Mid-morning Crumb Snatcher Speak

"Mommee, I can't get my earring through my earloaf." ~ Girl Child age 8

This blog is NOT egocentric...it's just all about me. (said with tongue firmly planted in cheek)

I am a dynamic person.
I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently.
Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed and I cook 30 minute brownies in 20 minutes.
I have become an expert in stucco, a veteran in love and an outlaw in Peru.
I play bluegrass cello, I am the subject of numerous documentaries, and I bat .400.
I enjoy urban hang gliding.
On Wednesdays after I teach school to poor inner city children, I repair electrical appliances free of charge .
I am an abstract artist, a concert analyst and a ruthless bookie.
I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail.
I have been caller number nine numerous times and have won the "weekend passes" too many to count.
My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy.
I memorized the exact location of every food item in the supermarket.
I have performed several covert operations for the CIA.
I have also realized the laws of physics do not apply to me.
I breed prizewinning clams.
I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff diving competitions in Sri Lanka and the spelling bee held at the Kremlin.
Children trust me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge.
I frolic.
All of my bills are paid and I have spoken with Elvis.
But since my blog is not egocentric, I have nothing to blog about today.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Thanks Love for putting up with all this ego-mania all these live long days...years. Okay, lives. You're a saint.

Editor's Note: I originally plagiarized this for my 10th HS reunion "whatcha been up to all these years" brag book many, many years ago.

Politically incorrect thoughts from a tree hugging gas guzzler

I have a confession. I drive an Excursion. It gets 9 miles to the gallon. The Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia sends me a birthday card every year. Small children in his country sing my praises.
In these times of high gas prices, a tree hugger such as myself should forgo the Land Beast and embrace the forward thinking, environmentally correct, save-the-planet, God bless the Queen, 80 miles to the gallon modernized scooter.
I mean have you seen them lately? They're hip, innovative, sleek, and down right adorable.

Then I realized, the people I've seen riding these scooters make me want to vomit.

Case in point #1:
Just the other day, I saw a piece of scooter trash in his khaki cargo shorts, environmentally green recycled hemp t-shirt, Birkenstock sandals and of course the all-important helmet made of recycled Styrofoam cups sporting his bad ass tattoo.
Not a Don't-want-to-meet-you-in-a-dark-alley Harley bad ass tattoo. But a triple venti, non-fat, half caf, I-just-spent-$18-on-a-foo foo-latte tattoo. It was the size of a postage stamp placed just above his ankle. I think he was still crying from the shame, I mean pain.
As if to justify my lowly judgemental thoughts, Girl Child phoned me from the rear seat of the Excursion (I hate it when they make long distance phone calls without permission) to ask me if I saw the weird man on the little bike with a bug on his ankle down there by our running board?

Case in point #2:
Female moron with cracker jack driver's license trying to prove she was better than me because she was on her gas sipping scoo-ter instead of belly-up to the bar, drink-as-fast-and-hard-as-you-can-then-wake-up-to-coyote-ugly-the-next-morning, gas guzzlin' Land Beast.
She cut she cut me off.
Let me say it again so you get the whole picture.
She. cut. me. off.
Think it through honey. I've had gnats bigger than you on my windshield.

I've decided scooters are the lowest form of vehicular life. They look up to European mopeds. When they weave in and out of traffic they are like an annoying swarm of flies swarming around a big pile of poo.

Help me spread the word. Friends don't let friends drive scooters.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: It's time to fill the Land Beast darlin'. Do you have any extra body parts we can sell? Your diseased kidney only fetched me a 1/4 tank.

They survived without Momma

I couldn't title it "...without us or ...without their parents" b/c out of all four of us I was the only one doing any missin' of any kind.

The verdict of church camp:

They are back.

They didn't miss us.

They can't wait to go back.

Here's a little glimpse of camp.

This is the face she had after divulging the "super, duper, top secret secret". They "raided the kitchen late at night." When I asked her what she ate, she answered, "Everyone had a handful of chips, a glass of punch and a few cookies the cooks left out in case anyone raided the kitchen."

