October 19, 2009
July 27, 2009
Long time no hear from I know. Here's why:
- Had a hysterectomy. (don't need any more Sweet and Loving Spawn)
Had major bladder repair. (hopefully, no more spontaneous piddling on the floor)
Big Shooter took aforementioned Sweet Spawn to Idaho to hang with their beloved Grammie while I recuperated...
While BS was 5 states away, I threw a couple pulmonary embolisms.
Started to bleed to death.
Went to ICU.
Started to bleed to death.
Went to ICU.
Stayed in ICU.
Now stable on blood thinners.
Third week in hospital.
June 20, 2009
June 9, 2009
Love Note to my Big Shooter: It's been a while since you've experienced the Compulsive Nurturer. I must first give you my condolences and second, my gratitude because you are handling it beautifully! Thank you, Love.
June 8, 2009
June 5, 2009
Do your family or friends ever give you that knowing glance and say it before you do in that "gottcha" kind of way?
One of my aunts, who lives in Utah, says, "Oh my heck."
My granddad had a very...shall we say, colorful expression he used frequently.
Big Shooter says, "Life is good" quite frequently.
And apparently, I say, "Oh my word" in between every sentence.
In fact, I've been told I have so many different ways of saying this phrase that I have one for every kind of situation.
- In response to Girl Child telling me she's finished yet another chapter book in a single evening: (said with the Momma Wow voice), " Oh my worrrd!"
- After Boy Child tells me, in agonizingly great detail, the many life-sustaining battles on a video game: (said with as much fake momma wow as I can muster), "Oh...my word."
- Tasting some divine culinary treat: (said slowly with a throaty voice), "Oh...my....worrrrd...".
- After Saucy Sashi gives me some unbelievable news: (each word is said separately and slowly with my eyebrows up as far as they can go), "Oh. My. Word. "
- Screeching at the top of my lungs when seeing a scary jumping bug, "Ohmyword! Ohmyword! OhmyWORD!!"
Love Note to my Big Shooter: I should have said your Signature Saying is, "Zzzzzzzz. snort. Zzzzzzzz."
June 4, 2009
Add these. And mix. I almost forgot the best part!
Spread this on hot slices.
June 3, 2009
The search was torment.
The search was arduous.
The search took us from sea to shining sea.
(By sea I mean tears...His wimpering and sniffling got old.)
But FINALLY, he has found the Perfect Girl to replace the tramp that plagued my life for far too long.
I may even partake in a menage trois now and then just to get the job done if need be!
Meet Red Toro. His new love.
Love Note to my Big Shooter: I should have known you'd do a bang-up job. She's pretty. She's clean. She's respectable. And best of all her reputation is irrefutable. Congratulations Big Shooter on a fantastic choice.
June 2, 2009
Love Note to my Big Shooter: Wooo Eeeee!! You sure can show a girl a good time! How'd I get so dang lucky??
June 1, 2009
"Yep," I assured her.
After a pretty long pause and intense study of the picture she decided, "Well I'd better be very careful with germs...that means staying away from boys. Especially dirty ones."
"Yep," I assured her smiling to myself.
May 29, 2009
When President-Elect Obama compared himself to Lincoln - The Great Emancipator, I vowed to zip it and not point out he hadn't done anything yet. Yes. He was taking over the reigns of a country divided and had big plans for healing...however, I felt, he needed to earn that kind of respect.
I told myself not to pass any judgement for the first 100 days. Let him get his feet wet. Let him find some footing.
That was until yesterday.
"I would put these first four months up against any prior administration since FDR," Obama said.
That, my friends, is pure unadulterated arrogance...
Let me ask you these questions:
- Would Kennedy have greeted and then entertained Castro and Chavez like family?
- Would Reagan have shut down our CIA systems around the world in the middle of a War on Terror?
- Would Roosevelt excuse all the terrorists of the U.S.S. Cole, Gitmo and the 9/11 masterminds?
- Did Clinton make his first call as Mr. President to Mahmoud Abbas, leader of Fatah party in the Palestinian territory or grant his first interview as prez on Al Arabia television?
Those are just a few of the posts that were dying to get typed. Not to mention the fact he recently signed an executive order (he wrote it back in Feb.) of presidential determination allowing hundreds of thousands of Palestinians to settle in the United States at American taxpayers' expense. By executive order, President Barack Obama has ordered the expenditure of $20.3 million in migration assistance to the Palestinians. (Federal Register FR Doc. E9-2488) Did you read that?
It's a done deal. We are now going to pay the way to the American Dream for people who openly hate America. Niiiice.
