April 30, 2008

12 Hours out...

He is most definitely resting comfortably now and able to relax. Hallejulah!
To all who have emailed and called I think he'll be up for visitors tomorrow. He perks right up when people come a callin'!
I offer my heart felt thanks to those who have sent encouraging messages, brought smiles and done kind deeds today! I love and thank each of you!

Like my friend Flea says, "Until I write again..."

The Joys of Pain Meds

He seems to be resting comfortably now, sort of. The pain meds are keeping him semi-suspended in a weird dream world. I am watching him like a hawk because he semi-wakes and tries to take his IV out or his heart monitor off. I have found if I "help" him with his self-administered pain med he seems to rest much more comfortably.

Drugs. They, unlike the Crack of Dawn, are waaay underrated.

Love to you all.

Laughin' No Laughing Matter

All of us who love Brian love to joke and kid around with him. That's what I'm looking forward to the most as he continues to recover. However, he just told a joke and attempted a chuckle which was followed by T-R-E-M-O-N-D-U-S pain. So if you get a chance to stop by and say "Hi" that would be more than welcome but just keep the jokes for later.

Soul Sister

No Pain...No Gain?

Finally, he has been assigned a room. (#9106 Green West) He is now in this room.

Here are the recovery room nurse's words, "Just so you are aware...he is in a tremendous amount of pain. You will need to ask him if he has pressed his self-administered medication. For those of you who do not know Brian has always been extremely resistant to pain medication. Please pray that this will be managed well and quickly.

More update will be coming as we have information.

Soul Sister and Sashi

All great news!

Praise God! Dr. Rickner had all good news...
  • He did NOT need a blood transfusion! This was great news since he has one of the rare blood types and a transfusion was expected!
  • The pathology reports will be in 3-5 days instead of 7-10! Yay!
  • It took half the time because he did so well!
  • He'll be in recovery for a couple hours, then go to a room where I can Kiss His Face!

The Power of Prayer...it has NO EQUAL!!

Thank you all for your love, support, kind words and thoughtful deeds! We are so humbled!

Love to each of you.

They're Closing 'em up!

Wow. It went much faster than expected! They will be closing him up in approx. 15 minutes.
Will post again after I talk to the doctor.
Thank you for the prayers you've expedited the process!
Woohoo!

Into Surgery He went

Good Mornin' Friends and Fam! This day came early for the Big Shooter and me! Being up and about before the Crack of Dawn is way overrated!

He was prepped, shaved (ya'll know his issues with hair right?), poked and prodded just the right amount before they whisked him off. We estimate after getting the epidural in place his surgery more than likely began right around 8:00 am.

He was smilin', jokin, and flirtin'. Just being Brian.

I will post again as soon as I can.

Thank you all for your unwavering love, kind and loving thoughts and overwhelming support.


We feel your love.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: A prayer for you today big guy instead of more gag-a-rama.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I love You more than life itself. As we have traveled this path I have learned exceedingly more of your Grace and Mercy. You are what makes our lives possible. Without You we are empty shells. Thank you Lord for carrying us in those awful moments. Thank you Lord for showing us Your mercies each morning. Thank you Lord for wisdom and guidance when we felt overwhelmed. We are humbled You take the time for all the little things that have mattered greatly to us.

As I kneel before Your throne, I ask You send your Spirit to the Love of my Life. Please wrap him in your loving, tender embrace and make Your presence known to him. I ask You to guide both surgeons' hands. Please give these men wisdom, clarity, and steadiness. You, Father, are the Great Healer. We believe in Your healing touch. Please caress Brian from the inside out so he may sing You praises.

We love you Lord.

In Jesus' precious and holy name,

Amen.

Not even the Crack of Dawn...

It is 4:45am. We are off to see a man about a horse...or kidney removal...something along those lines.

April 28, 2008

It takes a village to remove a kidney...

Bet ya didn't think you'd hear that one.
But I'm here to tell you flat out - It's the truth!

