Crumb Snatcher Speak

I will never tire of the funny things they say.  And they are definitely getting further and further apart...
I don't even know if I can explain this one clearly, but I have to try.

Boy Child called while I was out to ask if I'd take him to Game Stop to exhcange a game before they closed.  I said, "Sure.  You'll need to call and see if they're still open."  I hung up and called them too. (I mistakenly thought it'd take him a little while to look up their number.  I now think he has their number memorized.)  I called the one on Elm Dr. and asked their hours.  My phone immediately rang.  I answered it with, "Guess what?  They close at 7:00."  His response was a surprised, "Mommy!  Did you call the one on Elm doctor too?!?"

Love Note to Big Shooter: Took two whole days to count them all.  But, I came up with 378 ways...  ;o)

Crumb Snatcher Speak & a Sashi Saying

• As we passed a hospital that specializes in brain trauma and mental issues, I said, "Mommy used to work at that mental hospital before you were born." Girl Child immediately corrected me with, "Didn't you mean to say lived there...not worked there?"

• While eating in a local yocal diner in small-town America (Pawhuska, OK) Girl Child observed just how busy it was during the lunch hour. "I mean, wow Mommy...people really do live in this town."

• "I am so not looking forward to my teenage years, " Boy Child solemnly announced yesterday. "Why? What's going to happen during your teenage years that will be so bad?" I asked. "You know, Mom. Braces and pimples...and braces and pimples are just life's way of saying it bites to be old. Like you Mom." Long pause. Then, "No offense Mom."

• I was trying to explain the concept of a wedding reception to Boy Child and his fellow 10 yo friend when Boy's light turned on and he proudly reported, "Oh yeah! I know what a wedding reception is Mommy! It's where I'll learn to spin on my back on the dance floor."

• My fave of the whole post was uttered so seriously and matter-of-factly by Saucy Sashi to one of her offspring in the van one day, I almost missed it..."If you don't stop chewing on your toenails, you won't get any ice cream."

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Wow! I realized as I was typing this post, either you haven't given me your typical blog fodder lately or I haven't been documenting them for posterity's sake (read blog's sake please). I am falling down on the job and haven't even had a good stiff drink to blame it on. I shall be Johnny-on-the-Spot from now on so watch what you say and do Buddy Boy!

(Big sigh...) Back to Momma Fluff a.k.a. Crumb Snatcher Speak

After the past few posts, you may be happy to know I am back on the xanax and wine coolers. Which translates to, "I am back to normal. It should be plain ole bore-ing momma bloggin' for a while y'all."

Girl Child Speak:

• After hearing all the ins and outs (pun not intended) of the slim odds of sperm and egg actually meeting, Girl Child shouted, "It's like The Price is Right!!! You, (pointing her finger and speaking in a deep voice) Lucky Woman are the lucky winner of a baaaaaby! This prize includes diapers, spit up, poop and looooove."

• After watching a toy being tossed to her brother hit him in the chest she giggled with glee, "Ooow, that hit you in the breasts!" Noticing the look on her brother's face I corrected her, "Scooby (nickname), boys don't have breasts." "YEAH!", exclaimed her big brother. She didn't even pause. "Oooow, that hit you in the lumps then..."

Boy Child Speak:

• Daddy-O glanced at the TV as he passed by. While backing up, he inquired about who was riding an animal on the previous shot. Boy Child informed him, "It wasn't a kid or a parent. It was another kind of human. It was a grandma."

Love Note to my Big Shooter: I am so grateful to know when Momma's not around, the Crumbs are still in capable hands. Thank you for putting on the doctor, nurturer, taxi, chef, teacher and chief bottle washer hats for me yesterday, Love.

More Crumb Snatcher Speak

Since Girl Child is getting very close to her birthday, she's got birthdays on the brain.
This morning she revealed her latest thoughts on her party ideas.
"Do you know what would be like a nightmare birthday party for me? A princess party.
And do you know what would be like a dream come true party? A redneck party."
When I sat speechless, she explained, " You know like Rooster (Sashi's youngest) had? Where we dug in the dirt pile, dressed like cowboys and had relays to the saddles, played in the pasture and old barn..."
Greeeeat. I will never live up to you Sashi. You perfect Redneck Momma you.


Love Note to my Big Shooter: Okay, okay. I finally agree. We do need a paternity test...

Fact of the Day: February is National Grapefruit month. Who thinks this stuff up? Fresh grapefruit in February?

Crumb Snatcher #1 Speak

* The other night I lost my wallet in a public place. When I realized it. I stayed calm (tongue firmly planted in cheek.) We returned to the aforementioned place and Boy Child ran in to see if it was there while I searched the car... again. He came running out with it waving high over his head. When he jumped in the car I yelled, "Woo Hoo! Thank God!" Boy Child looked at me with shock and indignantly asked, "What am I?! ...chopped cheese??"