Today he is with Abbas shaking his finger at Israel.
Note to my Big Shooter: I know you wanted me to rant about the D-Day snub, but I couldn't get past the "I am the greatest thing since sliced bread" insinuation. In 44 months will there even be words great enough to describe his administration?
May 27, 2009
I'm kidding of course.
But that will have to wait for another post.
Love Note to my Big Shooter:
Dear Big Shooter,
Thanks for sending me the picture of the mooning ducks. They were adorable as could be. Brought back some fond memories. Made me take a stroll down Memory Lane. I love it when you send me emails in the middle of the day with a sweet note. Makes me feel loved and thought about. Feel free to send me more any time. I just file them under Blog Fodder...I mean, Notes from the Love of my Life. Have a fabulous day Sweetness. Can't wait for you to come home.
May 26, 2009
However, that was not really what I wanted to show you.
See that truck coming up behind me in the mirror?
Well, he's carrying a real important load.
How do I know?
It said so.
That yellow strip right under the doors and above his bumper told us what prized load he was transferring across state lines.
May 21, 2009
- As we passed a hospital that specializes in brain trauma and mental issues, I said, "Mommy used to work at that mental hospital before you were born." Girl Child immediately corrected me with, "Didn't you mean to say lived there...not worked there?"
- While eating in a local yocal diner in small-town America (Pawhuska, OK) Girl Child observed just how busy it was during the lunch hour. "I mean, wow Mommy...people really do live in this town."
- "I am so not looking forward to my teenage years, " Boy Child solemnly announced yesterday. "Why? What's going to happen during your teenage years that will be so bad?" I asked. "You know, Mom. Braces and pimples...and braces and pimples are just life's way of saying it bites to be old. Like you Mom." Long pause. Then, "No offense Mom."
- I was trying to explain the concept of a wedding reception to Boy Child and his fellow 10 yo friend when Boy's light turned on and he proudly reported, "Oh yeah! I know what a wedding reception is Mommy! It's where I'll learn to spin on my back on the dance floor."
- My fave of the whole post was uttered so seriously and matter-of-factly by Saucy Sashi to one of her offspring in the van one day, I almost missed it..."If you don't stop chewing on your toenails, you won't get any ice cream."
Love Note to my Big Shooter: Wow! I realized as I was typing this post, either you haven't given me your typical blog fodder lately or I haven't been documenting them for posterity's sake (read blog's sake please). I am falling down on the job and haven't even had a good stiff drink to blame it on. I shall be Johnny-on-the-Spot from now on so watch what you say and do Buddy Boy!
May 20, 2009
You'll love this. (Big Shooter's are red.)
- Rock Star Name: (1st Pet's name & current car) ~ PoPo DeVille (Ginger DeVille)
- Fly Guy/Girl Name: (1st initial + first 3 letters of your last name) ~ S-Mer
- Detective Name: (Fave color & fave animal) ~ Red Dog (Blue Cobra)
- Soap Opera Name: (Middle name & city/town born in) ~ Ann Falls (It's really Twin Falls, but that sounds so super silly!) (Robert Rupert)
- Star Wars Name: (First 3 letters of last name + first 2 of first name) ~ Merst (Merb-R)
- Superhero: ("The" & second fave color & fave drink) ~ The Pink Apple Pucker (with a spritz) (Black Jack DC)
- Nascar Name: (1st names of grandfathers') ~ Keith Ole
- Stripper Name: (Fave scent/perfume/cologne & fave candy) ~ Black Vette Chocolate(Fierce Jellybean)
- Witness Protection Name: (Mom & Dad's middle name) ~ Rae Findley (Helen G.)
- Weather Anchor Name: (5th grade teacher's last name & a city which starts with the same letter) ~ Memphis McAdams (Wynnewood Wright)
- Spy/Bond Name: (fave season/holiday & fave flower) ~ Summer Lily (Christmas Tulip)
- Cartoon Name: (fave fruit & article of present clothing + "ie" or "y") ~ Mango Shorty (Blueberry Bootsie)
- Hippy Name: (What you ate for breakfast & fave tree) ~ LoMein Dogwood (Kracker Pine)
That was fun!
My faves were PoPo DeVille and The Pink Apple Pucker. Big Shooter's fave was his stripper name Fierce Jellybean. If you partake in it yourself...leave me your fave creation for yourself.
Love Note to my Big Shooter: I think Sledge should meet Kracker Pine. I think they would be soul brothers...
May 19, 2009
I love names.
Naming my own children was like running a marathon.
