I'm a closed minded, bible thumper, red stater...

...and I'm ticked.

Here's why. Yesterday our lovely, geriatric neighbor Eula Mae decided to apply a mail ordered hair growth gel to her very delicate, frail-thin scalp...the secret ingredient happened to be hot peppers.

After the trauma and drama died down a little, these are the things I realized.

• False infomercials work.


• People who watch a lot of TV watch a lot of infomercials...and believe their claims.


• You never out grow vanity.


• An 86 year old woman in pain knows words you never thought you'd hear.


• Ground water in Oklahoma does not stay cold enough in the summer to cool chemical burns...no matter how long you run it.


• No matter how much you plan, begin preparing and slowly start to teach your children about differences in the world...you can't shield them from the liberal media's aggressive advance to be politically correct. Even if it's wrong to do it the way they do.

Now, let me preface my next statements with these facts.

Compared to many of our family members, we are as Far Right Wing Conservative as you can get without actually taking feathered flight.

Compared to most of our friends, we are their Token Liberal Friends they can throw around in conversation. "Oh, I have this friend, and she thinks it's okay to drink alcohol and dance. Can you imagine that?"

So really we fall somewhere in the middle. We have some really conservative views on issues and we have some really liberal views (comparatively) on a few issues.

I say all that to explain why I was so ticked when I was asked "Why?!", "How come?" and "Is that true?" by my young children after they watched a news story while I dried Eula Mae off in the bathroom.

This was the story.

Before you start judging me for having a problem with these pics being broadcast all over the world, let me say this please.

• I don't care what these people do.
• I don't care how they want to celebrate their relationship.
• I am not about to point fingers and judge. I am waaaay too guilty of my own sins. Thankyouverymuch.
• As much as it Irritates the Fire outta me sometimes, I am all about American Freedoms. And Ellen DeGeneres is free to do what ever she wants within the laws. Whether I agree or disagree does not matter one iota. Judgement is not my gig. As Obama now infamously (read idiotically) recently justified, "It's above my pay scale."

However, I am not about the media's perceived right to flaunt their askewed morals in my children's face, during the dinner hour, on the NBC Nightly News. Damn NBC. Every 2 years when I have to watch NBC for the Olympics - I cringe. I have to convince myself it's worth it. They always win out in the end b/c they have the best Olympic coverage...but...arrrr. I hate being a sell out. I hate NBC. And, just so ya know, Girl Child would say, "hate is not a nice word, Mommee."

Big Shooter and I have been having many a discussion on puberty, marriage, sex, the world's view vs. the Shooter household view, sexual orientation (we have a large number of gay couples in our neighborhood, and several friends who are openly gay), and what, when and how much to start sharing with the Crumbs.

We do not want our children to become bigots and/or zealots. But yet, we do not want our children to think we agree with the homosexual lifestyle. On the other hand, we don't want our kids to think the people who take part in these kinds of lifestyles are bad people. The sins we all commit as people are bad. We want them to understand there are no perfect people. That role was full filled by Someone else. But we do want them to realize and recognize people make choices in their lives that have everlasting consequences. Spiritual consequences. And that they themselves, like every single one of us, will be faced with many such dilemmas daily. Some will be hidden temptations and indulgences. Some will be public. Some are enjoyable. (Oh, so enjoyable!) Some only cause misery. And one is not bigger than the others. But, all have consequences.

I say all the time, "Do not judge others by pointing them out...for when you point, you have 3 fingers pointing directly back at you. Look at your own heart. Is it pure? Let's worry about ourselves first."

It is a fine line to walk. This parenting gig. The stages and circumstances we must traverse to raise good, fair, kind and gracious citizens is rigorous, easy, hard, enjoyable and painful enough.

We, in the Shooter household at least, don't want or need the media deciding our family's time schedule for us in their race to be first in the Politically Correct event. Really, we don't. And it ticks me off.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Thank you for being a rock. Our rock. One who is smooth, round and just perfect for skipping!