February 27, 2009

The Etymology Evolution

No wonder the lifeguard did a double take when I suggested this to Girl Child, "Honey, I think Mommy should go buy thongs for you and me before we come back to the pool."

Thongs just aren't what they used to be...

Neither is the word "enhanced"...

What other words can we come up with that have experienced an etymology evolution?

How 'bout byte, or reality, or google, or bad?

Love Note to my Big Shooter: I was trying to come up with an evolved etymologyish word to describe you...and all I could muster was surreal.

February 25, 2009

What's another name for Who-ha and/or the Nether Reigns?

Note to Male Readers, my Dad and Sashi: The following info will most likely get too personal and graphic for your sensibilities. Trust me: Stop reading now. If you don't...all I can say is, "I told you so."

I ask the question in the title because Girl Child, the one who has always referred to her who-ha by it formal, scientific name, was completely embarrassed and appalled when I said, "pelvis" today in the swimming pool.
"Mommmmmy! Don't say that so loud!!"
At first I was confused. Then the origin of her confusion dawned on me. Or so I thought.
"Oh honey it's okay, I said pel-vis, not pe-nis."
"I know. Pe-nis is okay. But don't say that other word so loud...or at all. Please?" she begged while looking around mortified to see who had heard me utter such a vulgar word in public.

I can see the look on her face right now. She'll probably still be mortified at 80 when someone says it's time for their yearly pelvis exam.

There are just certain words in every person's life that can light their face up like a cherry no matter their age.

I can't personally think of any right now for myself...but, when I was younger? Oh yes. There were plenty. Any of the names my spawn now use for certain body parts would have sent me into hiding for a year. Any thing that had to do with that pesky monthly visitor, Mrs. Flow, would have me quivering in the corner as well.

I am trying to keep this in mind as the Crumb Snatchers are obviously reaching an age where certain familiar or everyday terms are becoming landmines. I don't want to embarrass them on purpose (well, that's a big, fat lie right there), so I am seeking advice from others on what is, was or will most likely be some touchy words, subjects, topics in the very near future from your own personal experiences.

Do you remember yours? How did you successfully navigate them or with your kiddos?

Love Note to my Big Shooter: I know all the great little tidbits my sweet readers are going to leave are going to be like candy to you...but, please, please try to restrain yourself. At least until the Crumbs are teens when they'll totally just die.

February 24, 2009

Things I love about Straight Shooter

Hey ya'all
It is I, big shooter. Yup the one and only, the man of your dreams, Master of my universe and best friend to myself.

I was trying to leave a comment on one of her posts and as luck would have it she caught me and is forcing me to do a whole freakin post myself. And she said if you don't title it "Things I love about Straight Shooter" she would cut out my last kidney and feed it to BDP.

So here goes


1. She is the kindest, sweetest, gentlest serial killer I know.
2. She is creative and funny. You should see some of the crap she comes up with.
3. She is an awesome mom to the kids that claim they are mine.
4. She is the Queen of bloggy freekdom and you are her serfs.
5. She has awesome taste in men, which makes me wonder why she married me.
6. She is cute as a June Bug. That is a compliment in okiehoma.
7. She can cook up a storm, and I can show you the pictures to prove it. We may never get the sauce off the ceiling.
8. She lets me win at card games. At least that is what she tells herself.
9. She is the best housekeeper in the world. Yeah i am lying on that one.
10. She is the light of my life, and i can't imagine my world without her.

Well there you have it bloggy freaks. My heartfelt and romantic reasons why I love S.S. I know it brings tears to your eyes. Hey what can I say, I am just a big teddy bear wrapped up as a Rock God.

February 23, 2009

Big Girl 40th Birthday Sleep Over

I titled this post so blase' because when we, er...Big Shooter, was looking for party ideas out there in Google Land we could not seem to find what we were looking for.

Of course with this title I'll get the pervs who think they are coming to a porn site for partying fat chicks too... But hey, I'm an equal opportunity helper of others.
I think this post may be a big fat let down for some who have been dying to hear how it went with pictures as the evidence. But I didn't even take my camera out of it's case.
I am feeling the pain today about that little indiscretion too.
What was I thinking?!? Obviously, I wasn't. The only time I remembered it was when we were playing The Plunger game, but when I said the word camera...I was threatened with bodily harm. The scary part for me was - they were dead dog serious about ripping me from limb to limb if I even thought about it. So I didn't and now, of course, wish I would have lived life on the edge and snapped a few...
Here's the only one I took the whole weekend.

