I've been thrown to the curb

Big Shooter came in the door from work and began his nightly routine while I was jawin' at him. I know, not polite. But, c'mon! I'm a tad under the gun right now and have to squeeze all Jawin' Time in when ever it will fit...

Any way, it began with a simple question.

Me:"Do you want me to read this email to you or are you okay with me sending it now?"

B.S.: "Yes."

Me: "Yes what? You want me to read it...or send it?

B.S.: "I said yes."

Me: "????? Yes what?"

Kid you not, he rolled his eyes and said very slowly: "Y y y e e e s."

At which point he knew he'd pushed me too far cause he saw me glance in the Crumbs direction and knew I was calculating exactly what they could hear/see from where I sat.

So he comes close to me and instead of clarifying he says: "Oh Wife... My Beloved Wife of my youth. May I please be blessed by your lovely voice reading me the forth coming information you wish to send to the masses? ...Oh Beautiful Wife."

Me: Thought - "Bite me, Peasant Boy." Said - "I'd love to My Lord." Which of course was met with gales of laughter from the Crumb Snatchers...little beasts.

He finished his all important nightly routine and then came back by and said, "You know after 20 years you'd think we speak the same language by now...I'm sorry Sweetie, I thought I was speaking English." Aaarrgh. If I didn't know any better I'd say he's loving that Cancer Card! He knows I am chompin' at the bit to let 'er rip! ...and he's...he's...baiting me! Oh Father forgive me...I am about to sin...and enjoy every second of it.

But back to the Little Beasts that Abandoned Me for Their Father, Sweet Girl Child pipes up and says, "Daddy here's you (puts her precious little hand up like a puppet) 'Hello my beautiful wife. How are you today?' And here's Mommy (puts her other little betraying hand in the air like a puppet and in a squeaky little annoying voice says) 'Hola. Como esta? Yo es muy loca!'"

I GASPED!

They, all three, fell on the floor in a heap of laughter...

Hmmph.

They have NO IDEA...what evil things I find humorous.

But, they're about to.

Betrayers.

Of course I don't have any ideas for evil tricks... do you? Have any evil ideas? ...but please make sure they're not too mean. I can't bear the thought of actually hurting their little feelings. Now Big Shooter on the other hand? Puh-leeze...he's lucky he's got cancer...

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Usted es el amor de mi vida. Esto ha sido veinte años llenos de momentos graciosos. ¡Gracias por todas las risas! Usted es mi Príncipe Encantador, mi caballero en la armadura brillante. Le amo. Trust me. It's gag-a-rama in Espanol.