Mooning on I-44

Have I ever told you about the time I mooned many passersby on Interstate 44?

Albeit unwillingly. But, mooned none the less.

Y'all know I'm really a Farm Girl from Idaho at heart. And Farm Girls have certain skills that most Citifieds wouldn't ever consider skills - until needed, of course. Like, pluckin' a chicken. Knowledge of irrigation. And the ability for quick, but modest, impromptu emptying of bladders out of doors.

Late one evening, before we were married, Big Shooter and I were traveling on a stretch of I-44 that has no rest stops for like a billion miles. Usually it's not a big deal. The problem was I'd drank the equivalent of a keg of ice tea while visiting Aunt Faye and Uncle Woodrow on their homeplace. I was new to Oklahoma and sweet tea. I didn't yet know that tea has a diuretic effect on me. An almost immediate effect.

My well thought out plan was to have Big Shooter pull to the side, turn off his lights, wait until there was a large gap between cars passing us and quickly take care of my business in front of his car where they couldn't see me. I had taken care of business in this manner 100s of times grownin' up. This would be no big deal. Just immediate, glorious relief. It would have worked out beautifully because the cars traveling in the opposite direction were also too far away to see anything either.

Unless the person you love,

the person you are betrothed to,

the one person in the world you trust more than any other...

slowly backs up the vehicle you are using as a privacy shield while you are, um... incapable of moving.

And then does this...

And the people traveling in both directions see this...

Big Shooter, obviously living in the same fantasy land he still visits often, thinks I'll have this reaction...

When, back in the real world, I have this one...

And then this one...

At which this point he realizes his dilemma.

He's afraid to let me back in the car because he's afraid for his life.

So he locks the doors.

Then he realizes that's not such a bright idea either because I simply turned heel and started walking down the road.

Back to Plainsville.

In the middle of the night.

On the side of I-44.

With him following me.

Slowly in the emergency lane.

With his lights shining on me.

Are you getting the picture?

Now he's realizing how this looks. That at any moment a State Trooper is going to pull over to investigate.

And he knows - I will have NO MERCY.

He's, once again, afraid for his life.

Smart boy.

Kinda.

After much begging, pleading, promising and apologizing - I finally got back in his car.

The next morning his car looked similar to this...

I'm kidding of course.

Kinda.

But that will have to wait for another post.

Love Note to my Big Shooter:

Dear Big Shooter,

Thanks for sending me the picture of the mooning ducks. They were adorable as could be. Brought back some fond memories. Made me take a stroll down Memory Lane. I love it when you send me emails in the middle of the day with a sweet note. Makes me feel loved and thought about. Feel free to send me more any time. I just file them under Blog Fodder...I mean, Notes from the Love of my Life. Have a fabulous day Sweetness. Can't wait for you to come home.

Lovies,

Straight Shooter

Yesterday's post got me thinking about names and I remembered this fun name game my sweet friend FarOut Mom did a looooong time ago.

You'll love this. (Big Shooter's are red.)

• Rock Star Name: (1st Pet's name & current car) ~ PoPo DeVille (Ginger DeVille)
• Fly Guy/Girl Name: (1st initial + first 3 letters of your last name) ~ S-Mer
• Detective Name: (Fave color & fave animal) ~ Red Dog (Blue Cobra)
• Soap Opera Name: (Middle name & city/town born in) ~ Ann Falls (It's really Twin Falls, but that sounds so super silly!) (Robert Rupert)
• Star Wars Name: (First 3 letters of last name + first 2 of first name) ~ Merst (Merb-R)
• Superhero: ("The" & second fave color & fave drink) ~ The Pink Apple Pucker (with a spritz) (Black Jack DC)
• Nascar Name: (1st names of grandfathers') ~ Keith Ole
• Stripper Name: (Fave scent/perfume/cologne & fave candy) ~ Black Vette Chocolate(Fierce Jellybean)
• Witness Protection Name: (Mom & Dad's middle name) ~ Rae Findley (Helen G.)
• Weather Anchor Name: (5th grade teacher's last name & a city which starts with the same letter) ~ Memphis McAdams (Wynnewood Wright)
• Spy/Bond Name: (fave season/holiday & fave flower) ~ Summer Lily (Christmas Tulip)
• Cartoon Name: (fave fruit & article of present clothing + "ie" or "y") ~ Mango Shorty (Blueberry Bootsie)
• Hippy Name: (What you ate for breakfast & fave tree) ~ LoMein Dogwood (Kracker Pine)

That was fun!

