November 28, 2008

I'm sad.

P.S. (Pre-Script) No, this is not the heartfelt post I mentioned...I think I'll publish it on Monday.
Each December, Big Shooter and I get to celebrate one more glorious year of marital bliss.
Last year's celebration was accompanied by a very dark cloud hanging menacingly over our heads. We knew something was very wrong with BS and the uncertainty was stifling. So I wanted to do something nice for just him.
In the months preceding our anniversary, he had voiced some concern about his wedding band becoming a little thin and had begun to take it off when he was doing any thing manual.
So I bought him a new, very durable, heavy-duty ring made of tungsten. (Anyone else think that sounded more like an ad for a farm tractor than a ring description?) He luv, luv, LUVED it. He called twice and sent a sweet text the next day to tell me so.
I was walking into the bathroom while reading his text when I glanced at the shelf and caught sight of his old band. It looked so lonely just laying there. I could almost hear it wondering aloud, "What's going on? Why am I not in my worn, comfy, safe spot today? Umm, who's the new big, shiny dude? You're not...replacing me...are you? You can't just throw me to the way side after 5, 680 faithful days...". So I picked it up and slid it on my fat, middle, right hand finger.
It's been there everyday since. 345 days. Until today...
I lost it.
And then, when I thought about the loss... I lost it.
Like the bad kind of lost it. Crying in front of the Crumbs. Mascara rivers, snot. The whole shabang.
I can't help it.
I slipped that ring on Big Shooter's hand almost 17 years ago. He wore it everyday for 16 of those. It has been through thick and thin, marriage counseling, miscarriages, belly laughing, mid-night runs to get ice cream, deaths, births, and lots of hand holding.
This past year has been tough. Very tough. Each and every time my eyes would fill with tears and I'd raise my hand to wipe them, I'd catch site of that precious gold symbol. It has filled me with silent strength each time. With out fail.
I could almost hear it saying, "C'mon Girl, love is like me...never ending. Be faithful to him, for him. Stand in the gap. Lift him up. Be strong." It worked every time. Every time.
And now it's gone.
And I am heartbroken over it's loss.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: I know you believe we will find it. Some how. In Idaho, no less. But, I am sad tonight. Just sad. I feel like I've been in the ring with the enemy and he has just opened a can of Whoop A$$ I was not prepared for. I'll need a day or two to re-gather before I can put the gloves back on, Love.


Anonymous said...

Oh, I'm so sorry that you lost your ring!!! I do hope you find it...don't loose hope. My hubby lost his ring right after our honey-moon. He lost it in the street and went back days later to try and find it. A paserby started helping and they located it sunk deep into the dirt at the edge of the sidewalk. It had been stepped on and pushed far down into the earth.
Keep the faith!

The Glamorous Life said...

It may be gone. But what it represents is not.

Perhaps this is God's way of pushing you to let go of the start a new. To begin fresh. To leave those difficult times in the past. Leave them with the old ring?

ORRRRR, you might find it. And if you do...I will smile with you.

Anonymous said...

That sucks. I hope you do find it.

At least you still have B.S.
(Big Shooter, that is)

Suzanne said...

I'm so sorry...I know that feeling! I do like what Marcy had to say! HUGS!!!

Sara said...

Oh that sucks! I do believe you will find it too. But maybe as another commenter said, this is your sign to let old things become new again. ((hugs))

heather said...

I'm so sorry for your loss! And it IS a GREAT one!!
A few years ago my Hubby lost his "nice" wedding band with diamonds!! He's not supposed to wear it to work in, but forgot to take it off after Church and realized it was gone a day later and had NO IDEA where he had lost it.
By then, he'd been "all over creation", with his arm out his truck window, and I was NOT HAPPY with him. I'm not known for my optimism and told him it was surely gone for good, but I continued to pray.
Well, about 2, maybe 3 weeks later, he got a call from a guy asking if he had lost a ring!
Hubby had been working on a job for a big trucking company and when he was washing his hands, in the parking lot(don't ask), it had slipped off his finger and landed somewhat near his partner's trailer. The guy was a Snap-On Tool distributor and had seen something sparkly on the ground but hadn't taken the time to see what it was. A few days later, he saw it again and decided to see what it was. He was then cognizant enough to write down the info from my Hubby's partner's trailer, and then tracked him down. (Thank you, Jesus, that his partner spent the money for business advertising!)
I'm still shocked that someone so honest found it, and then took the time and energy to track Hubby down. Truly a miracle!
I pray for a miracle for you!!

♥ Somebody Loved ♥ said...

When things like this happen to me... I pray. Most all of the time I find things. I hope you find the ring. Don't be too sad. Crying just makes me have a sinus nightmare of regret. I hope it isn't that way for you.

Anonymous said...

My B.S. lost his ring within the first month we were married...My Dad lost his and found it a year later when he put on a pair of winter gloves...Harper's classmates Mom lost her ring in the tornado last year. All the kids prayed for her and she found it when she was out walking in a field. You've got a lot of prayers with you. Soul Sid

Anonymous said...

I'm Sorry SS. That's just plain aweful.

You guys sound like such a great pair. To so many people that would have been nothing less than an old worn out piece of metal.

How nice that it means so much more to you all.

Gordostyle said...

No! I'm so very sorry! I hope, hope, hope you find it!


Prairie Chick said...

ohhhh... that is too painfully sad. Dear Lord, please help uncover this precious symbol of unending love and faithfulness for this special couple.