Party Napkins + Percocet = Fun Time

The last day my mom was here Big Shooter was doing well enough to be left alone for an extended amount of time. Thank you Percocet. So my mom and I ran a few girl errands. At one stop we found ourselves smiling, then giggling, then guffawing & snorting over a rack of party napkins with sayings. I am curious to see if y'all think some of them are as funny as we did...or if it's a case of You had to be there?

1. I don't repeat gossip, so listen carefully.
2. Don't confuse my tolerance with hospitality.
3. I'm still hot, it just comes in flashes.
4. Born free...now I'm expensive.
5. I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
6. Stupidity got us into this mess...why can't it get us out?
7. You can't make everyone happy, so let's concentrate on me.
8. The nice part of living in a small town is when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else always does.
9. I'm not a nag. I'm a motivational speaker.
10. You have to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.
11. I'm not a housewife, but I'm desperate.
12. If you can't say anything good about someone, come sit next to me.
13. If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
14. You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without hanging on.
15. Every time I hear the dirty word "exercise" I have to wash out my mouth with chocolate.
16. Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it.
17. Countless people have eaten food from this kitchen and have gone on to live normal lives.
18. Oh, I heard you - I just don't care.
19. Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out, but I can usually shut her up with cookies.
20. To save time, let's assume I know everything.
21. You can't scare me, I have children.
22. Go braless, it pulls the wrinkles out of your face.

and my fave...
23. Do you want to talk to the man in charge, or the woman who knows what's going on?
Now, please tell me if you read through with a straight face, a grin, a smirk, or a belly laugh...
Love Note to my Big Shooter: For you to pick #21 as your fave shocked me! You've come along way Baby Cakes! My grandparents used to be "the only old people you could be around" and my 3rd graders? No way Jose'! They scared you more than having rabies! It is true though. Once you had Crumb Snatchers - you became Joe Fearless.