March 27, 2008

Went Cup shopping...

not the kind you drink out of. Well, I wouldn't anyway.

Here's how it went down.
#1: Mom, I need a cup.
Momma: Get one out of the cupboard.
#1: Not that kind of cup.
Momma: (confused) What other kind of cup is there?
#1: Pantomiming a bat or ball, who knows which, flying towards his crotch area. Hitting the said area. In s l o w m o t i o n he grabs said area with dire expression (how does he know the face when this male phenomenon hasn't even happened to him yet), collapses to the floor.
Momma: Oh. You mean a cup...cup.
#1: From a heap on the floor (and still clutching the said area like someone is going to reach down and steal 'em.) Yep. That kind. Can you go buy me one?
Momma: Uh, that'd be a nope. Sorry pal, that's a dad deal.

Transition: Boy child calls his father and has the same exact conversation with his father...including the dramatic fall and clutching business. Apparently, his father agreed to go shopping with him after practice tonight.
Side Note: Boy child only has one, ahem... jewel to protect. Another story. Another time.

Momma is fixing dinner and phone rings.
Momma: Hi Darlin'.
Big Shooter: Hi. We're on our way to Academy and I was wondering...do they make cups for one ballers?
Momma: Sucks all air out of kitchen. Drops phone. Then laughs hysterically at the new nick name just bestowed on #1! "ummm...let's see let me pull that kind of information out of my How the *&^%&* would I know file!"
Big Shooter: chuckle, chuckle. Just kiddin' ya. We'll be fine.

15 minutes later...
Momma: Hi Darlin'.
Big Shooter: Hi. What size do I get?
Momma: ??????? (Is he serious?)
Big Shooter: There is a 10-12 or 14-16...
Momma: (again...) ??????
Big Shooter: I'll just go with the bigger one.
Momma: Thinking - Well, of course he would go with the bigger size...he's male speaking of the nether region. Said - What ever you two think will fit/work best Sweetie I am sure will be fine.
Hang up, go back to dinner fixin'.

5 seconds later...
Big Shooter: Yes?
Momma: What if it's too big and doesn't protect the one little guy?
Big Shooter: ????? (Is she serious? Little guy...?)
Momma: Or what if it's loose and rubs him raw?
Big Shooter: silence...he must have been contemplating raw and nether regions together...
Momma: Or what if it's too tight and something happens to little guy? ...and he can't have babies...?
Big Shooter: ?????
Momma: I'm sure you'll get what's best...right?
Big Shooter: ...uh, huh. (Honestly, he didn't sound too convincing.)

15 minutes later...
Momma: Hi Darlin'.
Big Shooter: We got a cup, a new bat bag...and we are on our way home.
Momma: (Sigh) Oh, good. See you in a bit.
Hang up and ponder where life has now lead...

11 years ago - didn't want Crumb Snatchers.
9 years ago - didn't blanch or see anything wrong with scooping small crumb snatcher up in mid-stride, lifting his bum up parallel to my nose to see if the smell was him or the mall food we just passed...
1 hour ago - worrying about my son's little guy staying safe to make future Crumb Snatchers...

Where does time go? What will be next?!
Don't answer that!
...that is what is referred to as rhetorical question...

Love Note to My Big Shooter: You fulfilled another Dad Duty today. I love the kind of dad you are.

6 comments:

Jennifer said...

Love, Love, LOVE that story!!! Thanks for always keeping it real!

Leslie said...

LOL!!! That is so funny. We need to go get one too but keep putting it off. When Big Shooter is back up and around, ya think he wants to do it again for Caleb? That will give some encouragement going into his surgery today....he is needed...bad! (but seriously, we are praying for you all today!!)

Andrea said...

Prayers are with you all today. Love you guys so much and miss you.

This story had me in tears...laughing first, nostalgic and just plain being myself at the end...you know I cry easily...thanks a lot for that.

Anonymous said...

Your family and humor is live and well! Prayers from ALL...keep us posted so we can hit the "A" list and shoot news to all 344 addresses...like us...their wait'n!
Lovies
Dad, MA and Miss Montana

Flea said...

Hahahahaha!!! My boys still haven't asked for a cup! I'd just go to Academy and get one in their underwear size.

Anonymous said...

11 years ago I was starting to worry. Its not a good thing to go thru life not being a Dad. Theres a few days I could do without.

" know what I mean Bri "
Love ya

Tomato