Big Shooter called me today and said, "Hey, where are you?" When I told him I was shoe shopping for Girl Child for water shoes. He said, "Since I'm so busy and you have much more time than me can you...." and he proceeded to list 4 errands and tasks that needed to get done in the next few hours.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm normally sitting at home eating Jelly Bellys and doing nothing so I'd be more than happy to jump right up and do his bidding. But today I had a few things on my plate.
I figured I'd share my list of the last few days:

  • Clean the house that hasn't been cleaned in a year.
  • Home school his offspring.
  • Mop up the flooded garage (again).
  • Blog.
  • Call Mom to see what she needs by way of flight info. (She has not reached the 21st century yet.)
  • Look up said info.
  • Call Mom back and impart said info.
  • Pick Mom up at airport.
  • Grocery shop for out of towners.
  • Meet Sashi at the Casino to retrieve a Bionicle. (She's Assemblies of God. I can't ever resist rubbing it in that our official meeting place to exchange or pick-up is a Den of Iniquity...)
  • Call Dads (his and mine) to update on latest.
  • Call his Preacher Friend (in case he needs Last Rites after assuming I am not doing anything).
  • Answer 5 bajillion emails and voice mails.
  • Return library books and pay yearly fine so Snatchers can check out books and videos for Road Trip with their Grammie.
  • Blog.
  • Call hospital to get some vital specifics on internet capabilities and visitor rules.
  • Call some one else at the hospital to get vital specifics. (the first was able to answer visitor rules.)
  • Shop for shorts for Boy Child.
  • Drive to 30 stores to find "just the right water shoes" for Crumbs' Road Trip with Grammie.
  • Go to The Bank.
  • Go to the phone store for Mother's phone. (It is not liking Oklahoma.)
  • Visit Wal-Green's.
  • Shop for Kidney Removal Fashion Wear for Big Shooter.
  • Make lists of things to get done.
  • Blog.
  • Drop off second Excursion full of Goodwill Donations to make room in tiny house for guests.
  • Research, Locate and Visit shoe store that sells "special diabetic" shoes.
  • Get hair cut.
  • Go on Last Date with Two-Kidneyed Big Shooter.
  • Do 10 bajillion loads of laundry.
  • Pack Crumbs' bags for Road Trip with Grammie.
  • Deposit Boy Child at baseball practice.
  • Enjoy sitting through Girl Child's karate practice.
  • Eat Jelly Bellys and do nothing...

That's part of my list to get this deal done. I can only imagine our friends and family's lists. For instance, Preacher Friend is coming from South Texas. He has two kids staying there with friends and relatives so he and his wife can be here with Big Shooter. My Soul Sister also lives in another state and has three sons and Preacher Husband to get organized so she can be here with me. My Other Spouse, Sashi is organizing meals and delivery for the whole deal...along with watching over my mental stability (which she is well aware of it's fragility). My Mom takes care of 4 Mentally Challenged adults and a husband in Idaho. She had to get all 5's care farmed out for two weeks so she could come take care of Crumb 1 and 2 so we didn't have to worry one iota about their well being. Many, many friends are taking time off work to come offer their support on Wednesday...

So how did I answer, "Can you do these couple things for me?" I said, "Absolutely. Anything to make this gig run smoother for you Darlin'..."

Love Note to my Big Shooter: You are finally getting repaid for all you've done for me all of my adult life...Thank you for always taking care of me. You are the Love of my Life. It's your turn.
(choke. gag...gotta stop. Getting waaay too sappy.)

Crumb Snatcher Speak


Boy Child: Mommee you know how there are vegetarians?

Mommee: Yes.

Boy Child: Well, I'm not one of those. But, I am a dessertatarian.

Just Being Neighborly

I grew up in Idaho watching my family help neighbors and remember them helping us when ever we needed it. If I heard Granny Grunt or Grandpa Bozo say one time, "It's the neighborly thing to do..." I heard it a bajillion! It was just the way things worked. I thought that was the way things worked all over the country. Not so.

When we moved into our little house my neighbors didn't quite know how to take me...this happens frequently with new people and they all finally just get used to it and either accept me or adjust to me.