I'll take you through the games and guests and everything in the picture should be covered in one way or another...

It began with a name tag with 3 different lines. On the first was their christened name. On the second they wrote where they knew me from. (A couple used this to their full advantage since so few knew each other. One put rehab and another put AA.) The third line asked for a name of a childhood pet and either their momma's maiden name or a street from their childhood. (Ex: mine was PoPo Brown. Sashi's was Snowball 169.) These, as was later revealed, were their Adult Entertainer names... We had a tie. There was a dance-off and the author of yesterday's post the virtuous, the responsible Podcastin' Cyndi won the prize.

Then came a few games:
Guess Who consisted of me sticking a famous person's name on each woman's back. (Oprah, Cinderella, Mother Teresa, Jezebel, etc.) They could only ask yes/no questions to figure out who they were. The only snafu here was I totally thought Jezebel was like a hootchie, hot momma kinda girl and assigned her name to my friend who very much is a hot momma...only to find out Jezebel is no such girl. Hmmm, maybe I should read that bible, not just use it as a bookend. The game was fun none the less. Those girls were serious about finding out who they were. It turned out to be a fabulous ice breaker.

There was a Momma Purse Scavenger Hunt. The most bizarre item found in a momma's purse was a very nice Cuban cigar in a nice little metal case...hmmm. I am not sure if it's origin, intended purpose or even if it's alternative purposes was fully explained by the end of the evening either.

There was a wine glass passed around full of questions to be answered by both a guest and the birthday girl. That was interesting. That was enlightening. And that was embarrassing...er um, bonding. We learned nicknames of family members and, ahem, body parts. We laughed hysterically at some's stories and answers. We empathized for one who answered the last time she cried had been the day before when it was confirmed indeed she was not pregnant as she so wants to be. We cringed, we snorted, we guffawed and we grinned. It was fabulous girl bonding at it's finest.

As Podcastin' Cyndi pointed out there was a wide range of individuals there. Just the way I love it. There was indeed a pastor's wife, a biker chick, a urban socialite, a factory worker, a Kansas farm girl and a classical educator. But there was also a Martha Stewart type, an incredible artist, a liberal or two, a former news anchor, a doctor's wife, a gym coach, a child counselor and a former nurse. All walks of life. All my dearest friends. I missed so many others this weekend that all I keep thinkin' is..."We'll have to do this again. And soon."

Even though Sledge's pleather pants, spiked jewelry and rock star wig are in the picture he, very sadly, didn't make it to the party. He did, however, make it to the lake later in the weekend. And that's all I'm saying about that.

I liked this last photo because Girl Child's comment when she saw it was, "...it's like you're looking past your birthday Momma...into your future."

Oh the words of wisdom that escape a babe's precious lips...

I am indeed looking forward to my future.

Thank you friends.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: And thank you Big Guy. What fabulous, bonding memories I will cherish for a lifetime. I am so truly blessed with deep, rich friendships.

Love Note to Sledge: RRRrrrr....

February 22, 2009

Still Partyin'

Miss Party Pants is still a' partyin, so she had to call in the Voice of Responsibility to guest blog for her.........friends don't let friends go unblogged, I guess. I momentarily seized up about what I should write, but then I started thinking about the motley crew that assembled this weekend, and I couldn't resist writing.

I keep thinking about a schmarmy Hallmark card I saw once about "Friends Who Decorate Your Life", and Stacey's friends, if they were Christmas trees, wouldn't be the perfectly-placed, uniform-themed Macy's sort of Christmas tree. They'd be one of those really-real kind of trees that lights up with the ornaments of a life well-lived: childhood, boutique, and homemade ornaments, somehow perfectly hanging together on one tree

This weekend's cast of characters included a pastor's wife and a biker chick, a Kansas farm girl and an urban socialite, a factory worker and a homeschooling classicist (and other assorted gems). I've never felt more comfortable in my whole life, yet I'd just met most of these women. What was it that made it work, while so many gatherings, even among friends, aren't nearly as easy? In a word: authenticity. Everyone there was just who she was - no pretense, no layers of "stuff" that keep people from seeing each other's souls. And isn't this just who Stacey is? My mother was apparently right..........birds of a feather DO flock together, it seems.