We had the names we'd call them everyday picked out before they were a twinkle in Big Shooter's eyes. It was the middle names that gave us problems. Since I'd taught school, every name that came into contention I had a distinct like or dislike of.
Boy Child was not near as difficult as Girl Child though.
Big Shooter and I could NOT agree.
I thought we'd come to an agreement on the way to the hospital.
So did he.
Until he went with her to the nursery and I listened intently to the anesthesiologist and my O.B. G.'s conversation... then I wanted to change my mind. I loved the anesthesiologist's daughter's name. AND it was my great-granny's maiden name to boot! Ashton. I loved it.
(Of course I loved Cody Ryan, Paxton, Merry and Yancy too.)
She (the OB) and Big Shooter would have nothing to do with it. They were tired of me and my mind changing. So, they filled out the birth certificate with all the names Big Shooter and I had previously agreed on and I signed it.
Girl Child is blessed with four names.
Poor girl. She still can't wrap her mind around it.
What brought all this up?
Well remember my sweet, new, alternative-livin', heavily tattooed and very young neighbors? Did I mention they were 7 1/2 prego?
I love that name.
Love Note to my Big Shooter: Thank you for stepping in. You knew who they both were the moment you laid eyes on them. Me, on the other hand, was irrational with extremely high raging prego hormones and couldn't think clearly. You saved the day as usual. Sigh. I love you.
May 15, 2009
May 14, 2009
He was exceptionally proud of his love affair.
He met her in a friend's garage. It was a meeting filled with hot anticipation and lusty secrecy.
He proudly brought her home. Only to find his wife very unaccepting of this dirty, dirty girl.
His testosterone ran high as he defended her honor and questionable class to his un-understanding wife.
He could not begin to comprehend why his thoughtless spouse could call her such hurtful names.
Ugly. Dirty. Used up. Unusable. And the worst, cheap.
On the inside, he knew these things to be true.
But, on the outside he fought for her a place in the palace garage.
His wife agreed.
He readily agreed to them.
- Wife would never, under any circumstances, have to touch the dirty, piece of trash.
- He would only bring her out from the back recess of the garage in the late evening hours when the light was fading and the neighbors had most likely retired to the AC of their homes.
- When she died, she would quickly be replaced by one with a...clean reputation.
For 14 years he abode by the conditions. Never once did he ask the wife to intermingle with the help. Not once did he bring her out into the light.
And then she died.And the man has been heartbroken ever since.
His spirit is gone.
His lawn is in dire straights.
His pent up frustrations of the last 14 years are shining through.
He cannot/will not/refuses to honor the last condition.
His wife is tired of staring at this...
She has given him sufficient time to mourn the passing of his slutty mistress.
He, apparently, feels he needs more time.
The wife has heard from all the neighbors. They wonder what has happened to The Pride the man once had. She is too ashamed to tell them the truth.
She has asked politely, reminded gently, then whined and bitched.
She even asked to go look at replacements on the saint of all days, Mother's Day, knowing he could not refuse.
"O, Darling Husband, that I love with all my heart, please accompany me to Lowe's, Home Depot, Sears, and the nearest farmer's Co-Op to look for a respectable replacement for your dead girlfriend."
It may have been in the way she asked, but he actually thought of refusing her on the Saint of All Days...
Eventually he agreed. But each one had something "not right" about it.
Too small.Too much power.Just too much everything.
Her desire is to have this man living in her home again.One who loves his yard.
And yes, his mower too.
Love Note to my Big Shooter: I'll only give in and tell them the pics I've been posting are not really pictures of your yard...after you replace that sleazy tramp. Not a second before. Get over her already!
May 12, 2009
And typical of my charming neighborhood...it ain't gonna work out like that.
Today you get to meet the Recluse Artist. By meet I don't mean get to see and make his acquaintance. You get to hear about him.
- He has lived across the street from the Shooters for about 14 years.
- He did not talk to us for the first 9. (Don't think I didn't try. Alot.)
- He leaves his house every day between 4 and 4:30pm.
- He returns with a case of beer.
- He has long hippy hair.
- He walks with a cane.
- He is thoughtful enough to make sure his Pink Floyd is heard by us all. In our houses.
- His art is unbelievably fantastic. Fantastically scary. And fantastically creative.
- He threatened our other neighbor, a former Vietnam vet, whom I'll call Hot Head for a very real reason, with a hammer one morning. (I guess he'd eaten his Wheaties.)
Things always seem to happen to his house. During the Ice Storm of the Century, the Crumbs and I watched in disbelief as giant tree limb after tree limb crashed down on his roof and car. Someone recently decided to use the side of his house for bottle rocket target practice. And today...