February 4, 2009

Yep. I was born 40 years ago today.

I hadn't really thought it through. The whole turning 40 thing. So when Girl Child asked me what my birthday post was going to be about for the 40th ever-lovin' time, I figured maybe I should put a little thought into it.

It didnt' work.

I came up with nada.

And then in swooped The Good Flea to save the day!

She awarded me this little do hickey:

She says I have to tell you ten "juicy honest things" about myself. So I figure let's name 40, one for each year and then call it a day.
I have a feeling it may get ugly by the end... Just know I loved you all. This will be the last time some of you visit.
  1. If I don't tweeze my chin daily (okay twice, daily) I can grow a perfect foo man chu beard.
  2. Feet gross. me. out. Don't touch me with your toes if you want to keep them. I am serious.
  3. I locked myself in my aunt's bathroom and smoked a pack of my uncle's cigs when I was like 11 or 12. Never had the desire to smoke again.
  4. Although, I LOVE the smell of clove cigarettes.
  5. I am the World's Worst House Keeper. I abhor cleaning. I only do it out of necessity. Bare necessity at that.
  6. I wish I could re-do my wedding day. I would beg Big Shooter to elope.
  7. I lost two babies before Boy Child. My heart still yearns for them over a decade later.
  8. I don't like men. Big Shooter is one of very few I care to be around longer than say 60 seconds. The other two are my dad and Big Shooter's dad. I mean c'mon! Who wouldn't love someone who takes advantage of anyone and everyone who is gullible enough to believe all he says...like how to gut a deer for example.
  9. I am utterly and helplessly frightened of the dark. If I was in a pitch dark room I believe I would keel over from fright. Seriously.
  10. Yet, I loved haunted houses and hay rides growing up. Go figure.
  11. I've been so angry at Big Shooter I have walked out.
  12. Only to return for my toothbrush "that I forgot".
  13. Sometimes I can't live with him!
  14. But I could never live without him more!
  15. Speaking of Big Shooter, sometimes I wonder if he's truly okay with having dated one girl, proposing to one girl, marrying her, and staying with just her. (It's suppose to be honest and juicy here people. I'm being real.)
  16. 97% of the time I am thrilled to be Boy & Girl's momma. It's that other 3% that worries me. Shames me. Makes me wonder what the heckfire I was thinking?!
  17. I don't get the whole wanting to have a natural birth thing. When it was discovered I couldn't give birth naturally and ended up having c-sections, I was thrilled. THRILLED people.
  18. Here's where I ran into the lack of memory problem and had to send out an all points emergency bulletin to friends and family both far and near to ask for their help in telling me, reminding me or brushing away a few cobwebs in my memory in order to help me think of things to share in order to get to the magic 4-0. My Granny Grunt reminded me I believed Hook, Line and Sinker the way to tell a newborn animal's sex was by the color of it's eyes. I and my dear cousin would stand at the fence for hours trying to get the new baby calves to look at us in just the right sunlight so we could tell...
  19. When my beloved Gramps died, the same uncle I stole and smoked his cigs came and picked me up from a country saloon at closing time. He never said a word other than, "You're gonna be okay honey," each time he had to pull over to let me hurl. He helped me up the steps of my mother's house. He hugged me each time I burst into tears. I was 37.
  20. When I was with Sashi at a MOPS meeting giving a JBF talk, I fell off the stage. I was carrying a card table in front of me and just stepped off into nothingness. When I came to a stop, it was deathly quiet and Sashi was staring down at me with eyes the size of saucers while the 40+ women in the room didn't move. They were speechless and frozen. She helped me up, grabbed her supplies and ran out the door. I thought she was just in a hurry. Nope. When I got to the van, she had her head stuck as far into the van as she could reach and was SNORTING with laughter. I can't drive by or near that church to this day without her spitting pop out her nose with the memory.