All right, already..........this is why I can't blog............I'm waaayyyy too philosophical. And I don't know how to wrap up a blog post, either! Stacey, it was a great time; I'm happy to be on your crazy tree of friends! Now get back home, Miss Party Pants!

The Voice of Responsibility

February 20, 2009

Gone to a Big Girl Sleep Over...

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Thanks Love. From the looks of things on my end, I believe a grand time is going to be had by all! If I haven't said it lately ~ I appreciate you and all you do for me... I'll show you how much when I return. Wink-a-wink. Grrrrr. Hubba, hubba. BOI-BOI-ING! (those were all my hootchie, hootchie sound effects in case you were wondering...)

February 19, 2009

(Insert that upside down women symbol thingy here)

Big Shooter has been planning a Big Girl Sleep-Over at the lake in celebration of my fourth decade. (Y'all know where my tongue is planted with that loaded statement, right? That's correcto-mungo, in my fat cheek.)
So far he's done an awesome job.
He's come up with several things. (I don't want to share them though because many of the guests read this here blog occasionally.)
But, he's a little dubious about what to have available to pass the time.
He wanted me to ask you Girls.
His words were, "Ask the other side for me please. Tell them I need girly. I need racy. I need nerdy. I need funny. I need emotional...and apparently I need ovaries to plan this kind of party."
Instead of agreeing with his last statement, I agreed to ask you all this instead:
"What ideas do you have in mind for a girls night in?"
He says, "Thanks. You're saving my hide...I mean pride."

Love Note to my Big Shooter: I am not sure whether to laugh or cry at your sincerity of my party planning. On one hand I am crackin' up watchin' you sweat it out. And on the other hand, I am touched at the thoughtfulness. But honestly, I'm mostly crackin' up. If you could see the discomfort, the agony of dealing with all these women, the stress of choosing the correct colors, a menu, the logistics of that many women sleeping under one roof... if you could see it, you'd be on the floor too.
Thank you Big Shooter. I love you.
Love. You.

February 18, 2009

Let's Line the Streets Fellow Tulsans

The arrow has found it's mark again for Tulsa.
We lost another soldier.
Army Cpl. Stephen Scott Thompson was killed Saturday.

The service has not yet been announced.

But as soon as it is, I will be yelling from the rooftops.
Encouraging every free American within driving distance to make the effort to line the streets of his last ride.
Putting aside our views, opinions and animosities to show the Thompsons solidarity.
My hope is to line the final route their son will take with fellow Americans standing shoulder to shoulder waving our country's flag in a show of honor and gratitude.
Will you join my family fellow Okies?

Will you send this young man off with the grace, dignity and honor he deserves from us?

I so desperately hope so.

February 17, 2009

Archie and Friends have Jughead, We have Knothead

Ugly Comment to Baby Sister + A Good Clobberin'= Big Boo Boo
Just kiddin'.
Boy + Wall = Big Boo Boo
Next day = Tough Guy Look
It actually looks worse each day as time goes on.
But Boy Child has had enough of the picture takin' for now.
Yes, that is a skeleton hanging behind him.
We're those weird homeschoolers.
You never know what you'll find in our humble abode.
Love Note to my Big Shooter: Thanks for staying awake past your bedtime to spend a coupla extra hours with me. Wow! Keep this up for a little bit and you'll be able to make it to 10:30!!

February 16, 2009

Git'r Done, Valentine

Love was in the air.
Hearts were a flutter.
Eyes were a flame.
...and camo was everywhere.
Larry the Cable Guy took my breath away...
cause I was laughin' so damn hard!
This was Big Shooter's idea of a perfect Redneck Valentine Date.

I never knew just how redneck I was until I realized how much I can relate to Larry...Now that's some sad state of affairs my friends. Sad.

Thank you for the grand time on the town Love. I especially loved the part of the evening we realized we did not in fact have sweet suite tickets... Wasn't that nice of those people to share several adult beverages, wings, and more adult beverages with complete strangers? Dating you is never boring.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Before anyone asks for clarification I think we should give it to them now don't you Love? So yep, we mistakenly walked right into the #12 suite, instead of the #12 section. Yep, we just acted like we were suppose to be there (because we thought we were). Yep, we drank their booze, ate their food and laughed our butts off with complete strangers. And yep, loved every minute of it! Now that I think about it, that was redneck wasn't it? (sigh...) I love you Bubba.

