March 24, 2009

Nicknames, Alternative Handles or "Hey, you!"

My dear bloggy friend, Somebody Loved, asked yesterday if I called Big Shooter anything besides Sledge...

Now those of you who know me personally I politely ask you to stop snickering, cause this is supposedly a family friendly(ish) kinda blog and I'm not sharing all the nicknames Big Shooter gets called...often.

Sheila's question really got me thinking about names we are affectionately called or call others. Every time I talked to one of the Crumbs today, I thought about what I called them. I am definitely a nicknamer.

When I taught 3rd graders, I rarely called them by their names. I always called them Sweetie, Honey, Darlin', Love Child (I know, that last one is borderline weird.). Every new class took a little adjusting, then they all got used to it and didn't ask why anymore. I didn't have an answer anyway. I just did it. I still do. Everyone in my life has a nickname of some sort. They may not know it. But I do...and more than likely so do the Crumbs and Big Shooter.

Big Shooter's real life name starts with a B, so when we first dated that's all I called him. B. Now, once his fam got used to my personality and my name starts with get the picture. Together, we are a bunch of BS...I know, it's corny. But, it sure is true corniness.

I really just call him Love. Or Darlin'. Or Love Monkey. Or Hunka Burnin' Love. Or Bubba. Or Dork. But mostly, Love. Sometimes I add Muffin at the end. How's that for feminine Sheila? Are any of those helping Tony feel better about Lovebug?

Now the Crumbs? They don't really know their real given names.
Boy Child gets called - Boy, Pants, Brother, First Child, Boy Child, Sweetheart, Little Love, Darlin', Bubba Boy, Sweet Boy, Sweetheart, and Doofus.
Girl Child gets called - Girl, Skirt, Sister, Sissy, MBR (her initials), Sweetness, Sugar, Love Child, Princess, Baby Cakes, Sweetie, Honey Bunch, Darlin', and Dorkus.

Even Olliver doesn't really know his name. He gets called - My Baby, Babykins, The Good Child, The Dumb Dog, The Damn Dog, The Bestest Dog, Frog Man, Salty Dog, Scrawny Legs, Dead Weight and of course, Brain Dead.

What do you call your fam, friends, loved ones...enemies?

Love Note to my Big Shooter: B, Bubba, Sledge, Love, Darlin', Sweetie-Pie-Honey-Bunch, Love of my Life, Dorkfest. Of all of them, my favorite is Survivor. Before you get all swarmy and gooey warm on the inside, I don't mean cancer survivor, I mean a survivor of me....heh, heh.

March 23, 2009

Big Shooter's Fan Club

Here's my manly husband. his wig.

Y'all know I lovingly call this character, Sledge.
Now, I unabashedly love Sledge.
He's not at all like the boy I married.
I must have a hidden thing for rockers.
Trouble makers.
Law breakers perhaps.
Bad boys.
But it seems I am not the only one.
Here's how I know. Big Shooter sent in a couple pictures to the place he bought the wig from because they knew he was using it for Halloween and asked to see how he turned out.
He obliged.
And then the first few emails arrived from the owner of the wig business.
He explained he'd begun receiving inquiries about the hot rocker dude and thought it'd be fun for Big Shooter to know.
Here's the latest email:
From: WFP
To: Big Shooter
Sent: Fri Mar 13 11:56:14 2009

Subject: inquiries

Hi Big Shooter,
Just wanted to update you on your picture on our site, We still have a lot of women who email us to ask us who the handsome guy is. One lady wrote to ask if you were available, I told her that you are I do not and will not give them any information, but just thought that I would let you know that you have a fan club out there, Take care and thank you so much for your pictures. Say hello to your wife who helped set you up for the photos.
Al (WFP)
Now, Big Shooter would be flattered and more than likely get a big head like any other red-blooded man IF he hadn't already seen the majority of clientele photos for this particular business...
The following are just 6 reasons he's not all that flattered by Al's latest email.






And my personal favorite...
Wig wearer.
Rocker Dude.
Fan Club.
Sledge is not anything like the boy I married.
That combination of words would have caused that boy to change his pants.
Love Note to my Big Shooter: I love you Sledge. Alot.

March 16, 2009

Ahhh....Spring Break

See y'all next week!!
I'll be back next Sunday the 22nd...
with a tale about Big Shooter and his internet transvestite fan club.
Not kidding.
It makes me giggle every time I think of it...

March 12, 2009

"It smells a little like poo in here..."

