October 6, 2008

Tried to bribe a police officer

I have a story to tell you this week about last week.
I couldn't tell you any sooner because 1) Big Shooter was out of town last week. And 2) I couldn't keep my heart rate below 200 whenever I thought of it.

Here are the basic facts:

* The Crumb Snatchers were in bed asleep. Girl in her bed in the front of the house. Boy in mine in the back of the house.

* I was sitting in the living room, near the front windows, typing on the laptop.

* No question about it, someone tried to get in my front door. Plain as day. Not maybe.

* Some of you know this about me, some of you don't, some of you have been with me when the Mama Bear kicks in to overdrive.

* I took off at a dead run to the back of the house to git me one of them guns...

* Only to discover one was "missing" from my secret, need-it-for-safety-purposes-right now-spot and the other I remembered I'd loaned to my dad.

* Turns out, Big Shooter still had my Glock in his car from the lake weekend. (He informed me of this when I called him not so calmly asking of it's where abouts...)

* He strongly suggested I call 911.

* What a novel idea.

* I somewhat calmly informed the dispatcher I was here alone with two young children and I'd appreciate an officer here RIGHT NOW. Thank you.

* She asked if I had a weapon. I told her all I had was my hubby's old shotgun with no shells. (I was thinking, "Do I even know where that is?) She said, "That's okay. I'd still like you to get it out." Whuh?!!

* Uh...okay. That sent my blood pressure even higher.

* After I'd informed her I had the old rusty thing out she asked where I and the kiddos were in the house, reminded me to stay away from windows but to stay as centrally located as possible. I appreciated the reminder, but I had already turned on all the outside lights and off all the inside lights but one and was standing where I could easily see both doors with one small step.

* The officer arrived within 2 minutes, checked all around the outside, calmed my nerves a bit and promised to patrol through the night.

* I don't think I slept more than 50 minutes the rest of the night.

* The next day Taco Bandito (Saucy Sashi's hubby) hooked me up with a shotgun and shells for the remainder of Big Shooter's absence. Thank you Taco Bandito. I slept like a baby.

I learned many things from this experience.

1) The Brain Dead Pug was well, brain-dead when the chips were down. (He didn't bark until I lept off my chair and when running fora gun. Whata Watch Dog...I love that canine.) 2) Bad Guys can be scared away with an unloaded, rusty antique according to the dispatcher. 3) Under extreme stress I don't think past the basic "Over my dead body will you touch my cubs..." to call the police. 4) Taco Bandito has some serious home protection I am very envious of. 5) Officers cannot take even food gift cards as thank yous. That fact saddened me greatly the next day. I am so very grateful for/to this officer. We at least wanted to buy him dinner or lunch. The city looks at that like I am bribing or buying him...?


Love Note to my Big Shooter: Thank you for staying calm, rational, and the Ultimate Protector even from afar of your little grateful fam. We are thrilled you are home.


Anonymous said...

Hey that was exciting!!!!
Yep...need to be prepared...like speed dial 911 first... But, time to have dedicated protection... not adhock...get the $129.95 walmart special 12 ga. pump shot gun...saw off the barrell to 18 inches (?) and keep in a special area..(kids? and kid's friends?)

Pat said...

Wow, guess last week was the week for excitement,huh? I probably wouldn't have thought of 911 either, funny how the mind works. Glad Bandito helped you out there and that you are all well.

Anonymous said...

Geeze. Scary stuff. Listen to Dad over there telling you exactly how to do it. Don't jack with Dad!

Glad you're all ok.

FIL said...

You might want to shoot him in the eye. I here that scares um.
As for the gift card, send it this way. I can be bribed

Love ya

Leslie said...

OK that would have freaked me out too...and the police are always my last thought too for some reason (hate to bother them - lol). I am so glad you and the kiddos are ok!!

Huse Yo Mama said...

Wow, girl! I wouldn't have known what to do with kids split in the house like that. That gives me the willies just thinking about it! Way to go!

My Dad is a cop and people are constantly offering him gift cards...to which he still says no. I guess it's good they are honest! And truthfully, isn't it better that they can't be bribed...because you would have had to bribe them BEFORE someone tried to come into your house.

Glad y'all are safe.

Gordostyle said...

NO WAY?! Holy criimanelly! Thank your LUCKY stars girlfriend!


Anonymous said...

Oh yeah....COPS!! As you know... I have to pull the blinds to keep the state cops away from here...after winter auto crash investigations here on the mountain they stop by for coffee, fresh baked goods and hunting stories...summer time ...fishing stories....Well...helped enough too keep Granny M from a seat belt ticket...couldn't risk locking the seat belt...just fresh nails from the mail salon...
Oh and for "nobody you know" don't forget the shotgun inside the bathroom wall.

The Bayou Belles and Their Beau said...

It's cracking me up that you even offered him a food gift card. Like to where? What restaurant would be worthy of giving to the man who could have saved your life? Applebee's? Chili's? Funny stuff.

And, hey, you're making me want to go out right now and get a gun. My hubs rarely ever is out of town, but when he is, I always think about what I would use against an intruder. We do have an alarm, but if it went off ... then, what? Kitchen knives, I guess.

[Somebody Loved] said...

For once I am not wishing I was you. How awful... and scary... and a definite high BP maker.

Thanks Heavens for Sashi & Taco Bandito & the officers that showed up quick in the first place.

Instead of 'Annie get your gun' it'll be Straight-Shooter's GOT her gun.

Glad you are all ok,


Queen B said...

Oh my! That is so scary. I'm glad you are all ok!!!

Kristina P. said...

How completely scary!

I'm alone a lot, since my husband travels for work, and this is my greatest fear. We do have guns in the house, but I've never shot one in my life!

Christine said...

That. Is. Scary. And having it happen at night ratchets the Scary up 10,000 times. Maybe you can jot an email to the police PR folks and just let them know how much you appreciate it. Might get that guy an atta' boy from his boss...

melissa said...

Yikies!**In voice of Velma from Scooby-Doo**

I would have freaked out!
The other night I saw wet foot prints on the front porch at my daughters window!
Very scary.

Glad yall are okay!

Suzanne said...

Ok, you didn't mention this today!! Scary! I'm so glad you were all ok! Make sure you have that shotgun handy at all times!! ha!

It was so fun to talk to you today!

Soliloquy said...

No friggin' way! You have GUNS at your house??

I have a WHOLE NEW RESPECT for you, girl.

Jenni said...

That is terrifying. I'm so glad you guys are all right and that Big Shooter is home!