May 11, 2008

Party Napkins + Percocet = Fun Time

The last day my mom was here Big Shooter was doing well enough to be left alone for an extended amount of time. Thank you Percocet. So my mom and I ran a few girl errands. At one stop we found ourselves smiling, then giggling, then guffawing & snorting over a rack of party napkins with sayings. I am curious to see if y'all think some of them are as funny as we did...or if it's a case of You had to be there?
  1. I don't repeat gossip, so listen carefully.
  2. Don't confuse my tolerance with hospitality.
  3. I'm still hot, it just comes in flashes.
  4. Born free...now I'm expensive.
  5. I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
  6. Stupidity got us into this mess...why can't it get us out?
  7. You can't make everyone happy, so let's concentrate on me.
  8. The nice part of living in a small town is when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else always does.
  9. I'm not a nag. I'm a motivational speaker.
  10. You have to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.
  11. I'm not a housewife, but I'm desperate.
  12. If you can't say anything good about someone, come sit next to me.
  13. If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
  14. You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without hanging on.
  15. Every time I hear the dirty word "exercise" I have to wash out my mouth with chocolate.
  16. Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it.
  17. Countless people have eaten food from this kitchen and have gone on to live normal lives.
  18. Oh, I heard you - I just don't care.
  19. Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out, but I can usually shut her up with cookies.
  20. To save time, let's assume I know everything.
  21. You can't scare me, I have children.
  22. Go braless, it pulls the wrinkles out of your face.

and my fave...
23. Do you want to talk to the man in charge, or the woman who knows what's going on?
Now, please tell me if you read through with a straight face, a grin, a smirk, or a belly laugh...
Love Note to my Big Shooter: For you to pick #21 as your fave shocked me! You've come along way Baby Cakes! My grandparents used to be "the only old people you could be around" and my 3rd graders? No way Jose'! They scared you more than having rabies! It is true though. Once you had Crumb Snatchers - you became Joe Fearless.

55 comments:

FIL said...

Hi Darlin,
May fav.... You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without hanging on. Been there... Done that..I've often wondered why I thought I was having so much fun....Glad those days are long gone. How about those magnets? You see many good ones?

Love you guys
FIL

Anonymous said...

#16 is pretty close to the truth now days.....but there are some really good ones listed...
The Question that continued to run through my head was..did she copy all the different "sayings" or purchase a pack of each napkins?
Have a GREAT DAY!
Lovies
Dad

Jennifer said...

My absolute fav is #21. I laughed hard on that one..."Go braless, it will pull the wrinkles out of your face." Too funny (too appropriate ;0))

Anonymous said...

What's the deal with the new first song, is it the Christian version of Alvin and the chipmonks? My personal favorite is #17, you would have to understand the food I ate from the kitchen I grew up in...Carrie is always amazed that Warren & I are alive today.
Heather

Sheila said...

grin, smirk, and belly laugh!
With all the tornados in OK I have been worried abot you & yours... is everybody oK? I am going to link this post to my blog.
toodles, Sheila

Alice Wills Gold said...

I never realized that I was a motivational speaker....love the look of your blog...came over from Sheila...I will be back because I believe we must be kin.

Anonymous said...

I must need a drink, not even a hint of a smile.

Leslie said...

I might have to frame #17 to hang in my kitchen ;) Thanks for the laughs!

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video Видео http://video.hobbyfm.ru/portal.php