  21. I volunteered to greet and pass out name badges at our Crumbs special presentation day at school their first year. (before homeschooling) It was a muckety muck event with muckety mucks present all morning. Just before curtain time I snuck in to sit with Big Shooter and enjoy our wee ones song and dance. He'd chose to sit in the front row, center. Of course. I had to bend over and do the hunch back walk over to him in full view of everyone. When I got to him I realized I'd have to step over a bench saved for the teachers. I am 5 feet and 1 inch tall and I was wearing a long skirt. I had two choices. Walk back in front of everyone or hike my skirt up a bit. I should have walked back in front of everyone. Then they couldn't have all heard the seam of my skirt rip as I fell over the bench into my loving husband's arms. It did not end there however. I had to help clean up the welcoming area when it was finished. As another new mom and I sat down on a bench outside to wait for our husbands to drive around and pick us up she looked over and said, "Mrs. Shooter, I don't think I've laughed that hard in a while...and your day just keeps getting better by the minute. It looks like you have two different shoes on." I looked down. Sure enough. In my haste to get out of the house I slid on one brown and one black shoe. She said, "If you're always this much entertainment, I think we'll be great friends." We still are after all these years.
  22. The 6 months preceding our wedding I was in Idaho doing wedding things and working while Big Shooter was living in Okie-homa. Once a week I would practice my almost nil culinary skills on my soon to be FIL. His most memorable meal was suppose to be called Chicken Enchiladas. He lovingly refers to it as Pile of Garlic with a dash of Chicken. There are no longer any vampires in the state of Idaho.
  23. The first few months of marriage Big Shooter did not fare any better. One night I cooked Teriyaki Chicken Wings for him. I'd made it many times. He loved them. I grew arrogant in my newly found skills and neglected to follow the basic cooking rule of Don't Drink and Cook. I vaguely remember Big Shooter waking me and asking me what was supposed to be in the oven. We had pungent aroma of Burnt Teriyaki seared into every fabric, upholstery and even the paint for months.
  24. I had brain surgery a few years back...I needed that like I needed a hole in my head.
  25. While looking at my scans my neurologist with that most fabulous bedside manner reported I had an unremarkable brain.
  26. I can't seem to cook bacon without my built-in timer. a.k.a. A smoke alarm
  27. I cannot tolerate any kind of skin trauma. Doesn't seem to matter if it is a paper cut or a ten inch gash. I'll see you again when I wake up.
  28. I worked the steering wheel and gear shift while my younger cousin worked the pedals whenever we stole my gramps old international pickup and tore down the lane. Problem was, he'd have to come rescue us b/c I could never quite conquer reverse on my own. We were 9 and 6.
  29. Did you know you can rip the back bumper off a caddy if you back in to a parking space too far over the cement barrier? Well you can.
  30. Have sadly passed on my irrational bawling, squawling, hissy-fit throwing when I get hurt gene to my very unassuming and innocent Girl Child.
  31. i thoughtfully christened Big Shooter's new truck for him after he'd had it for two weeks. It was in the repair shop for almost two months.
  32. Got my second speeding ticket going to the bank to withdraw $ to pay my first speeding ticket.
  33. Regularly gave swirlies to my Jr. High neighbor Shirley. (Now before you get all righteous on me, she did it willingly. I don't know why? I don't like to dwell on it. She just did.)
  34. Went to minor emergency for a pregnancy test the first time we suspected we might be expecting.
  35. Belly laugh at least once a day. Every day.
  36. Spent my entire honeymoon in a hospital.
  37. Ran hurdles. Did I mention I'm 5'1?
  38. Love, love, love to watch boxing. Share a birthday with Oscar De LaHoya. Mmm. Mmm!
  39. Married the love of my life and had his spawn.
  40. Love my life.