At first, I introduced myself (and Big Shooter) to everyone. Then set about getting to know them all. I mean know them, not about them. That part just comes naturally after you get to know them and they trust you. Anyway, I found they all seemed to know about each other but no one really knew each other the way I thought neighbors should. I began inviting more than one over at a time that I knew had things in common, we'd yell greetings or comments to one neighbor while talking to another, we had "street cook-outs" literally in the street in front of our drive so they'd come by just to see what and why? All these things began to get the elderly ones talking again, the newish ones introduced and the recluses well, we just talked about them in the beginning. Only because I needed much more info and years to break them down... The old ladies caught up on their kids and grandkids, the two musicians that lived across from each other found out they were both dying to play in a band together, one neighbor started dating another, a single momma found she could not only count on us all to watch over her and her boy but could trust us all to be there in times of domestic violence. Big Shooter and all the neighbor men standing literally in a quiet line of protection and solidarity on the sidewalk...and me with a baseball bat. (I have zero tolerance for that kind of crap and to this day the young man does not know Big Shooter was there for his protection, not our little neighbor girl.)

I say all this to explain why I am posting so late.

Every one's fave neighbors on the street are our little elderly couple Norman & Eula Mae. They are the epitome of neighborly. Norman used to walk up and down the sidewalk several times a day with his various dogs. He told me several times how very glad he was I was "so talkative and social" because things were getting back to normal finally. What he meant by that is for many, many years he'd been taking his daily walks and no one said 'Hi, Norman' or waved any more. Then they started again. It made him beam. That's when I realized what "doing the neighborly thing" meant. It meant we were all part of a big family. We watch out for each other. We pray for each other. We feed one another's family in times of sorrow. We watch pets. We chase down speeding cars with rakes or water hoses. We love on each other. We are neighbors!

Last spring we lost Norman. It was coming...but, too sudden. Know what I mean? It saddened us all to our cores. We rallied around Eula Mae. She has one son that lives far away. She is frail to say the least. She can't drive. She can barely walk with her walker. She can't cook. She needed the neighbors to do the neighborly thing. And I am proud to say We Have! Oh Boy have we!

I realized this tonight at 11:28. And I am finally able to let go.

My phone rang. When I looked at the number I knew before I answered what was up. She'd fallen...or worse, and the medical alert company was calling me to alert me the fire department or EMTs were on their way. The dispatcher on the phone wanted to know how far away I lived and how long he could tell the EMTs I'd be. "I live across the street, I see the lights already and as soon as I get off the phone I'll run over and let them in..." The cool thing? I was the first on the list to be called...but the third one in line with a key to let them in and rush to Eula's side. Whom, by the way is fine and dandy. She always is, once she gets up off the floor with the help of 2 or 3 good looking young men...I tease her mercilessly about being hard up for a date. She's 85 and loves every minute of it!

Ya'll how cool is that? I love, love, LOVE the fact I get to call her son in the morning and say, "Rick, my attention will be else where the next few weeks and I believe it would be a great idea to move my name on down the list for the med alert company to call. Your momma can count on Neighbor #1 and Neighbor #2 to be there for her when ever and for what ever she needs..."?

We know one another. Therefore, we know what each other needs.

Way cool.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Thinking over all the things you do for the neighbors just reminds me of all the things you do for our friends, colleagues, acquaintances...strangers... You are an awesome neighbor. Isn't there a scripture that says that? "Be an awesome neighbor." or maybe "You should strive to rock at being a neighbor"? Or is it simply, "Love thy neighbor"? I like, you should rock at being a neighbor better. So - You ROCK at being a great neighbor Darlin'!

April 26, 2008

Girl Child


Mommee: What is a group of monkeys called?
Girl Child: a party

Descriptions ~
Of her little 3 year old friend: "He's not even in Pre-school yet. He's a tood-ler."
Of Brain Dead Pug: "Wow. He's really getting wild-up"

Love Note to my Big Shooter: I want to spoil the tarnation out of our grandkids together...and then send them home full of sugar.

April 25, 2008

Baby Tree Monkeys

I've been walking down Memory Lane lately while trying to organize my photo-mess-of-pish-posh-files. Today I found the Tree Monkeys. Boy Child was barely 4 so that made Girl Child 2 1/2 ish.





I know it's so cliche, but where does all that time go? I never thought I'd forget those beautiful eyes and precious voices, yet looking at these photos makes my heart ache for those wee ones again. I can faintly hear those little voices and it was only a mere 6 years ago. Such a short time compared to a whole life span...

Lord, please help me see the little things each day. Give my spirit a nudge when You want me to notice something about them. Or some sweet little gesture or habits they acquire. I pray the cement hasn't hardened quite yet on their little personalities. I still have so much to teach them...about You, the world You created and always doing the right thing...whether someone is watching or not. Thank you for choosing me for them. I am humbled and thrilled to be able to call them son and daughter. Amen.

