May 27, 2009

Mooning on I-44


Have I ever told you about the time I mooned many passersby on Interstate 44?
Albeit unwillingly. But, mooned none the less.
Y'all know I'm really a Farm Girl from Idaho at heart. And Farm Girls have certain skills that most Citifieds wouldn't ever consider skills - until needed, of course. Like, pluckin' a chicken. Knowledge of irrigation. And the ability for quick, but modest, impromptu emptying of bladders out of doors.

Late one evening, before we were married, Big Shooter and I were traveling on a stretch of I-44 that has no rest stops for like a billion miles. Usually it's not a big deal. The problem was I'd drank the equivalent of a keg of ice tea while visiting Aunt Faye and Uncle Woodrow on their homeplace. I was new to Oklahoma and sweet tea. I didn't yet know that tea has a diuretic effect on me. An almost immediate effect.
My well thought out plan was to have Big Shooter pull to the side, turn off his lights, wait until there was a large gap between cars passing us and quickly take care of my business in front of his car where they couldn't see me. I had taken care of business in this manner 100s of times grownin' up. This would be no big deal. Just immediate, glorious relief. It would have worked out beautifully because the cars traveling in the opposite direction were also too far away to see anything either.
Unless the person you love,
the person you are betrothed to,
the one person in the world you trust more than any other...
slowly backs up the vehicle you are using as a privacy shield while you are, um... incapable of moving.
And then does this...
And the people traveling in both directions see this...
Big Shooter, obviously living in the same fantasy land he still visits often, thinks I'll have this reaction...
When, back in the real world, I have this one...
And then this one...
At which this point he realizes his dilemma.
He's afraid to let me back in the car because he's afraid for his life.
So he locks the doors.
Then he realizes that's not such a bright idea either because I simply turned heel and started walking down the road.
Back to Plainsville.
In the middle of the night.
On the side of I-44.
With him following me.
Slowly in the emergency lane.
With his lights shining on me.
Are you getting the picture?
Now he's realizing how this looks. That at any moment a State Trooper is going to pull over to investigate.
And he knows - I will have NO MERCY.
He's, once again, afraid for his life.
Smart boy.
Kinda.
After much begging, pleading, promising and apologizing - I finally got back in his car.
The next morning his car looked similar to this...

I'm kidding of course.

Kinda.

But that will have to wait for another post.

Love Note to my Big Shooter:

Dear Big Shooter,

Thanks for sending me the picture of the mooning ducks. They were adorable as could be. Brought back some fond memories. Made me take a stroll down Memory Lane. I love it when you send me emails in the middle of the day with a sweet note. Makes me feel loved and thought about. Feel free to send me more any time. I just file them under Blog Fodder...I mean, Notes from the Love of my Life. Have a fabulous day Sweetness. Can't wait for you to come home.

Lovies,

Straight Shooter

6 comments:

ShEiLa said...

Are you trying to kill me?

I was laughing so hard... girl when women like me that have had four kids and bladder repair read a post like this... it would be so easy to pee my pants. Glad I didn't.

Reminds me of a time that I drove my little sister Tess back to the airport in Vegas. My children and I along with Tess. She was in the back seat with my kids and they were all laughing hysterically. I kept turning around to see nothing out of the ordinary. Then I passed a semi-truck and the laughter began again... I was quick this time... to see that she had just mooned a trucker and she was pulling her pants up. No wonder there were having such a 'hoot'.

ToOdLeS.

Kristina P. said...

Oh my! This is hilarious! And so something that would happen to me!

thedomesticfringe said...

Too funny!

You've got mad skills.

-FringeGirl

Gordostyle said...

Your stories are the BEST! Loooovvvee this one!

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