Hmmm...I'd say that camp cook is one smart cookie!

Singing silly camp songs.
Putting on their "homemade skit" for us. It was titled Gravity Hurts. The stars were penguirls - half penguins / half girls...


Apparently some foot sniffin' went on on a regular basis.

The best news came the day before we picked them up. They both had come to a decision about their faith and both wanted to be baptised as an outward symbol of their decision before they left.

All the camp staff gathered for the event and afterwards, all prayed for these two precious souls while the angels sang a song of love for them.

Getting hugs from their individual counselors afterwards.

Getting love and hugs from her other mother - Saucy Sashi.

This picture sums up camp.

Shining eyes.

Constant smile.

Happy heart.

Fun in the sun.

Renewed.

Cleansed...

and Forever memories.

Until next year...

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Thank you. Just thank you.

A Prayer of George Washington

The Shooter fam has been learning quite a bit about the Father of this Great Country. I, personally, have a new hero. What we've learned so far about his character is this, he was not looking for greatness, leadership or fame in any form. Many believe (I included) the God of the faithful few who came to this foreign land knew who they needed to lead them to true freedom. Mr. Washington was given a divine appointment. He did not accept it with joy and excitement, nor with doubt and reluctance. He accepted it with humbleness and great faith.

When the harsh realities and inevitable lows of such a war were realized, he found comfort and solace in whom he frequently referred to as his Divine Author. His troops, in turn, found encouragement and strength in his indomitable spirit.

Because of his great leadership we have a Great Nation that may freely celebrate their independence today.

My sincerest wish this day is He may continue to bless this "one nation under God".

Happy Independence Day fellow Americans!

"Almighty God: We make our earnest prayer that thou wilt keep the United States in thy holy protection; that thou wilt incline the hearts of the citizens to cultivate a spirit of subordination and obedience to government; and entertain a brotherly affection and love for one another and for their fellow citizens of the United States at large. And finally that thou wilt most graciously be pleased to dispose us all to do justice, to love mercy and to demean ourselves with that clarity, humility and pacific temper of mind which were the characteristics of the divine author of our blessed religion, and without a humble imitation of whose example in these things we can never hope to be a happy nation. Grant our supplication, we beseech thee, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen." ~ General George Washington at Valley Forge

His 62nd Anniversary...of birth

Happy Birthday

to

you,

Happy Birthday



to

you

Happy Birthday

Dear Grandpa.


Happy


Birthday



to

you!

We wish you lots of love today.

Thank you Queenie!

Can you believe it?

I received a bloggy award!

My first.

My very lovely, very hilarious and very royal friend, Queen B bestowed it upon me.

She said I earned it by handling Big Shooter's whole Cancer Episode with "humor and grace".

First I blushed, then I snorted.

Do you think that's what she meant by humor and grace?

Now I get to pass it on to a few of you my dear friends...

Who Make My Day!

First, I'd like to award it to Soliloquy from She Just Had to Say It! Because once you visit her, you'll just know why she makes my day - every day.

Next, I'd love to say thank you Beth. Visiting the Funny Farm makes my Day! She is open, honest. She's the epitome of the girl next door. Heck, I wish she was next door!

Jenni over at One Thing has no earthly idea how VERY much she makes my day - Every Day! She is the very capable mother of 12. Yes I said a one followed by a two. She is an example to every momma and wife out there in Blogland! She is smart, uber-witty, adorably smart assish and my day isn't complete until I can read her sometimes snarky, sometimes tear-jerkin', most times hilarious take on the world.

And last, Andrea at Sgt. and Mrs. Hub says what my heart feels so very often. She brings smiles, tears and giggles all in the same post. Her attitude is mood altering. Her posts have literally changed the scope of my days - that's why I visit her's first everyday. Thank you Andrea. Your words are boundless.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Thank you for being my best award. YOU make my day. Every day.