My faves were PoPo DeVille and The Pink Apple Pucker. Big Shooter's fave was his stripper name Fierce Jellybean. If you partake in it yourself...leave me your fave creation for yourself.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: I think Sledge should meet Kracker Pine. I think they would be soul brothers...

"Dallas or Bust!"

That's what we painted on the Gas Hog's windows.

Dallas is our End of the Year Field Trip destination to see the one and only -

Olliver, the brain dead pug, has a weekend of play dates planned. The grass has been watered sufficiently for the past 21 days in a row. And Sledge is itching to hit the road.

So off we go into the wild blue yonder!

May God have mercy on our many travel companions' souls.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: You have ONE LAST HURRAH before we return to Plainsville and BUY A LAWNMOWER...or I am taking my bloggy friends' advice and either picking out a new girl for you OR hiring a shiny, new, powerful, well-built Bad Boy to mow the grass. You know how I {heart} Bad Boys...

Big Shooter, What were you thinking?!

Chickening out and sending your Beloved sling shooting into the air with your youngest Crumb Snatcher?

Tsk. Tsk.

1...

2...

Whee...

Yup.

That's Girl Child and myself...

Her: brave, bold and barely tall enough!

Me: not brave and bold...and barely tall enough.

Meet the cross between Sledge and Straight Shooter.

She's one cool chick.

Tomorrow...the video.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: cluck, cluck, cluuuuck. bawk, bawk, bawwwwck!! (not sure which one to type to illustrate a chicken sound ;o) Either way, I had my hands tucked under my pits flapping my wings while I made them!

R & R...well kinda.

Since R&R means rest and relaxation, I think we'll call ours DDT, WO & HTOL (Dead Dog Tired, Worn Out & Having the Time of Our Lives!)

We're in Branson again. Spending some much needed family time together.

Big Shooter joins us today. Can't wait.

Following is a typical exchange between the Crumbs.

1. I ask for a nice pose... she obliges, like the Good Child she is. He...

...doesn't.

2. This tickles him pink!

3. She clobbers him and makes other threatening gestures and comments.

4. He finally gives in......but, she has to keep her eye on him.

5. Then she gets her revenge by volunteering them to pose with the purtiest girl in the Ozarks...he won't stand next to her or will barely take his eyes off her long enough to get the shot. He does NOT trust the Purtiest Girl as far as he can throw him, sorry, I meant her.

Have a great day.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: We'll be holding a place for you in line! Can't wait to hug you. We've prayed for an angel for each bumper, please don't give them an any excitement.

The Etymology Evolution

No wonder the lifeguard did a double take when I suggested this to Girl Child, "Honey, I think Mommy should go buy thongs for you and me before we come back to the pool."

Thongs just aren't what they used to be...

Neither is the word "enhanced"...

What other words can we come up with that have experienced an etymology evolution?

How 'bout byte, or reality, or google, or bad?

Love Note to my Big Shooter: I was trying to come up with an evolved etymologyish word to describe you...and all I could muster was surreal.

Git'r Done, Valentine

Love was in the air.

Hearts were a flutter.

Eyes were a flame.

...and camo was everywhere.

Larry the Cable Guy took my breath away...

cause I was laughin' so damn hard!

This was Big Shooter's idea of a perfect Redneck Valentine Date.

I never knew just how redneck I was until I realized how much I can relate to Larry...Now that's some sad state of affairs my friends. Sad.