Love Note for my Big Shooter: I've said this before, of all the gifts you've given me - the Crumbs are, by far, the best. Thank you.

Take your pick.

I can call these people and get the inevitable over with. Because Domestic Services have been discontinued until further notice. NotthatanyonecantellthedifferenfeintheShooterdomicile.

Or these people...cause the scales of frustration are prit-tee darn even right about - NOW.

I can't decide. Clean House or My Sanity. Hmmm.

Any opinions?

Oh, and Happy Friday.


Oops, one more thing...

Love Note to Big Shooter: Translation from Gag-a-Rama in Espanol..."You are the love of my life. Thanks for the all the laughs you've provided in the last 20 years. You are my Prince Charming, my knight in shining armour. I love you." Told you. It's so gag I can hardly re-read it for spelling errors.

April 23, 2008

I've been thrown to the curb

Big Shooter came in the door from work and began his nightly routine while I was jawin' at him. I know, not polite. But, c'mon! I'm a tad under the gun right now and have to squeeze all Jawin' Time in when ever it will fit...

Any way, it began with a simple question.

Me:"Do you want me to read this email to you or are you okay with me sending it now?"

B.S.: "Yes."

Me: "Yes what? You want me to read it...or send it?

B.S.: "I said yes."

Me: "????? Yes what?"

Kid you not, he rolled his eyes and said very slowly: "Y y y e e e s."

At which point he knew he'd pushed me too far cause he saw me glance in the Crumbs direction and knew I was calculating exactly what they could hear/see from where I sat.

So he comes close to me and instead of clarifying he says: "Oh Wife... My Beloved Wife of my youth. May I please be blessed by your lovely voice reading me the forth coming information you wish to send to the masses? ...Oh Beautiful Wife."

Me: Thought - "Bite me, Peasant Boy." Said - "I'd love to My Lord." Which of course was met with gales of laughter from the Crumb Snatchers...little beasts.

He finished his all important nightly routine and then came back by and said, "You know after 20 years you'd think we speak the same language by now...I'm sorry Sweetie, I thought I was speaking English." Aaarrgh. If I didn't know any better I'd say he's loving that Cancer Card! He knows I am chompin' at the bit to let 'er rip! ...and he's...he's...baiting me! Oh Father forgive me...I am about to sin...and enjoy every second of it.

But back to the Little Beasts that Abandoned Me for Their Father, Sweet Girl Child pipes up and says, "Daddy here's you (puts her precious little hand up like a puppet) 'Hello my beautiful wife. How are you today?' And here's Mommy (puts her other little betraying hand in the air like a puppet and in a squeaky little annoying voice says) 'Hola. Como esta? Yo es muy loca!'"

I GASPED!

They, all three, fell on the floor in a heap of laughter...

Hmmph.

They have NO IDEA...what evil things I find humorous.

But, they're about to.

Betrayers.

Of course I don't have any ideas for evil tricks... do you? Have any evil ideas? ...but please make sure they're not too mean. I can't bear the thought of actually hurting their little feelings. Now Big Shooter on the other hand? Puh-leeze...he's lucky he's got cancer...

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Usted es el amor de mi vida. Esto ha sido veinte años llenos de momentos graciosos. ¡Gracias por todas las risas! Usted es mi Príncipe Encantador, mi caballero en la armadura brillante. Le amo. Trust me. It's gag-a-rama in Espanol.

Send Help...please

81%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

Oh. My. Word. I need a life...
Is any one else addicted? Click and please, do tell.