"...or chicken...," Big Shooter quickly tried to backtrack when he entered the house and then realized I was cooking.

Too late.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: How was that yummy, plain noodle bowl for dinner Big Guy? The kids and I loved our chicken alfredo...

March 11, 2009

(Big sigh...) Back to Momma Fluff a.k.a. Crumb Snatcher Speak

After the past few posts, you may be happy to know I am back on the xanax and wine coolers. Which translates to, "I am back to normal. It should be plain ole bore-ing momma bloggin' for a while y'all."

Girl Child Speak:

  • After hearing all the ins and outs (pun not intended) of the slim odds of sperm and egg actually meeting, Girl Child shouted, "It's like The Price is Right!!! You, (pointing her finger and speaking in a deep voice) Lucky Woman are the lucky winner of a baaaaaby! This prize includes diapers, spit up, poop and looooove."

  • After watching a toy being tossed to her brother hit him in the chest she giggled with glee, "Ooow, that hit you in the breasts!" Noticing the look on her brother's face I corrected her, "Scooby (nickname), boys don't have breasts." "YEAH!", exclaimed her big brother. She didn't even pause. "Oooow, that hit you in the lumps then..."

Boy Child Speak:

  • Daddy-O glanced at the TV as he passed by. While backing up, he inquired about who was riding an animal on the previous shot. Boy Child informed him, "It wasn't a kid or a parent. It was another kind of human. It was a grandma."

Love Note to my Big Shooter: I am so grateful to know when Momma's not around, the Crumbs are still in capable hands. Thank you for putting on the doctor, nurturer, taxi, chef, teacher and chief bottle washer hats for me yesterday, Love.

March 9, 2009

Another Pot Stirrer...Seriously???

I know I promised yet another Pot Stirrer today.

This one starring the new resident at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

I'm gonna deliver it. For both sides sakes.

Just not in a snarky kinda way. For both sides sakes.

Cause here's why ~ We are tired. We are dirty. (well at least I still feel dirty...) We are pooped. (too pooped to think hard about anything like a witty blog) Yesterday we began our family's science project for the rest of the school year and through the summer. And I'll tell you more about it soon.

So since I cBulleted Listannot think of any way to tell this story in a humorous or a fair non-biased way, I am just going to give you the basic facts and you can draw your own conclusions. Non-Humorous. Speechless. Non-biased. Whatever.

    The United States of America's greatest ally, Great Britain, sent their man, Prime Minister Brown across the pond for a first one on one meeting and to solidify our country's friendship with our new POTUS.

    Mr. Brown (who is nearly blind, you'll know why I mention this a little later) thought long and hard about what he was going to bring as gifts to the New Leader of the Free World.

    These were the results:

    1. Mr. Brown had a custom desk set made....From the wood of a former slave ship that had been captured and turned over for His Majesty's fleet christened the President. Later the President was re-named the Gannett and was assigned a sister ship. The Resolute.
    2. A framed certificate concerning the Resolute. The same ship whose wood was used to make the desk in the oval office. The one the new POTUS has made many admiring comments about.
    3. A first edition set of a 7 volume biography on Winston Churchill. Who inherited a country on the brink of disaster. Who stood his ground. Who took the reigns and saved his beloved country. (Just an out of the blue guess, I'm thinking the similarities here were not by coincidence...?)

    Wow! Those are some very thoughtful, researched, generous and well-planned gifts! Let me re-cap in different words:

    The People of Great Britain, sent through their Prime Minister, a custom made desk set made from the wood of a former slave ship once called the President and sister to the Resolute. A beautifully framed certification of a much publicly admired historic piece of Oval Office furniture made from the Resolute. And a rare set of books for a self proclaimed prolific reader of great literature about a man who walked in the shoes now being worn by our President.

    Now you ask, what did the wealthiest, most influential, most benevolent country in the world offer, through their POTUS, as a sign of their gratitude and appreciation?

    Prepare yourself for the thoughtfulness...

    Prepare yourself for the forethought...

    Prepare yourself for the diplomacy...

    Why a 25 DVD set of American Film Classics.

    Yes. Let it sink in.

    No. I am not joking.

    Just typing it makes me sick to my stomach all over again.

    Now, I know I waved the red flag the other day in the comment section. Taunted and was aiming for a fight. But that was before I engaged in the wallowing for which I had to apologize. I don't want to do that again. Wallow. Or in turn have to apologize for my behavior.