* Very late last night during my drive back from a big JBF planning day, Boy Child called. He was whispering. I realized several things at once. He was scared. He was the only one awake in the house. And I could not offer him any real comfort 100 miles away. I knew I'd never convince him to walk through the dark house clear to the back of the house and snuggle up to Daddy-O. So I suggested the next best thing - his big, bad, baby sister. Whom, by the way, had not been feeling well for most of the day. "Sweetie, how about if you slip in and sleep next to Girl Child until I get home?" "I can't Mommy. Her white cells will be fighting." Confused I clarified, "Did you say white cells?" "Yes. She's sick. Her cells'll be fighting her sickness all night long."
Well of course, silly Mommy. How'd I let that little fact slip my mind???

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Thank you for playing Good Cop/Bad Cop with me for the Crumbs much needed benefit Darlin'. I so hope and pray they don't need too much therapy when they are adults...if they make it that long. And totally changing the subject, I vote we purchase a Cop Costume for personal practice. Are you game?

Fact of the Day: Let there be light! Today 162 years ago Thomas Edison was born. He held more than 1,000 patents for all his inventions. There are 25+ smaller words that can be made with this one: INVENTOR. How many can you come up with?

Crumb Snatcher Speak & upcoming interview

Boy Child, very matter of fact: "You know I'm only 10 and I've already dumped one girlfriend..."

Me, thinking: Oh maaaaan! And this from he who last week didn't think it was okay for any other male to touch his new wife's garter!

Me, asking: "Wwwow. Really? And who was that...?"

Boy Child, again very matter of fact: "I don't really know. I can't ever remember her name...it was so long ago. Like a lifetime."

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Oh Crud! I think we're (okay, I) am going to be in for big trouble with this one..."I've already dumped a girlfriend..."
Oh, and one more little thing. Would you be up for an interview? Like if people left questions in the comments or emailed them to me and I asked you and then posted the answers in a post kind of interview? You'd be cool with that? Fabulous! Okay, y'all - ask away!

One Fact a Day: Today is Oprah's 55th birthday! Yes. Five-five.

It's THAT time again...

JBF - Just Between Friends.

Our sale is 9 weeks away.

So Saucy Sashi and I are meeting to get things done...often.

We had a breakfast meeting a little while back.

After about an hour or so, Girl and Boy Child had pretty much had enough.

Since I have no clue how to work the scanner and the pix are blurry, I'll translate below.

Girl Child leans around and slips a note on our table: "are you omost done?"

Sashi: "Yes! In a JBF kinda way! Love, Sashi"

Girl Child: "Hello Girl Child speaking. I'm glad I'm realy glad. I'm realy realy glad Love Girl Child"

But, apparently she didn't believe us, because When Boy Child asked what we'd said, she wrote this to him: "no, In a copl hours."

When the ticket came it was Boy Child's turn. He slipped me this note: "Do I have to pay?"

Me: "Yes! Use your good looks and charm."

Girl Child interrupted: "He berly has any. love Girl Child"

Love Note to my Big Shooter: I can berly believe it's omost time for another sale???

Crumb Snatcher Speak

I know I teased you with a Big Shooter embarrassing moment today, but honestly, I am bushed and need some serious sleep. Depending on The Big Day today, I'll try to post it tomorrow.

Boy Child: "When I get married, do I really have to reach up and get my wife's private?"

Me thinking: "WHAT?!??? Where did this come from??? ...reach up and get her privates???" Then I realized what he meant and started to ask, "Do you mean..."

But before I could finish, Girl Child inquired: "... her goodies?"

After I could keep a straight face I asked them both: "Do you mean the little garter?"



Love Note to my Big Shooter: Just so you know, I didn't tell them what a garter was...they saw them on America's Funniest Videos...niiiice.

Crumb Snatcher Speak

You know how when something happens or is said that you really shouldn't laugh, snort or giggle at? Well, I had a very difficult time keeping the snickers (okay, guffaws) in when Boy Child very seriously asked, "Why don't you just grow a little hair in the bald spots to cover them up Daddy?"
Hee Hee Heee.
Love Note to Big Shooter: Sorry Love. I just couldn't help it or pass it by...

Crumb Snatcher #1 Speak

Since Plainsville is experiencing record lows the last few days, Boy Child informed his father when getting back into the vehicle he was "now so cold, I am suffering from hydrofoamia". Big Shooter later told me he wasn't sure whether to rehydrate him for the hydro part or turn him over to the pound in case he had rabies from the foamia...

Love Note to Big Shooter: Thank you for sharing with me. I know you know how much I treasure Crumb Speak...so thanks for remembering Big Guy.