Thank you for the grand time on the town Love. I especially loved the part of the evening we realized we did not in fact have sweet suite tickets... Wasn't that nice of those people to share several adult beverages, wings, and more adult beverages with complete strangers? Dating you is never boring.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Before anyone asks for clarification I think we should give it to them now don't you Love? So yep, we mistakenly walked right into the #12 suite, instead of the #12 section. Yep, we just acted like we were suppose to be there (because we thought we were). Yep, we drank their booze, ate their food and laughed our butts off with complete strangers. And yep, loved every minute of it! Now that I think about it, that was redneck wasn't it? (sigh...) I love you Bubba.

Big Shooter sheds Some Light

...on himself.

Note from Straight Shooter: Y'all, I was very leery of this post. I watched out of the corner of my eye while he answered. There was lots of smilin' goin' on. Lots of chuckles (the diabolical kind) and his fingers tapped tapped at the keyboard so fast I was amazed. In the end, he was true to his personality and cracked at least himself up!


Flea asked: How did BS propose? Did he?

Technically i did propose...but it was a fight to do it on my terms. S.S. is a romantic, i am not. S.S. is aggressive and take charge, me - not so much. But I have my ornery side so I made her wait. She thought it would happen at Christmas, it did not. She thought it would happen on valentines day, again you guessed it bloggy freaks, it did not. I took my own sweet time, and did it only after I knew I had waited as long as I possibly could. Ya see if I had waited any longer she would have moved to Australia. (not joking on that point) But when it did happen, it was totally stupendous. The only thing that detracted from the romance was I forgot to take the toothpick out of my mouth. Ohhh and BTW she said yes. But she had to because unbeknownst to me she already had the date, church, flowers, preacher, and cake arranged. I told you she is a tad aggressive. Now more interesting than the proposal was the honeymoon. But that is a totally different story.

Dawn asked: What is your idea of the perfect date?

Ya'all do know that I am a man right? In spite of popular belief, men do not have perfect anything. I am a fly by the seat of my pants, whatever S.S. thinks is fun I will endure type guy. And I keep my mouth shut when I am not having fun. You see S.S. reads serial killer novels and could dispose of my body in about 1000 ways. So my perfect date consists of waking up the next morning. And beer.

FIL: Would love "Big Shooter to tell us how do you gut a deer?"
I need to take this opportunity to inform all the bloggy freaks that I was severely abused growing up. I have never dealt with this subject openly, but it is about time that the truth comes out. I was the only male child growing up with a mom and two sisters. Alone in the world so to speak. Then God saw fit to give me a father figure. Unfortunately I got a sadistic, evil, maniacal, individual whose sole purpose in life was to wreak havoc with my poor tortured soul. Ya see I was not raised as a hunter, so I looked to my elders to educate me properly in the art of killing innocent animals. FIL took it upon himself to perpetuate the abuse, by publicly asking this question. As a right of passage, young men who kill must also clean the trophy. I have no problem with that. It is only fair, it is the way our ancestors did it. BUT.... our ancestors were never told to clean the kill in the fashion that my sick and twisted father instructed me too. He is so evil!!!! You see I was told that the last step in guttin the poor dead animal that I just blew away in a very heinous way and to keep the meat from getting contaminated by deer dung was to stick my finger up its anus and to cut around my finger. I learned this when I was 14, I did not learn that this was total BS until I was 24.
So FIL I have a finger held up in the air for you, I bet you know which one.

Dear F.ather I.n L.aw also wants to know: "Have you ever shot your sister with a B.B. gun?"

Yeah but she totally deserved it, and I would do it again if I had the chance. It is the only way in which I could deal with knowledge that I had my finger in a deer's anus.

FarOutMom asked just a few questions:

I want to know where he buys his right sexy glasses?

At Studs R Us. I get a discount.

Does he still do that hissing noise when he speaks of one pair of his glasses?

COBRA....pssss pssss.

Where is the wig that he wore in the above picture?

Sitting by my bed ready to be worn during emergency stripper incidents. You never know when a bachelorette party is in need. Now I just need one of those Bat Caves with the cool poles you slide down. You know the kind when you get to the bottom you miraculously are transformed into your super-alter ego. Just call me ROCK-MAN!!!!!

Does he wear it to work? Or anywhere? And try to pass it off as his own?

No need to pass it off as my own. No one recognizes me when I wear it. I will say that most people that see it are afraid - very afraid.