    So here's the deal. I know what most of my readers are going to say. It'll be either "(gasp) Obama can do no wrong! He's the One. He's going to turn this country around!" or "(sigh) Obama is a moron. An amateur leading us into God knows what." And frankly, I don't want to hear either side of it today.

    Both sides listen up.

    That was a colossal public snub. No denying it. No getting around it. In fact Prime Minister Brown refused to answer the questions about the gift. He tried desperately to protect our integrity. (Ironically, it was the zealous Obama loving media thinking the gift was so incredibly fantastic and Obama being so humble and unassuming that fueled the fire to dig until it was uncovered. Then it was buried as fast and deep as they could get it.) The damage is done. And for those of you who are in denial, please go google some English papers or European. Read for yourself what they say about the shaft and their rapidly waning opinions and hope for a renewed America. We have a tendency to lean towards the egocentric here in the U.S. If it's not on the news, in the papers or shouted from the rooftops it's level of importance is not taken serious. We think it doesn't apply to us. And I can assure you of the importance of other countries' perception of America. Right now, a few things are going on but the Obamania hasn't worn down enough for many Americans to hear the international outrage.

    I don't mean just from a silly gift-exchange people. I am talking about leader after leader from foreign countries having something less than pleasant to say about our new administration. It is frightening to me how fast the world view is changing. Is no one listening? Has no one been able to lift their head up yet from the Inauguration Drunkfest? The world is watching people. And our media is protecting us from their very disgruntled views. We were caught off guard we have to do it again?

    Obama Lovers, I certainly hope you can look past the defensiveness and see that he is human and along with all the changes many wanted he is also making mistakes of huge international magnitudes as well.

    Obama Haters, zip your lips and get on your knees. The world is watching his actions. He needs our prayers not our pity and wrath right this minute. It's going to be a long road. 1,411 days long to be exact...

    Love Note to my Big Shooter: I know you were looking forward to a typical Straight Shooter post where I shoot my mouth off half cocked and then attack, ridicule and belittle the few who dare speak up and disagree...but I'm still tired and grumpy so I thought I'd just give it to them straight. Not loaded with insidious or provoking comments. Well not too provoking. But, my love, rest assured in my foul mood if I do get red flags waving...I won't disappoint. But please don't leave me an anonymous one just to wind me up and watch me go. Please. I have a headache. Seriously.

    March 7, 2009

    Friendly reminder from Mrs. Pig-Head

    Set your clocks forward tonight...

    If you're wondering what this is all about, read yesterday's post...and comments.

    March 6, 2009

    Nothing like abortion to stir things up...

    How long has it been since the pot got good and stirred up?
    A while? Oh...just yesterday?
    Good let's do it some more...

    It's murder.
    I'm against it.
    And this is what I am going to take part in.

    Red Envelopes Represent Abortion Deaths

    What began as one box of red envelopes has become somewhat of a cultural phenomenon.
    Christ Otto has been involved in the pro-life movement for nearly 20 years. As the pro-abortion Barack Obama took office, Otto was rightly concerned and began praying about the situation.
    “I believe God gave me an interesting idea,” he says.
    Enter the box of red envelopes.
    Otto, 37, wants Obama to receive hundreds, thousands, millions, of empty red envelopes, symbolizing the tremendous loss of abortion.
    “I wish we could send 50 million red envelopes, one for every child who died before having a chance to live,” he says. “Maybe it will change the heart of the president.”
    Otto says it’s a small act that could make a big statement.
    “People are not going to get into an argument,” he says. “They’re not going to stand in front of an abortion clinic. But they are going to buy an envelope and cast this vote for life.”
    The plan is simple: On March 31, mail an empty red envelope to:
    President Barack Obama The White House1600 Pennsylvania Ave. N.W.Washington, D.C. 20500
    On the outside of the envelope, write:
    “This envelope represents one child who died in abortion. It is empty because that life was unable to offer anything to the world. Responsibility begins with conception.”

    Love Note to my Big Shooter: Witnessing you turn from a young adult without a clear opinion on The Right To Choose to a middle-aged man whose eyes, heart and mind have been transformed into a father of four (two here, two waiting for us in Heaven) with a definite opinion, has been quite a journey to witness.

    March 4, 2009

    New Orleans...worth the effort or a wasteland?