February 13, 2009

Click, click, click...

There were many Okies who wished they could click their heels and be transported elsewhere a few days ago...
This is the screen all Oklahomans dread to see on their TVs.
Cause this is what's coming.

This is what it does.

This is what falls from the sky.

And this is the destruction it delivers.

Those are metal trusses.

Imagine your neighborhood here the day before...

Even though the funnels did not come into Plainsville County, our hearts and prayers go out to our dear neighbors so close by. To witness the physical, emotional and financial devastation these storms cause is heart wrenching.
Please keep them in your thoughts this weekend.
Love Note to my Big Shooter: Thank you for always looking out for our well being, being so protective and concerned. Even when we're not in immediate danger. Or any danger for that matter. We love you.
Question of the day: What is the most poisonous fish? and What is an eagle's nest called?
A stonefish and an aerie

February 12, 2009

More Crumb Snatcher Speak

Since Girl Child is getting very close to her birthday, she's got birthdays on the brain.
This morning she revealed her latest thoughts on her party ideas.
"Do you know what would be like a nightmare birthday party for me? A princess party.
And do you know what would be like a dream come true party? A redneck party."
When I sat speechless, she explained, " You know like Rooster (Sashi's youngest) had? Where we dug in the dirt pile, dressed like cowboys and had relays to the saddles, played in the pasture and old barn..."
Greeeeat. I will never live up to you Sashi. You perfect Redneck Momma you.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Okay, okay. I finally agree. We do need a paternity test...

Fact of the Day: February is National Grapefruit month. Who thinks this stuff up? Fresh grapefruit in February?

February 11, 2009

Crumb Snatcher #1 Speak

* The other night I lost my wallet in a public place. When I realized it. I stayed calm (tongue firmly planted in cheek.) We returned to the aforementioned place and Boy Child ran in to see if it was there while I searched the car... again. He came running out with it waving high over his head. When he jumped in the car I yelled, "Woo Hoo! Thank God!" Boy Child looked at me with shock and indignantly asked, "What am I?! ...chopped cheese??"

* Very late last night during my drive back from a big JBF planning day, Boy Child called. He was whispering. I realized several things at once. He was scared. He was the only one awake in the house. And I could not offer him any real comfort 100 miles away. I knew I'd never convince him to walk through the dark house clear to the back of the house and snuggle up to Daddy-O. So I suggested the next best thing - his big, bad, baby sister. Whom, by the way, had not been feeling well for most of the day. "Sweetie, how about if you slip in and sleep next to Girl Child until I get home?" "I can't Mommy. Her white cells will be fighting." Confused I clarified, "Did you say white cells?" "Yes. She's sick. Her cells'll be fighting her sickness all night long."
Well of course, silly Mommy. How'd I let that little fact slip my mind???

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Thank you for playing Good Cop/Bad Cop with me for the Crumbs much needed benefit Darlin'. I so hope and pray they don't need too much therapy when they are adults...if they make it that long. And totally changing the subject, I vote we purchase a Cop Costume for personal practice. Are you game?

Fact of the Day: Let there be light! Today 162 years ago Thomas Edison was born. He held more than 1,000 patents for all his inventions. There are 25+ smaller words that can be made with this one: INVENTOR. How many can you come up with?

February 10, 2009

Double Whammy

Yesterday I shared my father and his wife's very sad news...
Today, it is our own family's sad news.
And by family I mean all my neighbors.

Our sweet, sweet girl Eula Mae has been moved to a nursing facility.

Her best friend, Girl Child, is having a very hard time. She is missing her visits. She is missing their special secrets. She is missing their "plain ole everydayness".
She is missing her friend.
Maaan...I hate these kinds of Life Lessons.
I wanna play hooky from being the teacher during these times...

Please pray for our friend. As of now, she does not yet know she has spent her last nights in the home she has lived in for the past 60+ years... I believe when she realizes it, she will head down hill like a loose ball. Unable to be caught.
Getting older bites.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Sorry for all the doom and gloom. Even though aging does not thrill me in the slightest, I sure am glad it is you who will be with me in the end. All wrinkly with glistening eyes. I love that twinkle by the way. Just thought I'd mention that now before Alzheimer's sets in and I forget...

Fact of the Day: What is an apiarist? And what is a glossa?

A beekeeper and another name for an insect's tongue.