Does he wear the pleather pants on any occasion? Say, Friday nights? wink-wink
Only when S.S. coughs up the cash. I may be easy, but I am not cheap. Or is it I am cheap but not easy.... I forget. Besides pleather is not good for the wink-wink, do you know how hard it is to get out of those things?? If you are not careful you can seriously hurt yourself. And baby I am not a starfish, those things don't grow back.

BS, can your wife come to KC for a weekend since I can't make it there for her birthday this year?
Of course, but she has to bring the kids with her. I have a wig and tattoos....I got places to be that are not appropriate for the crumbs.

Can I have some Arby's coupons?
You sure are demanding, how about I just send you cash, or maybe you would prefer a new car.

Will you write a post about some of the antics that S.S. doesn't tell us about?
S.S. scares me. I love her dearly and would never tell her secrets. And she scares me.

Are you still in the screen printing business?
Nope, but I did sleep at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

Are these questions to boring?

Sorry what did you say? I fell asleep for a bit.

Have you ever split your pants in public?
Did you say split or Sh**? Yes to both. But I have had cancer so shame on you for asking.

Have you ever stolen a road sign?
I prefer to say I borrowed it indefinitely. Along with cash and cars. Obama calls it redistribution of wealth....who am I to disagree.

Have you ever egged or tp'd a house?

I would never waste TP like that. It is a gift from the Gods. Eggs on the other hand are just hard, white chicken poop. So i am cool with it.


Christine asked: Was your Halloween costume actually the one time last year you got to be yourself? C'mon, you can tell me!

If you only knew how close that costume is to the real me you would never allow me around Pete again. If I could, I would wear it every day!!!!! Except the pleather, it tends to chaff a bit. But such is the price for being a ROCK GOD!!!!!!

Love Note to my Big Shooter: This was fun. This was a great break in the same ole, same ole. Thank you for doin' it. heh, heh. I said, "doin' it". I guess all that pleather talk got me thinkin'. I'll meetcha in the Bat Cave...near the pole you mentioned...

...Sigh

I am having a hard time letting them grow up.

In case you can't see the resemblance I gave you a reference for Boy Child.

Girl Child is not hard to identify. Just hard for her Momma to look at.

She has wanted to be a Rock Star for years...just like Daddy.

Pictures of Daddy's costume to follow tomorrow.

I promise you will want to come back to see. The transformation is absolutely amazing.

In the mean time I am sharing their handy work from the evening.

Girl Child couldn't stop grinning when it came to her choice.

Boy Child cut the whole thing out himself. Those "are not fish! They are bombs. You know, bursting in air??" He has asked for a "Bomber" pumpkin for a looong time.

Those of you who know us personally are cracking up at this pumpkin of Big Shooter's I know. Those of you who don't, trust me when I say, "This? This is fitting for the year he is having. "

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Ooooh Boy, you do realize this is a fair and public notification of a up and coming posting of pictures right?

Ant Update

Y'all remember when we finally got the ants to inhabit this?



Welllll...that didn't work out so good the first time.


When we got the ant shipment, all but two were dead. But Uncle Milton's sent us a new shipment very quickly. In fact, their words were along the lines of "we do not want to be responsible for a 9 yo boy's disappointment". Hmmm. That was not what I was expecting when I called. I was relieved and impressed.


Until...the second set of ants didn't do any digging in the gel. We gave them lots of time. Lots of encouraging (as much as you can encourage ants). No go.


When I called Uncle Milton's to ask if this was normal or if we were doing something wrong, I learned two things.


1. Apparently the gel colonies have a shelf life. Hmm. That might have been good to know.


2. Uncle Milton takes good care of their customers. Really good care. At their own expense.


Third time was the charm. We received a "Natural Ant Replacement Kit". Which basically meant we weren't going to mess around with the gel colony any longer. We were going to do it naturally with sand.


I was a little more than skeptical. This being the third round and all.


No need to worry.


This is after 10 days.


They're busy little beavers, er bees. I mean ants. Whatever.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: I love watching you and your Minnie Me watch the ants.