April 22, 2008

Trunk Monkey

Since I am getting ready for next Wednesday's Big Surgery my blogging time has been immensely cut into. Sheesh! The things Big Shooter does to drag my attention away from Blog Land! I mean "It's cancer Dude. Get over it already." Of course all who know me heard me say that in a very sarcastic yet painful voice. Those of you who don't know me yet...it's okay, you can let some of the breath you just sucked out the room back out. I'm just kiddin' around. It's how we cope. It's healthy therapy called Very Inappropriate Humor.
Any way, my time's been rudely encroached upon so I have to come up with quick posts so I can at least sleep a few hours a night. The easiest posts? Stinkin' Hilarious Videos! In fact I think I need to dedicate one day a week to Stinkin' Hilarious Videos or Just Veg Out Videos. I need to see if my Girl Friday over at Splat Designs can make me a button for that. Speaking of her, if you haven't been over to her site to sign-up to win 3 Free Headers click on the Splat Design button below to go check her out before you watch this video. Because ya'll, once you watch this Stinkin' Hilarious video you will forget about headers, buttons and freebies. You'll be sending this link to everyone you know. Trust me. The Crumbs and I already did that after we snorted, spit milk, chortled and belly laughed!
Hurry over there! There's only 3 more days!
Sorry, Youtube is messing with me tonight. I have to post the video seperately below.
Love Note to my Big Shooter: Good days. Bad days. I hate the bad days. cancersucks.com

Trunk Monkey Compilation

Prepare to Snort. Giggle. Gaffaw...Snort some more!
Remember to scroll to the bottom of the page to click on the small button on the music player that looks like this ll at top left side of the black music player...

April 21, 2008

Crumb Snatcher Speak

I send out the longest Annual Letter on the face of the planet. I kid you not. Go ahead, giggle to yourselves and think, "Oh no...so and so sends the longest. Straight Shooter can't possibly top that." And I will reply with a simple number. 8. Eight pages this year. The people who received this year's letter thought they were being served papers... not getting a friendly Hello.

One of the things I always include, but drives me batty keeping track of, is a list of things the Crumbs say all year that I find amusing.

At any given time there will be several scraps of paper scattered around my computer desk with these little quotes on them. I write them on whatever is handy. Gum wrapper, grocery list, water bill, Wally World receipt, used napkins, the front half of Granny Grunt's latest just cause card - what ever is handy at the moment. I have learned the hard way - I will NOT remember it...no matter how funny or heart jerky it is.

Today I had an epiphany. Why not post them as I hear them so I won't be afraid of losing them in between the times I type them in my Annual Letter file! (And just so you can rest easy tonight: I will never claim to be the sharpest tool in the shed.)

Sheesh! All that 'xplainin' just to say here's the first Crumb Snatcher Speak.

Girl Child: "How many baby teeth do babies get?"
Boy Child (while rolling his eyes): "...all of 'em."

Girl Child: "Please name the spetific president who had a horse living at the White House."
Boy Child (in the I-know-more-than-you-cause-I'm-17 months-older-than-you-voice): "It's not spe-tific. It's puh-cific.

P.S. Just so you know (it makes me feel better to say this), this year's letter was really a two for one special b/c I sent '06 & '07 at the same time. And...the only one who complains about the length is My Father...and apparently my Dear FIL. Other Mommas dig it. Sorry Dad (s).

Love Note to my Big Shooter: You, my friend, provide a majority of my fodder for The Letter and I just want you to know how much I appreciate that. I truly do. Seriously. I'm not making fun of you.

April 20, 2008

Peace Out, Dude.

For those of you concerned about Umbilical Boy you'll be thrilled to know the subject of today's post took place while Girl Child and I were sitting in the car waiting for him to come out of Target. That's right ya'll...#1...went...inside...all...by...his...lonesome. I know many of you never thought the day would come he'd step around the aisle from me. Frankly, neither did I. But come it did. Inside. By himself. I do believe the elasticity in the Cord is waning. He earned a little cash from selling toys at the recent JBF sale and, of course, it was burning a hole right through his jeans. A new Bionicle was calling loudly from the shelves inside.

Anyway, back to the subject of this post - a one-sided conversation I listened to from the lips of #2.

As we watched a very pretty young woman sashay in front of the car on her way into the store I was thinking, "Wow. That is a cute dress. Wish I was still young enough to pull that off." Beside me Crumb 2 said,"Wow. That's not a very modest outfit. I mean look it's like she's wanting to share her boobies with everyone...liiiike 'Hello world. Here we are." And then maybe they'd wave like this (picture her with her mouth open smiling and eyes huge to make an impression) and say 'Hi. Here we are being introduced to the world, whether we want to or not.' "

I was dumbfounded.