February 9, 2009

Run Like the Dickens Miss Montana!

Our hearts are sharing the grief today with my Dad and his wife, GrannyM.
They showed the ultimate act of love to their constant and most loving companion yesterday morning by allowing her to cross the Rainbow Bridge with the dignity and grace Miss Montana was so well known for.
Though there is nothing we can do.
Nothing we can say.
We want them to know, "We love you both. We understand. And we are so, so very sorry you had to let her go..."
When we had to endure the pain and grief after our most Precious Girl, Remington crossed The Bridge, I read this poem to myself often.
There's something missing in my home,
I feel it day and night,
I know it will take time and strength
before things feel quite right.
But just for now, I need to mourn,
My heart -- it needs to mend.
Though some may say, "It's just a pet,
"I know I've lost a friend.
You've brought such laughter to my home,
and richness to my days.
A constant friend through joy or loss
with gentle, loving ways.
Companion, friend, and confidante,
A friend I won't forget.
You'll live forever in my heart,
My sweet, forever pet.

-- Susanne Taylor

I hope it helps in the very smallest of ways.

If not, then gaze at the picture below and imagine what she is doing right now...

You know she is!

She's loving life. Chasing everything that moves and smiling that big, happy grin.

We love you.

February 6, 2009

I lost my fair and balanced card.

I, shockingly, get accused of being far, faaaar right. A brain-less, evangelical follower. My most fave assumption/opinion, and of course completely unbiased, accusation is being a most fair and balanced...um, indoctrinated citizen?
I would totally agree with all those educated, unbiased and completely open minded opinions except for one thing ~ apparently my Fair and Balanced card expired.
I haven't turned on the fair and balanced in months.
I didn't ever notice before, during my crazy indoctrination days, how much make-up these people wear.
I didn't recognize any young, roving reporters.
But what did it for me is, "Where the heck is Allen?????"
Someone fill me in.
Is he gone? Is it really just the Sean Show w/out any checks and balances?
Did he defect to a less fair and balanced show?
Does anyone miss him besides me?
These are the questions that kept me up last night.

February 4, 2009

Happy Birthday S.S

To the light of my life on her 40th birthday,

Welcome to the club, sucks to be here but at least we have each other to grow old with. I like to think of it like this. You're not forty; you're eighteen with twenty two years of experience.

We have been together longer in life than we have been apart. And for that I apologize. You probably need a vacation. but I would not trade one day with you. Even when you get mad enough to walk out, I know you will come back for the toothbrush, because good oral hygiene trumps divorce any day.

I love you with all my heart, and my last good kidney. Happy birthday lover.

P.S. Get a babysitter, ITS PLEATHER TIME!!! Best 3 minutes of the year baby!!!!

Yep. I was born 40 years ago today.

I hadn't really thought it through. The whole turning 40 thing. So when Girl Child asked me what my birthday post was going to be about for the 40th ever-lovin' time, I figured maybe I should put a little thought into it.

It didnt' work.

I came up with nada.

And then in swooped The Good Flea to save the day!

She awarded me this little do hickey:

She says I have to tell you ten "juicy honest things" about myself. So I figure let's name 40, one for each year and then call it a day.
I have a feeling it may get ugly by the end... Just know I loved you all. This will be the last time some of you visit.
  1. If I don't tweeze my chin daily (okay twice, daily) I can grow a perfect foo man chu beard.
  2. Feet gross. me. out. Don't touch me with your toes if you want to keep them. I am serious.
  3. I locked myself in my aunt's bathroom and smoked a pack of my uncle's cigs when I was like 11 or 12. Never had the desire to smoke again.
  4. Although, I LOVE the smell of clove cigarettes.
  5. I am the World's Worst House Keeper. I abhor cleaning. I only do it out of necessity. Bare necessity at that.
  6. I wish I could re-do my wedding day. I would beg Big Shooter to elope.
  7. I lost two babies before Boy Child. My heart still yearns for them over a decade later.
  8. I don't like men. Big Shooter is one of very few I care to be around longer than say 60 seconds. The other two are my dad and Big Shooter's dad. I mean c'mon! Who wouldn't love someone who takes advantage of anyone and everyone who is gullible enough to believe all he says...like how to gut a deer for example.
  9. I am utterly and helplessly frightened of the dark. If I was in a pitch dark room I believe I would keel over from fright. Seriously.
  10. Yet, I loved haunted houses and hay rides growing up. Go figure.
  11. I've been so angry at Big Shooter I have walked out.
  12. Only to return for my toothbrush "that I forgot".
  13. Sometimes I can't live with him!
  14. But I could never live without him more!
  15. Speaking of Big Shooter, sometimes I wonder if he's truly okay with having dated one girl, proposing to one girl, marrying her, and staying with just her. (It's suppose to be honest and juicy here people. I'm being real.)
  16. 97% of the time I am thrilled to be Boy & Girl's momma. It's that other 3% that worries me. Shames me. Makes me wonder what the heckfire I was thinking?!
  17. I don't get the whole wanting to have a natural birth thing. When it was discovered I couldn't give birth naturally and ended up having c-sections, I was thrilled. THRILLED people.
  18. Here's where I ran into the lack of memory problem and had to send out an all points emergency bulletin to friends and family both far and near to ask for their help in telling me, reminding me or brushing away a few cobwebs in my memory in order to help me think of things to share in order to get to the magic 4-0. My Granny Grunt reminded me I believed Hook, Line and Sinker the way to tell a newborn animal's sex was by the color of it's eyes. I and my dear cousin would stand at the fence for hours trying to get the new baby calves to look at us in just the right sunlight so we could tell...
  19. When my beloved Gramps died, the same uncle I stole and smoked his cigs came and picked me up from a country saloon at closing time. He never said a word other than, "You're gonna be okay honey," each time he had to pull over to let me hurl. He helped me up the steps of my mother's house. He hugged me each time I burst into tears. I was 37.
  20. When I was with Sashi at a MOPS meeting giving a JBF talk, I fell off the stage. I was carrying a card table in front of me and just stepped off into nothingness. When I came to a stop, it was deathly quiet and Sashi was staring down at me with eyes the size of saucers while the 40+ women in the room didn't move. They were speechless and frozen. She helped me up, grabbed her supplies and ran out the door. I thought she was just in a hurry. Nope. When I got to the van, she had her head stuck as far into the van as she could reach and was SNORTING with laughter. I can't drive by or near that church to this day without her spitting pop out her nose with the memory.
  21. I volunteered to greet and pass out name badges at our Crumbs special presentation day at school their first year. (before homeschooling) It was a muckety muck event with muckety mucks present all morning. Just before curtain time I snuck in to sit with Big Shooter and enjoy our wee ones song and dance. He'd chose to sit in the front row, center. Of course. I had to bend over and do the hunch back walk over to him in full view of everyone. When I got to him I realized I'd have to step over a bench saved for the teachers. I am 5 feet and 1 inch tall and I was wearing a long skirt. I had two choices. Walk back in front of everyone or hike my skirt up a bit. I should have walked back in front of everyone. Then they couldn't have all heard the seam of my skirt rip as I fell over the bench into my loving husband's arms. It did not end there however. I had to help clean up the welcoming area when it was finished. As another new mom and I sat down on a bench outside to wait for our husbands to drive around and pick us up she looked over and said, "Mrs. Shooter, I don't think I've laughed that hard in a while...and your day just keeps getting better by the minute. It looks like you have two different shoes on." I looked down. Sure enough. In my haste to get out of the house I slid on one brown and one black shoe. She said, "If you're always this much entertainment, I think we'll be great friends." We still are after all these years.
  22. The 6 months preceding our wedding I was in Idaho doing wedding things and working while Big Shooter was living in Okie-homa. Once a week I would practice my almost nil culinary skills on my soon to be FIL. His most memorable meal was suppose to be called Chicken Enchiladas. He lovingly refers to it as Pile of Garlic with a dash of Chicken. There are no longer any vampires in the state of Idaho.
  23. The first few months of marriage Big Shooter did not fare any better. One night I cooked Teriyaki Chicken Wings for him. I'd made it many times. He loved them. I grew arrogant in my newly found skills and neglected to follow the basic cooking rule of Don't Drink and Cook. I vaguely remember Big Shooter waking me and asking me what was supposed to be in the oven. We had pungent aroma of Burnt Teriyaki seared into every fabric, upholstery and even the paint for months.
  24. I had brain surgery a few years back...I needed that like I needed a hole in my head.
  25. While looking at my scans my neurologist with that most fabulous bedside manner reported I had an unremarkable brain.
  26. I can't seem to cook bacon without my built-in timer. a.k.a. A smoke alarm
  27. I cannot tolerate any kind of skin trauma. Doesn't seem to matter if it is a paper cut or a ten inch gash. I'll see you again when I wake up.
  28. I worked the steering wheel and gear shift while my younger cousin worked the pedals whenever we stole my gramps old international pickup and tore down the lane. Problem was, he'd have to come rescue us b/c I could never quite conquer reverse on my own. We were 9 and 6.
  29. Did you know you can rip the back bumper off a caddy if you back in to a parking space too far over the cement barrier? Well you can.
  30. Have sadly passed on my irrational bawling, squawling, hissy-fit throwing when I get hurt gene to my very unassuming and innocent Girl Child.
  31. i thoughtfully christened Big Shooter's new truck for him after he'd had it for two weeks. It was in the repair shop for almost two months.
  32. Got my second speeding ticket going to the bank to withdraw $ to pay my first speeding ticket.
  33. Regularly gave swirlies to my Jr. High neighbor Shirley. (Now before you get all righteous on me, she did it willingly. I don't know why? I don't like to dwell on it. She just did.)
  34. Went to minor emergency for a pregnancy test the first time we suspected we might be expecting.
  35. Belly laugh at least once a day. Every day.
  36. Spent my entire honeymoon in a hospital.
  37. Ran hurdles. Did I mention I'm 5'1?
  38. Love, love, love to watch boxing. Share a birthday with Oscar De LaHoya. Mmm. Mmm!
  39. Married the love of my life and had his spawn.
  40. Love my life.

