December 5, 2008

How to alienate your hometown

Straight Shooter is stuck in Idaho so I am forced to be a guest blogger. Yes fans it is I, big shooter. In order to maintain peace in the household and to not have to shell out my life savings in alimony, I am communicating with y'all.

I have been ordered to be funny and pithy, but that is not going to happen. So I will do as I am told and post exactly what I was told to.

When you visit Idaho and are a sick and twisted individual, you look for something to irritate as many people in your home town as possible. So to that effect you come up with the perfect plan for world domination, and while you are waiting to take over everything that humans hold dear, you focus on how to destroy the hopes and dreams of every Idahoan, which is actually only a very few people in the scheme of worldwide population. And you involve the innocent offspring!

It is our God given right to make sure that they have income potential when they are older. And I feel that a tell all book exposing their parents as evil, maniacal lunatics is our best bet at helping them pay for our nursing home. I hope they don't stick us in a total hole.

2 years ago the University of Oklahoma (football powerhouse) played Boise State (total underdog) for the national championship. If you remember BSU won in the most exciting Bowl game ever in the history of mankind. OK maybe that was a stretch. But is was a great game.

Seeing as Straight Shooter and I are from Idaho and the crumb snatchers are born and conceived in Oklahoma, which as a side note I do not remember, we thought what better way to teach our children respect and moral values than to make sure they were never welcomed back to our childhood haven.

There is a big rock in front of our hometown high school. It is a tradition to paint that rock for special school events and other bizarre stuff. Idahoans really have no life, so we do stupid stuff for entertainment. Well the wife and kids thought up a diabolical plan to paint the rock -Oklahoma style. And "Boomer Sooners" was the way to go baby. Look at the pics and ooooh and awe. Leave lots of comments telling Straight Shooter that I am the best guest blogger ever.

Please just step away from the computer. Blogging is the devil. At least in my humble opinion.

Love note to Straight Shooter: Without you and the crumb snatcher here I am wasting away, but I am enjoying wondering the house in the buff. I am living FREE baby. LOVING IT!!!!!!


Flea said...

Okay. That last was just a LITTLE TOO TMI!!! But the rock tag? Pure genius.

SS - please com back soon. Your husband is the devil. My brain is burning now.

suzspeaks said...

That is too good! BOOMER SOONER

Anonymous said...

That's funny! I love it! I'm so TIRED of hearing about that game everytime the Sooners play - back at 'ya Idaho and your silly blue field :)

BS is a great guest blogger. You should let him post from time to time - not enough to get a big head, but every once in a while!

faroutmom said...

Dear Big Shooter,

While I thoroughly enjoyed the way you wrote about diabolical plans, maniacal parenting, and rock tagging, I am hereby placing a complaint with the power's that be. Why, you ask? Well, it is because, as it is with many men, when given an inch you take a mile. You were given the privilege to have millions of readers to read what you have to say. You reeled them in, you had them in your net. You made them think that it was going to be a nice catch and release. But no. You proceeded to gouge out the eyes of the ones who love and pray for you while they were just bein' happy to be in your nice, soft net. The nice readers here on Shootin' Straight should not have to envision you walking around all nekkid. That being said...I must say that I laughed my arse off...nice bait and switch my friend.
Please come back soon for another guest post...we all really do love to hear what you have to say and your point of view of things. However, please come fully clothed.

Thank you,

Sara said... far the best guest blogger ever!!

Gordostyle said...

Straight Shooter: It's obvious that you and your hubby have the same GREAT sense of humor and writing abilities! I loved this entry!

Big Shooter: You crack me up as much as SS. Thanks for posting today so we could see that BS and the Crumbs are up to NO good. :o)


Gordostyle said...

P.S. to the Big Shooter: Freedom is a gift. Don't get it taken away for all of us.

Get dressed!


ShEiLa said...

Nice to meet you BIG Shooter.

Great job with the guest blog I enjoyed hearing from you.

At least you and SS were smart enough to take your kids far away from the small town mentality... where stupid entertainment is painting big rocks. I wish I had done the same.


ps. SS your dear BS is the best guest blogger ever. Thankfully guest is the keyword here... I miss you!

pss. love the great job you did with the rock. Idahoans will love it! Not. But they will find a way to deal with it.

Anonymous said...

Whatta rock! Best I've seen. You're a great guest blogger, but you think like my husband...not good. Blogging is NOT the devil.

Anonymous said...

B.S. Thanks for all the BS in your post--loved it. Soul Sis

Anonymous said...

My husband went to OU so when I need him to be a guest writer on my blog I just wear my Boomer Sooner t-shirt... it works every time, but thankfully I have yet to need him to be a guest writer--I would never get my blog back!

FIL said...

SweetDIL And BS,
This tells it all. Go Broncos !!
GLENDALE, Ariz. ( news services) -- Boise State proved it belonged in the BCS and started another lively college football debate.
The ninth-ranked Broncos completed a perfect season with an exhilarating 43-42 overtime victory over No. 7 Oklahoma in the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl Monday night, leaving Boise State and top-ranked Ohio State as the only teams with perfect records.

Love Ya

FerLee said...


You, BS, are a brilliant blogger whether you like it or not!!!

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the innocent Crumbs destruction of public property on behalf of all us Sooners!!!

Oh, as for the last part...I only had to poke out my inner eye...but that's ok...I don't really need it anyway.

Anonymous said...

Aw, the family that tags together, stays together right?

Unknown said...

I love it! Boomer Sooner ;)