She was absolutely correct. Thank God, literally, she has Big Shooter for a daddy. He has made it his mission to instill modesty (at least clothing) in her. What kind of havoc have I wreaked on his progress by my silly comments or antics around the house I wonder? I was thinking all this in my mind when she finished with

"Now, if those were mine being introduced to the world they'd say, Peace out Dude...and give the Peace sign."

Oh Lordy...poor Big Shooter. She is most definitely my Minnie Me.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Crumb Snatcher 2 has the best example of a Prince Charming she could ever need. Thank you for being ever vigilant when it comes to guarding her heart...and boobies... from the world.

April 19, 2008

13 years ago today.

I was teaching precious, innocent 3rd graders in Bixby, OK when I heard about the OKC Bombing. At 9:02 that morning I was supposed to be one block away from the Murrah Building at the Oklahoma Board of Education getting a copy of my teaching certificate. But, a little glitch kept me away that morning. Glitch? I believe not. It was one of my Guardian Angels blocking my path that morning.
I remember watching endless hours of TV coverage and feeling absolutely helpless. My sweet 8 & 9 yo students' hearts were crushed and their little innocent eyes were cruelly forced open. We wrote letters, sent packages and planted a tree in remembrance. So little could be done.
I remember the overwhelming disbelief that someone could possibly hate my beloved country so much they could do something like this. Little did I know it was just a prelude for what was to come years later...
Please take a few moments to remember the victims of this horrific act.
The following video is well done, but it's emotional and painful to watch. But at the same time it speaks volumes about our country's spirit. It shows the loving, caring efforts of the many people who helped and the raw audio of the first responders and victims.
Caution: Some mildly graphic pictures
Love Note to my Big Shooter: What an awful date for you. First losing your Momma to breast cancer at 47, then this horrific event a few years later. I think of you constantly on this date every year.

April 18, 2008

It's amazing what you find

when you look through your memory card...
I was wondering where the Easter pics were.

Sashi's parents always feel sorry for us and invite us out to their family's gig. They are some Good People ya'll. Good. Like Goody-Goody Gum Drop good. Gum Drops are sweeeet. Gum Drops offer stickiness to hold your teeth together (or offer prayers and support when the love of your life has cancer). Gum Drops are very colorful. And Mr. Gum Drop puts up with, I mean entertains, the Snatchers along with his own brood of grandkids. And Mrs. Gum Drop cooks like a Real Grandma. So it takes us .064 seconds to say, "Thankyoufortheinvitewhatcanwebring.Nothin?Really?Thankyou!Thankyouforincludingus.Seeyouatthedinnertable!" I guess they're kinda like my in-laws...since Sashi is my other spouse an' all. Whatever they are...they are gooood people.



Don't ask about the hair...please. It is another post entirely. He is Big Shooter's son after all. And hair? Hair is a reeeeal major issue in Big Shooter's life. Wow. That basket is big. She had a slight meltdown b/c I asked her to use BDP's dog toy basket. What could I do? The Easter Bunny bought, I mean brought her a cheap pre-packaged-handle-broke-just-unwrapping-it-basket. That was another post. Remember? He pulled the Cancer Card on me? Like I could say anything about the cheap basket after that?

See how #1 is holding his basket at the bottom? That would be because you can see the handle is not attached on the side of his basket either. See the adorable, sturdy basket Saucy's kid is using? I hate when she shows off like that. That Good Mother thing is way over rated.

Can't you hear her, "Please God...I'll do anything if you let Mr. and Mrs. Gum Drop adopt me..."

Like I've said before, "I live where the wind comes whippin' down the plains..." Sashi's perfect hair got mussed. I hate when she has perfect hair. Hair is way over rated.

I love ya Saucy ~ good mothering, perfect hair and all. But, I could never love you as much as your real spouse - Taco Bandito!

Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Gum Drop! We love our Other Family.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: I put one of our songs somewhere on the music player for this blog and I just happened to hear it..."I can't help falling in love with you." - Elvis

Should I or Shouldn't I?

That has been my dillema all evening. I am talking about todays post. I did not have anything in particular to blog. Well...I do. Two that involve Big Shooter. But one is so incredibly not appropriate for this blog I didn't even consider it...for more than 10 seconds. So I chose the lesser of two evils.

Let me try to get through it delicately...and keep the humor in it. Inappropriate humor. But, really, is there any other kind of humor in the Shooter household? Really?