Terrorist Defined

She doesn't look like much.
But trust me when I say, "The girl has been to camp in Afghanistan."
My sweet, sweet BDP has bites and shakes whenever she comes near...
All two pounds of her...

She might look sweet. Okay, really sweet.

She is.

But she is also a complete and utter Terror on the Loose in our house...until Friday when Saucy Sashi returns to retrieve her...

Fabulous Fall Farm Day at Sashi's

Well, the Gods in little white buckets in the sky must have felt sorry for us because when we returned home a little after 6:30 tonight our power was on. It hadn't been on for too long because the air purifier hadn't had long enough to rid the house of the Dirty Pug fragrance yet.

I love that dog.

I snapped a couple pics of the Crumbs while they were enjoying their day.

Boy Child received a new Lego creation from his buds over the Trauma/Drama Weekend and was dying to get it put together.

His sister, on the other hand, took it upon herself to play with/entertain Saucy Sashi's nephew. (Big Brother to the newest, most precious member of the fam.)

Since this little guy will head to the back door when he needs to use the restroom instead of the bathroom, we all had the same question for Girl Child when he showed up on the back porch like this. "Umm, Sweetie...where exactly did he find the mud?"

Is this not the epitome of a Farm Cat?

His name is Levi. He's 14. He weighs 12 lbs.

And he is by far my most fave thing about their place.

After school snack at Sashi's?

Why sherbet ice cream and sweet tea, what else?

No wonder Girl Child wants "more than anything my life" to be adopted by them...or their grandparents.

Tomorrow I may actually go out into the beautiful fall weather and snap some outside pics.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Every time I think of the debate tonight I hear the announcer for all the boxing matches who says, "Let'sssss get reeeeeady to ruuuuummmmbbblllle..."! Can't wait to see you in the wee hours Darlin'.

EDITED VERSION: of oxtail, snails, or insects

I received several personal emails pointing out I did not do the meme correctly. Apparently, when I am tired I skip steps. Like c. So now I have italicized and added d. (which is comments besides certain foods).
I visited my lovely friend FaroutMom to see what was up in her life and instead found out she'd eaten some Farout food in her life. Then I realized, so had I. Some of it YUM and some of it SICK! How about you? If you decide to post this little meme, please leave me a comment so I can read it too please. I'm very interested (nosy) like that.

a. Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
b. Bold all the items you’ve eaten. (I made them red so you could see them)
c. Cross out or italicize any items that you would never consider eating.