That wasn't so bad. Congrats if you got this far!

I realized as I was typing, some of these would be great posts. If you have any in particular you'd like me or Big Shooter to elaborate on, please let us know in the comments. Who knew this would lead to that most precious commodity to bloggers...blog fodder. Cool.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Thank you for taking yet another trip down Memory Lane with me. I always get a renewed appreciation for you when I have to face what you do every day being my soul mate! (Heh. As if I haven't earned my crown and all the jewels in Heaven being your cell, oops soul mate as well!)

February 3, 2009

Big Shooter sheds Some Light

...on himself.

Note from Straight Shooter: Y'all, I was very leery of this post. I watched out of the corner of my eye while he answered. There was lots of smilin' goin' on. Lots of chuckles (the diabolical kind) and his fingers tapped tapped at the keyboard so fast I was amazed. In the end, he was true to his personality and cracked at least himself up!

Flea asked: How did BS propose? Did he?

Technically i did propose...but it was a fight to do it on my terms. S.S. is a romantic, i am not. S.S. is aggressive and take charge, me - not so much. But I have my ornery side so I made her wait. She thought it would happen at Christmas, it did not. She thought it would happen on valentines day, again you guessed it bloggy freaks, it did not. I took my own sweet time, and did it only after I knew I had waited as long as I possibly could. Ya see if I had waited any longer she would have moved to Australia. (not joking on that point) But when it did happen, it was totally stupendous. The only thing that detracted from the romance was I forgot to take the toothpick out of my mouth. Ohhh and BTW she said yes. But she had to because unbeknownst to me she already had the date, church, flowers, preacher, and cake arranged. I told you she is a tad aggressive. Now more interesting than the proposal was the honeymoon. But that is a totally different story.

Dawn asked: What is your idea of the perfect date?

Ya'all do know that I am a man right? In spite of popular belief, men do not have perfect anything. I am a fly by the seat of my pants, whatever S.S. thinks is fun I will endure type guy. And I keep my mouth shut when I am not having fun. You see S.S. reads serial killer novels and could dispose of my body in about 1000 ways. So my perfect date consists of waking up the next morning. And beer.

FIL: Would love "Big Shooter to tell us how do you gut a deer?"
I need to take this opportunity to inform all the bloggy freaks that I was severely abused growing up. I have never dealt with this subject openly, but it is about time that the truth comes out. I was the only male child growing up with a mom and two sisters. Alone in the world so to speak. Then God saw fit to give me a father figure. Unfortunately I got a sadistic, evil, maniacal, individual whose sole purpose in life was to wreak havoc with my poor tortured soul. Ya see I was not raised as a hunter, so I looked to my elders to educate me properly in the art of killing innocent animals. FIL took it upon himself to perpetuate the abuse, by publicly asking this question. As a right of passage, young men who kill must also clean the trophy. I have no problem with that. It is only fair, it is the way our ancestors did it. BUT.... our ancestors were never told to clean the kill in the fashion that my sick and twisted father instructed me too. He is so evil!!!! You see I was told that the last step in guttin the poor dead animal that I just blew away in a very heinous way and to keep the meat from getting contaminated by deer dung was to stick my finger up its anus and to cut around my finger. I learned this when I was 14, I did not learn that this was total BS until I was 24.
So FIL I have a finger held up in the air for you, I bet you know which one.