Crumb Snatcher Speak

While writing the book she is giving to her GrammE later this month.

Girl Child: Hey Mommy, do you spell favorite, f-a-v-o-r-r-i-t-e?
Me: Almost. It only has one r.
Girl Child, after a long pause: Would it still be wrong if I was just too tired to change it?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Girl Child: I just thought of something. Since Thanksgiving is just around the corner, my birthday is only 4 blocks away...

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Boy Child, while watching Big Shooter prepare a dessert: So why do you peel the wrapper off the pear before you bake it?

Crumb Snatcher #1 Speak

Boy Child: Mom, have I ever been to a national museum? Like the National Museum of Art...or History... or something like that?

Straight Shooter: Yes. We all went to Washington D.C. a month after 9-11. It was very moving and sentimental for Mommy and Daddy.

Boy Child: Uh, huh.

Straight Shooter: I think it would be fabulous if every American could visit our nation's capitol at least once in their lifetime. It can be life chan...

Boy Child: Yep, I thought so. I just couldn't remember for sure. (Pause for thought.) I do know I've been to the original Wal*Mart Museum though! Now that was moving and sensitive, wasn't it Mommy?

Straight Shooter: Uh, huh.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: I think it is time to take a step back and take a SERIOUS look at what kind of parenting job we are doing...

Kids Political View

After learning what the national parties mascots were:




"What? An elephant? The republicans are elephants? Are they all fat and happy?" ~ Girl Child age 8 1/2


"...and the democrats are donkeys...or jackasses...or whatever you call those." ~ Boy Child age 10




I think tomorrow we will have a lesson on perception...

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Debates vs. Dreamland? Dreamland was victorious by a Knock Out! How sad.

Crumb Snatcher Speak & Clarification

Girl Child: What would you change your name to, if you could?
Me: Hmmm...I'd have to think on that one. I'd want it to be different. But, not "way out there" different. I'd want it to have a reason or a meaning...and it'd need to describe me in one word.
Girl Child: Oh! I've got one then. It's perfect. I think it should be Skally Wag. But wait...that's two words...

Thank you Spawn, thank you.

Note from the Editor: Just returning to the real world after a week of whirl-wind JBF activity. Posts may be scattered and scatter-brained for the next few days while we wrap up the ends and issue checks. Thank you for your patronage in my absence my Bloggy Friends.

As I was reading the comments I realized I did not clarify the post about the Illegal Dumping Grounds. That was not me personally speaking. It was written by a member of the Minuteman Civil Defense Corps from the Tucson Chapter.

To my dear friend Soliloquy ~ Yes, sadly this is very true. Click here and read more about it at the bottom of the page.

Crumb Snatcher #1 Speak

Boy Child: I know how your Funny Bone works.

Me: Wow. I don't.

Boy Child: Oh yeah, it's easy. When you bang your elbow really hard it sends so much feeling to your brain it makes you laugh because it tickles...especially your elbow. That's why they call it your fun-ny bone.

Me: Of...course. That makes perfect sense.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: What a great weekend. You tickled all our funny bones this weekend. Thank you.

Olympic Break for Kid Speak

* If you came over for Olympic Mania - Read post below this one. *

So this wasn't my Crumb Snatcher, but a good friend's Crumb instead. I'm going to name them June and Beaver Cleaver so you can understand why I find this so stinkin' hilarious. Cause I can NOT pass up sharing this little gem with y'all!

Beaver, Girl Child and Boy Child were sitting together at the pool sharing a snack.
I was making a menu for the week and asked the Crumbs if they had any preferences to add.
After a few minutes of discussion Girl Child looked over at Beaver and asked, "Are you allergic to anything?"
Beaver immediately answered, "Weed. I'm really allergic to weed."

choke. snort. guffaw.
June is gonna positively die when I tease her about this one!

Mid-morning Crumb Snatcher Speak

"Mommee, I can't get my earring through my earloaf." ~ Girl Child age 8

Crumb #1 Speak

After being instructed to look for a library book in a large basket, "Mommee, I'm just tellin' you straight...it's not in the wicked basket!" (wicker)

Crumb Snatcher Speak

Boy Child explained, "Don't worry we're just migrating," as I glanced up to see them walking with blankets and pillows in hand from one's bedroom to the other's.

Girl Child explained the sex of Sashi's baby goats to me this way. "There is one honey pot and two sour pots." Hmmmm.


Love Note to my Big Shooter: Thank you for always asking what I want to watch before you settle on a choice.

Crumb Snatcher Speak

Boy Child, after spotting a package of Oyster Crackers in the grocery store: "What?! These aren't unleaded." Then looking over at me, "You know... at church when we are suppose to be eating unleaded bread and wine?"