1. Venison -miss this VERY much.
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros -can't stand it, but love, love huevos con chorizo!
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile/alligator -once
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue -comey see, comey saw
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. baba ghanous
11. Calamari - the more tenacles the better for Girl Child
12. pho
13. PB&J sandwich - I miss these...
14. Aloo gobi
15. hot dog from a street cart - Prego with Boy Child and didn't know yet (NYC)
16. Epoisses (I don’t know - sounds like stinky cheese)
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes - eww.
19. Steamed pork buns - eww, again.
20. Pistachio ice cream - double eww. I hate pistachios.
21. Heirloom tomatoes - yum.
22. Fresh wild berries - double yum. reminds me of stealing all of granny grunts berries each summer.
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans - seriously, i could live on spanish rice and refried beans...w/ salsa
25. Brawn, or head cheese - couldn't pay me enough to try this...
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters - prefer steamed clams
29. Baklava - doesn't really float my boat, know what I mean?
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas - great snack
32. Clam chowder - one of my fave memories was eating clam chowder in an original chowder house in Boston with Big Shooter in the middle of a snow storm...he was so big and tall he could barely fit at the table. He kept saying, "I wonder who has sat right where I'm at?"
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut - ate this for breakfast every morning I was prego with boy child.
35. Root beer float - brings back fond childhood memories of a particular drive-in my momma would take me to out of the blue.
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea - just the sound of clotted cream makes my gag reflex work overtime!
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo - gr-o-ss
40. Oxtail - do I really need an explanation?
41. Curried goat - hate curried anything
42. Whole insect- boy child ate a grasshopper at camp last year. Amazing, since I can't get him to try anything new around here without threatening a famine...
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk - didn't know or would have gagged
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/€80/$120 or more
46. Fugu Fugu to eating blowfish!
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel - I really, really like sushi.
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut - Doesn't hold a candle to a Merritt's glazed twist.
50. Sea urchin - did I mention I liked sushi?
51. Prickly pear - not on purpose, glad I did.
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal - special sauce is disgusting.
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips - my mind can't be fooled, it's not the real deal. Chocolate is chocolate.
61. S’mores - I miss camping every weekend...
62. Sweetbread - do you know what's really in this stuff?
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs - you know what I'm gonna say right? "Tastes like chicken."
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears, and funnel cake - it's getting near our annual elephant ears at the fair! Yum!
68. Haggis - gag
69. Fried plantain - once. kinda plain.
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette - uh, not ever again.
71. Gazpacho - would eat it all summer if I could.
72. Caviar and blini - caviar ~ okay, salty. now tarramusalatta (probably incorrect spelling) on the other hand, that fish roe is one of my all-time favorite foods. ever.
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill - for some reason this made me think of my most precious of friends Soul Sister and the Turtle Soup!
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie - thank goodness we are doing gluten-free in this house now!
78. Snail - my father has no idea how close he came to seeing projectile vomiting in a 5 ***** restraunt!
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini - wish I had one now...
81. Tom yum - the name reminds me of something my Granny Grunt would name a dish made up of an old, tough turkey
82. Eggs Benedict - Big Shooter loves, loves, loves this dish.
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant
85. Kobe beef - tasted the same as the side of beef we buy from Sashi's hubby Taco Bandito each spring...
86. Hare - my mom and her friend Bev have no idea how close they came to seeing projectile vomiting in a truck stop cafe in Burley, Idaho.
87. Goulash - one of my comfort foods to this day. Thanks mom.
88. Flowers - Girl Child thinks this is the coolest idea since sliced bread.
89. Horse - If you count paste then maybe I have already eaten horse...?
90. Criollo chocolate - sounds too like the coffee beans that get eaten by the tree cats, then pooped out, then sold for like a kazillion $$ a pound...eww.
91. Spam - tried it for the first time when I was 37. not too bad for campin'...in a pinch.
92. Soft shell crab - maybe I expected too much?
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish - didn't like any fish until my noodlin' neighbor fixed me some in her special "family secret" way. I was suppose to share a heaping hot plate with Big Shooter that she brought down to me fresh outta the pan...he got one little taste. We've never had it taste as good since she moved back to the sticks.
95. Mole poblano - yum. I love roasted poblanoes.
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta - Big Shooter decided this is what he wanted to contribute to our Supper Club Mexican Fiesta night. I wonder if that's how/why we got banned?
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee - sounds too much like the tree cat thing again...
100. Snake - uh, no.

How about you? Remember to let me know if you post on this!
Have a fabulous weekend Friends.

Brain Dead Momma

I have a serious case of Olympic Withdrawals...
I kept reminding myself all the live long day that "Yes. You must get on with real life now." I am/was addicted. I used them as an excuse to sleep in since I was up so late, blog until the wee hours, spend countless time "researching" little stories...
I, and the Crumb Snatchers, are feelin' the pain today. Both physically and mentally.

Now I am back in OASDA (Olympic Addicts and Sleep Deprivation Anonymous) and re-starting my 12 steps to Recovery. However, I am a tad on the Brain Dead side of life.

Therefore, when I received one of those silly "Get to know your girlfriends questionnaire" from my long lost Teacher Friend I was amused by how amused I was by it. In plain English: I am so dadgum Brain Dead I found a questionnaire fun. THAT my friends, is a sure sign of BDM. Brain Dead Momma.

And to further bore you, I am going to post it with my answers.

