Tried to bribe a police officer

I have a story to tell you this week about last week.
I couldn't tell you any sooner because 1) Big Shooter was out of town last week. And 2) I couldn't keep my heart rate below 200 whenever I thought of it.

Here are the basic facts:

* The Crumb Snatchers were in bed asleep. Girl in her bed in the front of the house. Boy in mine in the back of the house.

* I was sitting in the living room, near the front windows, typing on the laptop.

* No question about it, someone tried to get in my front door. Plain as day. Not maybe.

* Some of you know this about me, some of you don't, some of you have been with me when the Mama Bear kicks in to overdrive.

* I took off at a dead run to the back of the house to git me one of them guns...

* Only to discover one was "missing" from my secret, need-it-for-safety-purposes-right now-spot and the other I remembered I'd loaned to my dad.

* Turns out, Big Shooter still had my Glock in his car from the lake weekend. (He informed me of this when I called him not so calmly asking of it's where abouts...)

* He strongly suggested I call 911.

* What a novel idea.

* I somewhat calmly informed the dispatcher I was here alone with two young children and I'd appreciate an officer here RIGHT NOW. Thank you.

* She asked if I had a weapon. I told her all I had was my hubby's old shotgun with no shells. (I was thinking, "Do I even know where that is?) She said, "That's okay. I'd still like you to get it out." Whuh?!!

* Uh...okay. That sent my blood pressure even higher.

* After I'd informed her I had the old rusty thing out she asked where I and the kiddos were in the house, reminded me to stay away from windows but to stay as centrally located as possible. I appreciated the reminder, but I had already turned on all the outside lights and off all the inside lights but one and was standing where I could easily see both doors with one small step.

* The officer arrived within 2 minutes, checked all around the outside, calmed my nerves a bit and promised to patrol through the night.

* I don't think I slept more than 50 minutes the rest of the night.

* The next day Taco Bandito (Saucy Sashi's hubby) hooked me up with a shotgun and shells for the remainder of Big Shooter's absence. Thank you Taco Bandito. I slept like a baby.

I learned many things from this experience.

1) The Brain Dead Pug was well, brain-dead when the chips were down. (He didn't bark until I lept off my chair and when running fora gun. Whata Watch Dog...I love that canine.) 2) Bad Guys can be scared away with an unloaded, rusty antique according to the dispatcher. 3) Under extreme stress I don't think past the basic "Over my dead body will you touch my cubs..." to call the police. 4) Taco Bandito has some serious home protection I am very envious of. 5) Officers cannot take even food gift cards as thank yous. That fact saddened me greatly the next day. I am so very grateful for/to this officer. We at least wanted to buy him dinner or lunch. The city looks at that like I am bribing or buying him...?

Um...Duh?

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Thank you for staying calm, rational, and the Ultimate Protector even from afar of your little grateful fam. We are thrilled you are home.