October 9, 2008

To Lie or Not to Lie?

Here's my dilemma.

We whole-heartily jumped into the Santa Trap.

Our lie has evolved past "Yes Virgina, there really is a Santa Claus."

Waaay past.
Our lie has taken on a life of it's own.

In fact, I am embarrassed to even share all we've filled their little heads with. (By us, I mean me.)

Last night Boy Child came to me with chin trembling and asked The Question.

I didn't come right out and lie some more. But, Big Shooter did.

Another whopper.

I was ready to gently pop the bubble. He (Big Shooter) said, "Uh uh. No way. Not yet."

So my question(s) is this.

How long (if you fell into the Lie Machine too) did you pursue it? And more importantly, how did you break the truth?

Cause honestly y'all I am not looking forward to this...

P.S. The Reusable Bag Give-Away ends this evening! Be sure to enter.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: You know I love you with every fiber of my being? That I stand behind you no matter what? I've got your back at all times. But when it comes to parenting, sometimes I wonder if I need to stand behind you...and swing my frying pan.


Anonymous said...

We don't like to create question in kids little sponge minds..for all the right reasons...but.. In today's world...parents need to wait to pop the Santa bubble and allow the "children's associates" to pop that bubble and therein not be the Devil themselves with bad news! Ooh...so clever and a Very clear conscious and invoking "Change!" Can you hear the guitar strum of milk and honey..everlasting love....
Love your blog, try to read it everyday...makes me twitter all over.
Le-a (Ledasha)

Pat said...

I still believe, are you kidding me! Oh I dread the day my son finds out or asks. I'm afraid I'd be like big shooter. I say, let your children be children and continue to believe in the "magic" of Christmas(and other holidays) along with the real reason of our celebration.
I was only in 1st grade when an older neighbor told me there was no Santa Claus and my world just caved in around me. I remember as if it was yesterday. There were 8 kids in my family and I was so sad because I knew my parents couldn't afford to buy us so many presents and so I worried how they were managing it and what they were having to sacrifice, made my Christmas mornings sad.......so by all means........continue the lie!!

Flea said...

Yeah, I tried to let friends pop that bubble. Then I tried leaving all kinds of hints. Some kids just want to believe, no matter what. But when they asked, I originally said, "Go ask dad." Then, "Well, what do you think?"

Our logic was that Santa was the one person in their childhood who would give them gifts unconditionally, just out of love, asking nothing in return, preparing the understanding for God's love.

FIL said...

Looks like to me you have a perfect out, BS wants to continue, you don't, Sooooooooo, when its time. He gets to sit the little darlings down and break the news.

Love Ya

Sara said...

As my Nana would say "Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when we practice to deceive." We are there too. Hopefully, one year it will just occur to him that there is no Santa. He will be old enough to just get it and also in one swoop understand the need for the lie and continue it for his sisters who are 6 years younger than him. Yes, in a perfect world. I really like the previous comment about paving the way to talk about God's unconditional love.

Erin said...

My mom always tells us that my brother and I believed in Santa waaay longer that we should have. (but I don't know how old we were when we figured it out.) She said she thought we kind of knew, but if we actually admitted that there was no Santa, we thought we might not get presents anymore. So we clung Santa!

Milehimama said...

Turn it around, and when he asks you the big question, ask him "What do you think, dear?" He'll either affirm his belief or say he doesn't believe any more.

Anonymous said...

My kids were probably older than most when we finally broke the news. My two older girls were probably 12 and 10. My son, who is six years younger, was told when he was 10. He didn't believe us though and was very mad that we would suggest such a thing. Last Christmas, when he was 11, he was more accepting, but still unsure.

[Somebody Loved] said...

I am a liar or am I?

My favorite movie [Miracle on 34th Street] I like the 1994 version...
taught me this:

Oh, but there is. I'm not just a whimsical figure who wears a charming suit and affects a jolly demeanor. You know, I... I... I'm a symbol. I'm a symbol of the human ability to be able to suppress the selfish and hateful tendencies that rule the major part of our lives. If... you can't believe, if you can't accept anything on faith, then you're doomed for a life dominated by doubt.

and this:

Your Honor, a lot of people believe in Mr. Kringle. Including millions of children. If you rule against him, you won't destroy anyone's belief but you will destroy the man they believe in. Mr. Kringle is not concerned for himself, if he was he wouldn't be here. He is in this regrettable positon because he is willing to sacrifice himself for children. To create in their minds a world far better than the one we've made for them. If this is, as Mr. Collins suggests, a masquerade then Mr. Kringle is eager to forfeit his freedom to preserve that masquerade. To subject himself to prosecution to protect the children's right to believe. If this court finds that Mr. Kringle is not who he says he is, that there is no Santa, I ask the court to judge which is worse: A lie that draws a smile or a truth that draws a tear.