1. What is your occupation right now? Teacher, Small business owner, Nurse, Cook, Laundress, House Keeper and Sex Slave. (Okay, so I had you until the last one. Now you're not sure which are true and which are not.)
2. What color are your socks right now? Barefoot, but my toes are Slut Red. Does that count?
3. What are you listening to right now? Blissful silence. All four creatures (Crumbs, Big Shooter and Brain Dead Pug) are gonzers. Nigh-Night.
4. What was the last thing that you ate? Mexican Scramble (eggs, ham, cheese, cilantro, and salsa)
5. Can you drive a stick shift? Yes. Drove tractors, grain & potato trucks and my very first car.
6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Saucy Sashi ~ I'm taking a JBF trip without her. She conveniently let her kids start school today and is making me go do an interview... on the air... by myself. Pray for Springfield please! Okay, so she hurt her back. Bad. Like, in a wheelchair BAD. Don't tell her I told you. Please. She's weird about stuff like that. AND, my Soul Sister (who just happens to have a degree in MEDIA is going with me. More like, I am going with her. Thank you God for best pals that always have the perfect quote and the best media personality on the planet. How cool is it that she's my Soul Sis?
7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yes. And I miss seeing her. I've never personally met her last two kids. That's sad.
8. How old are you today? 39 years, 7 months, and 8 days (all I know is it's closer to 40 than 39 now...eww.)
10. What is your favorite drink? Ice cold 2% milk, then lemonade, then coolers, then Diet Vanilla Dr. Pepper from QT. I think in that order.
11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Every time someone reminds me by asking, "So is your hair, blond..ish...brown...ish...or are your roots really black...?"
12. Favorite food? Mexican
13. What is the last movie you watched? The Dark Knight - Holy Moley. Go. Right now. Go.
14. Favorite day of the year? Any day I don't have to cook or clean.
15. How do you vent anger? With the kids present - turning purple til my head pops off. Without the kids present - ranting...a lot...loud...ly...and sometimes, a teeny-tiny little cursing may slip in there. I may or may not make up foul words for Big Shooter's amusement.
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? My bike and I know he's not a toy, but my Grandpa.
17. What is your favorite season? Fall. No, Summer. Hmmm, maybe even Spring here in Oklahoma. Those three. Unless, I were still in Idaho. Then it'd be Winter.
18. Cherries or Blueberries? MMMMMMmmmm. Both.
19 - 21 Deleted...
22. Living arrangements? Currently married.
23. When was the last time you cried? Just now thinking about last night when The Flame went out...
24. What’s on the floor of your closet? Shoes, half packed suitcase from the last time I threatened to leave Big Shooter, my Weatherby (no, I forgot, my dad borrowed it), and Big Shooter's important belongings/crap.
25. Who is the friend you have had the longest? My dear, dear friend Sheila. Who, graduated from Stanford in three years, finished med school in like the top 2%, saves women and baby whales and has 3 kids. We have so much in common.
26. What did you do last night? Cried. Blogged. Cried. Blogged.
27. What inspires you? The Love of My Life. He is the strongest person I know. He is the most loving person I know. He is my life. (In case of emergency, reach for the air sick bag in seat back in front of you...)
28. What are you most afraid of? Losing a family member.
29. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? The more spicy the better to breath on you my Dear!
30. Favorite dog breed? New Foundlands, Great Pyrenees, Pugs, Chihuahuas (not in that order)
31. Favorite day of the week? Late Friday afternoon.
32. How many states have you lived in? Idaho, Nevada, Illinois, Oklahoma, Utah, Wyoming. Did I miss any mom?
33. What do you wish for most at this point in your life? Other than this to end, I most wish and pray for is good health for my Big Shooter.

Alrighty then, I am sure you are on the edge of your seat waiting to see what other mundane things I can tell you. But, people I am pooped.
Girl Child and I have an early morning. The get up Before the Butt-Crack of Dawn kind ahead of us.
So goodnight.
Tomorrow I am hoping to Big Shooter will agree/fall victim to my pleading, begging, cajoling and guest blog. Won't that be a ring-dinger?

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Darlin' they will love you. Love you. I am sure with a little encouragement from them and me, you'll see the light. Come on over to this side of the keyboard Big Guy. It's fair weather over here. You'll enjoy it, I promise. (heh. heh.)