Dear F.ather I.n L.aw also wants to know: "Have you ever shot your sister with a B.B. gun?"

Yeah but she totally deserved it, and I would do it again if I had the chance. It is the only way in which I could deal with knowledge that I had my finger in a deer's anus.

FarOutMom asked just a few questions:

I want to know where he buys his right sexy glasses?

At Studs R Us. I get a discount.

Does he still do that hissing noise when he speaks of one pair of his glasses?

COBRA....pssss pssss.

Where is the wig that he wore in the above picture?

Sitting by my bed ready to be worn during emergency stripper incidents. You never know when a bachelorette party is in need. Now I just need one of those Bat Caves with the cool poles you slide down. You know the kind when you get to the bottom you miraculously are transformed into your super-alter ego. Just call me ROCK-MAN!!!!!

Does he wear it to work? Or anywhere? And try to pass it off as his own?

No need to pass it off as my own. No one recognizes me when I wear it. I will say that most people that see it are afraid - very afraid.

Does he wear the pleather pants on any occasion? Say, Friday nights? wink-wink
Only when S.S. coughs up the cash. I may be easy, but I am not cheap. Or is it I am cheap but not easy.... I forget. Besides pleather is not good for the wink-wink, do you know how hard it is to get out of those things?? If you are not careful you can seriously hurt yourself. And baby I am not a starfish, those things don't grow back.

BS, can your wife come to KC for a weekend since I can't make it there for her birthday this year?
Of course, but she has to bring the kids with her. I have a wig and tattoos....I got places to be that are not appropriate for the crumbs.

Can I have some Arby's coupons?
You sure are demanding, how about I just send you cash, or maybe you would prefer a new car.

Will you write a post about some of the antics that S.S. doesn't tell us about?
S.S. scares me. I love her dearly and would never tell her secrets. And she scares me.

Are you still in the screen printing business?
Nope, but I did sleep at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

Are these questions to boring?

Sorry what did you say? I fell asleep for a bit.

Have you ever split your pants in public?
Did you say split or Sh**? Yes to both. But I have had cancer so shame on you for asking.

Have you ever stolen a road sign?
I prefer to say I borrowed it indefinitely. Along with cash and cars. Obama calls it redistribution of wealth....who am I to disagree.

Have you ever egged or tp'd a house?

I would never waste TP like that. It is a gift from the Gods. Eggs on the other hand are just hard, white chicken poop. So i am cool with it.

Christine asked: Was your Halloween costume actually the one time last year you got to be yourself? C'mon, you can tell me!

If you only knew how close that costume is to the real me you would never allow me around Pete again. If I could, I would wear it every day!!!!! Except the pleather, it tends to chaff a bit. But such is the price for being a ROCK GOD!!!!!!

Love Note to my Big Shooter: This was fun. This was a great break in the same ole, same ole. Thank you for doin' it. heh, heh. I said, "doin' it". I guess all that pleather talk got me thinkin'. I'll meetcha in the Bat Cave...near the pole you mentioned...

February 2, 2009

The Ask Big Shooter Post

Every coupla weeks I get an email asking questions about Big Shooter. Last week, I had one asking about his blog name compared to his real name. Many times they ask how we met or what our marriage is really like. Did he really write the love letter to me? Once someone asked if he likes fried chicken...

So I figured I'd see if there's anything you'd like to ask him? Or me...about him? He's agreed to answer any questions you might throw his way. Which, honestly, scares me.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: I just have two words to say/remind you of ~ Family Blog.
Fact of the Day: When it comes to tornadoes, the U.S. rules the world. Literally. We average 700 a year. There are only two states who do not have them on a regular basis: Alaska and Rhode Island. I thought that was pretty interesting. I knew Okie-homa would be high on the list. We were. 56 is our average. But, the great state of Texas whoops us each year. Their average? 124. Holy.Cow.