When my daughter went to school one day and the kids at school told her... There is NO Santa! She exclaimed, My Papa is the OLDEST man in Arizona and he believes in Santa Claus.

I don't remember exactly what we told the kids... but my hubby says, 'Each time we had to tell one of our children... it became the worst day of my life.' Even though my oldest daughter is 25 she still believes in the magic of Christmas... that is the whole idea isn't it?

I believe in the magic of Christmas! Santa Claus was the visual perception of that very magic I used to teach my children.

Good Luck!


Kristina P. said...

My husband's father once told him that the Easter Bunny walked on the lawn, which he is super anal about, and he shot and killed him. No more Easter Bunny after that. I don't recommend taking that approach.

Spoiled Mommy said...

Ok, my kids are ages 13,11, and 2.
My rule has always been...
"You dont believe, you dont recieve!"
(Insert evil laugh here!)
Although both the older kids know, its kind of an unspoken thing.
I never came out and told them, they just figured it out the older they got.
This year I did tell them that whatever they believe they need not speak of it cause we have a 2 almost 3 year old who loves him dearly! :)

T with Honey said...

I had to dance around this very topic earlier this week. At a gathering of children in 1st through 6th grade we were talking about Catholic saints. One of the older kids mentioned St. Nicholas and that he is Santa Claus. Well... one of the younger kids thought for a second, realized that all saints are dead and in Heaven and burst out with, "You mean SANTA CLAUS IS DEAD?!?!"

I did some fancy footwork and managed to say something that didn't end the fantasy but wasn't a lie either.

All of that doesn't matter though. Santa Claus IS real. For Princess, I am Santa. I watch if she is good or bad all year long. I buy things from her list and leave them under the tree on Christmas morning. As somebody loved pointed out the magic of Christmas lives on and that is what really matters. The Marines collect Toys for Tots. We still put money in the Salvation Army buckets. Many go out of their way to be generous and loving for this one day and as long as that continues so does Santa Claus.

Redneck Diva said...

My oldest just turned 12 and as far as I know she still believes. I figure Middle School will take care of it for me, but I wholly implement the "If you believe then you receive" ideal when it comes to Santa.

Last year when my 9 year old boy asked me if Santa was real and I countered with, "What do you think?" As other commenters have said, they'll let you know what they really feel in their hearts and you can go from there.

I remember crying for an entire afternoon after my mom dropped the big bomb on me. I, for one, plan on never having this talk with my kids. I will forever chant "If you believe then you receive". Heck, I may have it put on my headstone!

Queen B said...

Yeah. Um. When you figure that one out let me know.

*MARY* said...

I believed until I was ten and I only stopped believing because my mom and sister told me. I wrote a big long post about it last year.

The Bayou Belles and Their Beau said...

Yeah ... I feel ya'. We tried to tell our oldest when she was about 5 and she didn't want to hear it. We used that book "Mommy, is there really a Santa Clause?" You know ... telling her that St. Nick was a real person, etc, etc, etc. She knows now, but she's 11. My 8-year-old on the other hand wants to believe. I think kids like the whole magical thing about Santa and don't want to think otherwise. We never really put more emphasis on Santa than Jesus, so it's all good. They know what Christmas is really about.

Anonymous said...

My guys know that I know Santa Clause. I really do. Long story for another time...but I have pictures of me as a teenager with him and he was at my parents house for dinner. But other than that proof, I always answer any question they ask with how Dad would answer. Does Santa really see everything I do? Yes. Is Santa real? Yes...(I sleep with him every night). Excetra. I still remember the boy who broke my bubble...Natan. Our oldest just figured it all out last year and he was 10+ years old. And as far as the "religious" side goes, my kids know the real meaning of Christmas and Santa is just fun.
Soul Sis
(You sure do know good topics to get people fired up!)

Gordostyle said...

Please keep us posted - 'cuz I know this day is just around the corner -- and I'm a big, fat liar too!


The Rock said...

Our eight year old figured it out two years ago. We still play the game though.
His sister still believes. She's five.

Loved Kristina P's advice though.


Sarai said...

Flea said: "Our logic was that Santa was the one person in their childhood who would give them gifts unconditionally, just out of love, asking nothing in return, preparing the understanding for God's love."

Yeah, but then when they find out this amazing unconditional gift-giving entity isn't REAL, all you've really prepared them to believe in is that there is no such thing! And also, the tradition of Santa DOES ask for something - for you to be good! And God asks for something in return as well: love and obedience!

I personally have kicked Santa to the curb. My kids will learn that Santa and the Easter Bunny are gimmicks to make things more fun - like mascots at baseball games. I will not lie to them about anything, because then how will they ever believe me again?