That wasn't so bad. Congrats if you got this far!

I realized as I was typing, some of these would be great posts. If you have any in particular you'd like me or Big Shooter to elaborate on, please let us know in the comments. Who knew this would lead to that most precious commodity to bloggers...blog fodder. Cool.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Thank you for taking yet another trip down Memory Lane with me. I always get a renewed appreciation for you when I have to face what you do every day being my soul mate! (Heh. As if I haven't earned my crown and all the jewels in Heaven being your cell, oops soul mate as well!)


Anonymous said...

Yes #2 - Feet are gross

I don't know the brain surgery story. Did you blog it before?

Pat said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SS!!! Wow, 40 yrs young. Hope you have a fantastic day...love you :)

clan of the cave hair said...

HAPPy Birthday! If we lived in the same city, we would be great friends...thank you for the excellent read this morning.

Leslie said...

Happy Birthday! I had no idea you were SO much older than me ;o) It is fun to read about you! Hope you have a great birthday!!!

♥ Somebody Loved ♥ said...

Your motto is:
Just keepin it real!

That is why I like you so darn much. You tell it like it is. Real life is so much more funny than anyone can make up.

Congrats on makin it through 40 years of hilariousness.

Thanks for sharing. Loved it!


T with Honey said...

I want to know more about #36.

Happy Birthday!!

Wendi @ Every Day Miracles said...

Wow. SO incredibly entertaining. It seems you have enough experiences to go beyond blog world and perhaps write a book. :)
I love the speeding ticket story. I'm still smiling about it - it's so classic.

Kristina P. said...

Happy birthday, SS!!

~ Straight Shooter ~ said...

Leslie my dear Sister~Friend,
I am waaaay older than you and Merritt.
You two still live in La-La Land. I can say this now with authority b/c I have been cruelly thrust into Body Fallin' Apart 40s.
I also have had a HUGE epiphany about 40 yo women as well. I now know why they act and talk the way they do.
I plan on sharing that reeeeal soon.

Anonymous said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I love the fact that I can witness that #5 is very TRUE!!! I Love You and am glad you are now in the over 40 club with me. Can't wait for the party! Love, Soul Sis

Sara said...

the brain surgery

kent said...

hope you have many more jewels to receive and give throughout the coming years. Happy Birthday... Now its on to the big FIVE OH...

Heather said...

Happy Birthday SS!!
Your list was indeed enlightening and entertaining.
And, yes, I WILL be back again. You can't lose me THAT easily! :) Hope this year is the BEST so far!

FerLee said...

First of all...Happy Birthday my dear friend...

Second...MOPS??? Where you fell??? Which MOPS was that...Oh, and I laughed hysterically on that one. I could so see Sashi hiding a hysterical laugh over that.

Third...I could have added one that I didn't think of till now. #29 reminded me of it...remember the crop night we decided to take 6 of us rather uh-hum "pleasingly plump" girls in your caddy. We couldn't drive over ANY kind of bump without scraping bottom. We nearly got stuck on a cover of a gas tank in the gas station because it was raised a bit. That was scary, and hilarious...

Love you girl!!! Happy 40th!!!

FerLee said...

Oh, wait...it was only 5 of us...but it was still stinkin' funny!!!

tmm said...

Happy Birthday.

I leave my 30's behind on Saturday.

I too will have '40 things' to post.

Hope your day was great.


Gordostyle said...

Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!! Rock on with your big bad 40-year old self!

Although, I'm not quite there yet... I can surely agree with you on the following:

#1 and #2 : 100%
( I hate admitting #1. HATE.)
(I ONLY love baby fee and my son's 7-year-old fat tootsies... all others, please, please, please stay away from me. Including my hubby's. His are the worst.)

#8: I'm SO not a guy person either. I thought I was the only one. And although I'm married to one and love my father dearly... they don't do much for me. They just kind of freak me out. I always wish that I would have been better at being friends with the opposite sex growing up so I'd have a better understanding of that side. (Hind sight.)

#18 I am more than gullible too. I DO have to tell my hubby about this one though- he'll love it! :o)

#19 I love that you loved your g'pa that much. Way cool.

#20: Um. Well. When I graduated, I was the ONLY one out of 400+ students who grabbed my diploma and walked off the stage the wrong way. My diploma WAS signed... I swear.

#21 Priceless!

#25 Your brain is remarkable! Your writing abilities are AMAZING. The doctor was wrong.

#35 That is just COOL!

#36 Um. Yeah. We might need to know more about this one. ???? I bet it's good too!

#40 Me too.

Happy Birthday again!

tracy said...

Very entertaining... and wildly, refreshingly, honest!!
I'm a week late, I know... Happy Belated 40th!! Welcome to the club... I'm only a couple of months in and loving it- things may not hang where they used to but it's all good nevertheless!