    Yep. I know. I just ruffled some feathers by askin' that.
    But please. I am so tired of hearing the whining that goes on within, around and about New Orleans.
    I want to scream from the rooftops, "What about the other hundreds of thousands of families up and down the coast whose lives were devastated and completely destroyed by Katrina? Whom had to start from scratch. Whom you don't hear complainin', or in essence, beggin'. Whom chose to help each other, support each other and encourage each other while they're rebuilding. Instead of robbing and killing each other! And what about the families north of us who faced even worse flooding last fall? Do they require Marshall law or the National Guard for protection? Or just for help?"
    What brought this little tirade on you ask? This article I read last week:

    NEW ORLEANS (Associated Press) -- Three and a half years after Hurricane Katrina, the National Guard is pulling the last of its troops out of New Orleans this weekend, leaving behind a city still desperate and dangerous. Residents long distrustful of the city's police force are worried they will have to fend for themselves.
    "I don't know if crime will go up after these guys leave. But I know a lot more of us will be packing our own pieces now to make sure we're protected," said Calvin Stewart, owner of a restaurant and store.
    New Orleans Police Superintendent Warren Riley said his rebuilt police department is up to the job of protecting the city. "I think we're ready to handle things," he said.
    The National Guardsmen were welcomed as liberators when they arrived in force in a big convoy more than four days after Katrina struck New Orleans in August 2005 and plunged the city into anarchy. The force was eventually 15,000 strong.
    The last of the troops were removed in January 2006 as civil authority returned, but then, after a surge in bloodshed, 360 were sent back in beginning in mid-2006 to help police keep order. As of February, only about 100 troops were left in the city.
    With Louisiana facing a $341 million budget deficit, state lawmakers were reluctant to keep the Guard in place any longer.
    The Guard was used to patrol the less populated sections of the city where Katrina's floodwaters left most houses uninhabitable. That included the woeful Ninth Ward, where renovated houses are outnumbered by moldy, boarded-up wrecks and weed-choked vacant lots.

    In their camouflage uniforms and Humvees, the troops were often a welcome sight.
    "We don't have enough cops. It's not that they're bad, it's just that there's not enough of them. These guys are Johnny-on-the-spot when you need them," said 57-year-old Tom Hightower, who is still trying to get the mold out of his house. He added: "This is still a spooky place after dark."
    "One of the biggest things we did was keep those places safe so people could rebuild," said Sgt. Wayne Lewis, a New Orleans native who has been patrolling the streets since January 2007. "People would put the things to rebuild in their houses and thieves would come along and take them right out again. We stopped a lot of that."
    New Orleans had 210 murders in 2007, making it the murder capital of America, with the highest per-capita rate in the country. That number dropped to 179 in 2008.
    Nevertheless, "crime continues to be this community's No. 1 concern. Even with the lower numbers it is still unacceptably high," said Rafael Goyeneche, executive director of the Metropolitan Crime Commission.

    Now I know I certainly shouldn't believe everything I hear in the media or I'd think the majority of San Fransisco was gay, Seattle was filled with unreasonable, grungy, coffee-drinkin' tree huggers, Chicago...oops, make that Illinois, was being governed exclusively by crooked politicians, New York City was swarming with sex depraved single women, Florida's official state language was Spanish, or Texas & Oklahoma were filled with empty-headed, ill-informed, redneck cowboys. So possibly New Orleans isn't as bad as they make it seem after three and a half years...?

    Three and a half years and they're still in complete disarray? C'mon people!

    I am fed up with hand outs and helpin' others who don't help themselves.

    People outside New Orleans who still need help? Oh yeah. I'm into those kinda hand outs. People helping people help people. Read it again. It makes sense. People helping people help people.

    March 3, 2009

    One Life Changing Word

    Unconditional. Cancer. Yes. Salvation. Positive. Miscarriage. Boy. Girl.

    Just a few of the words that have irrevocably altered my life in fantastic ways and crushing ways.

    How about you? What one word changed your life forever...?

    Big Shooter's List: Baby. Marriage. Malignant. Survivor. Blackberry.

    March 2, 2009

    Which would you rather?

    • Know boundless love from a beautiful man?


    • Know beautiful love from a bound man?

    Love Note to my Big Shooter: So glad I don't have to choose, you are my beautiful, bound man...Rrrr.

    March 1, 2009

    Happy Birthday

    to you.

    Happy Birthday

    to you.



    Dear Daughter...
    to you.
    We love you with all our hearts Bitty Boo.
    You are our Sunshine on a cloudy day.
    You are sugar to our souls.
    Love you.
    Love Note to my Big Shooter: 9 years ago you gave me my most treasured surprise. Thank you. I cannot imagine life without My Girl.