The Ultimate Card...

the Cancer Card.

At first he refused to acknowledge it.

Then he used it timidly...very timidly and only because he had to at least acknowledge it to certain people...like you have to take 30 days off work - you might have to say just a little something about your absence kinda timidly.

Then he got more comfortable and let it flippantly fly out to strangers...I personally think this was his trial period. Testing the words out on his ears.

He got too comfortable.

He'd agonized about telling a friend at work that didn't "have to know", but who had been inquiring about his health for some time now. He was afraid she may hear through the office gossip vine once he started with surgeries...so he told her.

No let me re-phrase that.

He closed her door (first mistake. door closing to females = drama), said something along the lines of "since you keep asking me...you are a lovely person...didn't want you to hear else where...(your general female drama buttons)...(pregnant pause) I Have Kidney Cancer."

He is so male.

He was in complete and utter shock when she burst in to tears. He seemed to skip over these small facts: She is a new momma (hormones). She loves the Big Shooter dearly, counts him among her I can count on him kind of friends (they share the same sense of humor...and best of all, she's vvvery liberal which of course adds oh so much fodder to the fire!). Her own momma is battling cancer at the present time and he CLOSED HER DOOR to tell her.

He got scared off from the Card for a little while.

I'd say, "Are you going to tell Joe? He's been there for you through thick and thin..." He'd say, "I don't think so...I told Liberal Drama Queen and...she cried...I mean, she...cried." Always said with complete disbelief and amazement. Males. Push drama button. Push drama button. And push another DRAMA button and we might show a little drama. The truth is: If she knew how much it effected him...she'd get over the tears in a heartbeat and gloat! That's the kind of friendship they have. I love her. She's a straight shooter, who just happens to raz the Big Shooter to NO END. Yep. She's my kinda girl.

Slowly he gained confidence in the Card again.

Once he did. He pretty much now just tells who ever he feels might get their feelings hurt if they find out later they stood in Target and had a 20 minute conversation about Easter baskets and the Resurrection with him and he didn't "share the Big News". (That'd be the "CNN syndrome" I spoke of here.)

But now? Now he uses it liberally. In fact, too liberally. I knew this would happen sooner or later with our personalities and ultra sensibilities (ya gotta know that was said with a smirk).

Insert Spouse Perk here:
Apparently, he can share the Card with me. Like when I forgot to send in my tutoring gig attendance sheets (forlikethreeweekscauseIreallyhadawholebunchonmymind,reallyIdid) and I used the Card on the lady in the district office...if it makes anyone feel better...I really felt guilty. Until it worked. Then I was just relieved.

Anyway, this is why I think he's gotten too comfortable with the Card.

We are driving down the road last Saturday and I have lightening flash from the Heavens and ZAP my brain..."OH, MY WORD!!! TOMORROW IS EASTER?!" "Yeees. What's your deal?" "AAaarr, I don't have one thing...ONE THING for the Snatchers!" "It's okay." (I don't think I heard this because I was wailing and flailing my arms.) "AAAAwwww...what am I going to doooo?" "I'll just go to Target and pick up something quick. Stop freakin'." (Again, I didn't hear him over the gnashing of my teeth.) "I'm a horrrrible mother. Horrible... Just horr - i -ble." No comment from the seat beside me... I heard that comment. Yes, sir. Silence is deafening...and telling. With raised eyebrows I asked, "...just what kind of mother am I?" With a straight face I would have been proud of if the comment weren't directed at me he said matter-of-factly, "Horrible. The worst. In fact, I'd give your Momma Card back... if I were you."

What??????

I looked over at him calmly driving...like he hadn't just Woke the Devil.

Staring straight ahead...like he wasn't afraid.

With a demure look on his face...like he shouldn't be afraid.

Very afraid.

Thought - "What in the %$#@, I apparently have miserably failed teaching him a lesson (I mean imparting through respectful love, obedience and honor) to Never... Never Question the Wife/Mother Skills basic etiquette to my husband. Well now. He's about to get a real big lesson..."

when he looked over, shrugged his shoulder and said with all sincerity...and a smirk

"I have kidney cancer..."

Dang Cancer Card. I hate it when I have to fold.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: I am not at all surprised at how well you are handling the Card you've been dealt. You are amazing. I envy your character.