Olympic Break for Kid Speak

* If you came over for Olympic Mania - Read post below this one. *

So this wasn't my Crumb Snatcher, but a good friend's Crumb instead. I'm going to name them June and Beaver Cleaver so you can understand why I find this so stinkin' hilarious. Cause I can NOT pass up sharing this little gem with y'all!

Beaver, Girl Child and Boy Child were sitting together at the pool sharing a snack.
I was making a menu for the week and asked the Crumbs if they had any preferences to add.
After a few minutes of discussion Girl Child looked over at Beaver and asked, "Are you allergic to anything?"
Beaver immediately answered, "Weed. I'm really allergic to weed."

choke. snort. guffaw.
June is gonna positively die when I tease her about this one!

Have you looked at the widget on the sidebar lately?!

Less. than. 5. days. away!!

How can it already be here? I have so many more Olympians to tell the Crumbs about. We haven't finished our Geography Lessons. (The Games lend themselves perfectly for this by the way fellow homeschoolers...or anyone else.) We're almost done with studying Chinese Culture. We're still working ahead to get future chores and duties done ahead of time. You know, so Domestic Bliss can still reign during the upcoming Two Week Domestic Hiatus.

Btw, this is one of my area's very fun Domestic Divas. Click here to stop by and say, "Howdy Do."

But most importantly, the question weighing heavily on my mind is, "Do we have everything we need ready to rock and roll come Friday evening?" Almost. I need to make a few quick runs, then we are Golden.

Here is our Comprehensive List for Successful Olympic Watching Must Haves:

Small air-horns ~ These are fun, fun. But, they get used once, outside, right after the Olympic Flame is lit. Note to self: Remind poor elderly neighbors of upcoming hoopla. I found this site to make air horns. Now it can be a fun science/craft project instead! And I won't mind them blowing them the whole time!

Hats ~ Can be any American type hat. Cowboy hats. Party hats. Trucker hats. Uncle Sam hats. Baseball hats. Dr. Seuss hats. Red, White and Blue hats. Wearing head wear just makes events more special.

Poms & Small U.S. flags ~ for the obvious waving opportunities.


Big U.S. flags ~ Of course we have our big, nice one flying outside the house. But I would like to have another inexpensive one for the Crumbs to hold, use as a cape (Fellow flag lovers, flag etiquette followers - I know it's against the rules. I'm doing it anyway.) or wrap around themselves while they stand on a stool and sing along when our beloved song is played for the World to hear! (I have several I keep on hand in the trunk of my car. For those pesky times I feel the overwhelming need to offer one to someone who is flying a tattered or too weathered one. Yes, I am serious. Yes, I have stopped at strangers' houses. Businesses too. What do I say? What do they say? That's a post right there, isn't it?)

Snacks & Drinks ~ Usually we just use this time for an excuse to serve the snacks we eat during the Ultimate All-American event - the Super Bowl. These Games we are going to have a few of our fam's faves (popcorn, pretzels, vanilla almonds, etc.), but we're adding a few other's too. And I'll need y'all's help for this one. I'd like to add a few things that scream American to the list. Like apple pie. Jello. And then my mind goes black. (I'd say blank, but that was a long while back.) Can ya give a girl a hand with some ideas? We are also going to be doing a little Home Ec. during the day making Foreign Treats. It should be fun.

White poster boards ~ One for each Crumb to make their "I'm proud to be an American" banner or sign for Opening & Closing Ceremonies. And one for the whole fam to work on making a Family Symbol. Found a site to give us ideas.

Noise Makers ~ The usual. Party horns. Cow bells. Clackers and clappers. Megaphones. Etc.

Xanax & Kleenex & a new Larynx ~ all for the obvious reasons...

Runnin'outtatimeGottagoshoppin'Bye.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: (sigh)...(bigger sigh)...Ready to rock and roll with the Good Ole U.S.A.? I am. Crumbs think they are. I am not quite sure if they really remember what Freaks of Nature we really are when it comes to this...they're about to though. I hope they don't run away from home after the first night.

Note from Straight Shooter: I'll be back today with a few featured Olympians or I'll double up tomorrow so we can meet more of these amazing people.

Wish you were here...

enjoying this

and this

and this

and this with us today!

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