When I am finished, please promise to not share with Big Shooter... but do share your embarrassing "mistaken identity" moments with me in the comments.

When I unpack the items from the grocery or Target I place them strategically in the kitchen to be picked up and carried to the appointed place when I pass by them. Example: The Shout and dryer sheets go on the end of the counter near the laundry room door. The bathroom items go on top of the microwave cart near the hallway leading to the bathroom. When I am finished and am walking that direction I grab them and put them away on my way. Make sense? Well...

Big Shooter was standing near the microwave talking to me after work while I was cooking dinner when he reached over and picked up a bottle that looks very much like a bottle of Jergen's hand lotion. He opened it, sniffed the fragrance and before I could utter a word, squeezed a glob in his palm to moisten and soften his dried hands.

He looked at the gel in his hand, looked at me with a puzzled look, picked up the said lotion again and this time took time to read the label...

He looked up at me again...this time with an indescribable expression and casually said, "That's not lotion now is it...?"

I casually said, "Nope. But, it sure is a post...," and went on cooking dinner with a smirk on my face.
It was Summer's Eve Feminine Soap.

Have any mistaken identities you can share with me in a comment...? Purty Please with Sugar on Top?

Love Note to my Big Shooter: You've come a loooonng way baby. I can remember a time that kind of mistake would have landed you in a looney-bin for days. Now? It's just another day in Paradise.

April 17, 2008

Our hearts are huge, our home is too small.

Our big, beautiful Jackie-Boy has a new home tonight.

After much crying, agonizing, worrying, fretting and fit-throwing I finally got off the floor and thought of Jack instead of me, me, me.

He is still a bit young to fit into the current Shooter Family situation. He needs, no requires, at least two long walks a day and lots, LOTS of attention. (I'm wondering if he was an only child like someone else I know?) I finally let it all sink in the other night after I'd finally got everyone in bed, took a deep breath and thought, "Okay, now I can walk Jack." The problem was it was 10:45pm. Not the opportune time to walk in my neck of the woods...

Every time I'd let the thought in that maybe it was all just too much I'd catch a glimpse of two Crumb Snatchers running through the back yard being pursued by a smiling white giant. Or even more heart string jerking for me, I'd see a tuft of white hair flying from the corner of Olliver's mouth and recognize the walk of an Alpha Pug who, at least in his own mind, just kicked some Great Pyr tail.

How in the world was I going to bring all this Love Fest to an abrupt end without someone runnin' away from home?

#2, The Animal Lover, is the one who said, "I think Jackie needs to live on a farm where he can just run and run...". Bingo Cowgirl!! Momma was on top of that one like flies to honey!


The tricky part was how do you ask someone to take your dog, "but oh by the way, you have to fill out this 5,000 question questionnaire to make sure you pass my approval first"? I found out real quick. Fellow dog lovers don't have to fill out the 5,ooo question questionnaire...they just start talkin' and you know. Others? Well, let's just say Ashley didn't get to have Jack to teach her 9 week old Great Dane puppy how to be house broken in a condo, and Judy didn't get to have Jackie to keep her frail auntie company at the assisted living community, and...

#2 and I had agreed if we could find a man "like Grandpa who thinks dogs are people" who lived on a farm and "wanted to have a dog for his BFF" well then we'd found our boy a perfect new home!

We did. His name is Rick. And he is exactly what Jackie-Boy needs. He has a beautiful wife who has a heart like Snatcher #2. They are kin. Animal Lovers United they stand.

Here's Jack's new back yard...

Here's Jack's new front yard...

Here's Jack's new side yard...

Yep...horses. He's in Hog Heaven...or Horse Heaven...whatever, it's Heaven.

I am going to have to look at these pics many times over the next few days to remind myself again why I did this...

I am feeling empty, guilty, remorseful...yet hopeful. Hopeful the feeling of relief will come soon. I know we did what was more than right by our big, beautiful boy, but man, I miss him.

The knowledge he will be loved on from dawn to dusk is all I need to keep the tears at bay. Thank you Rick and Janet. You are what my Dad calls Salt of the Earth kinda people.

Thank you from the whole family.


Love Note to my Big Shooter: Thank you for allowing me to come to my own conclusions...in my own time...no matter how long it takes...no matter how frustrating it must be...no matter how much you must want to throttle me sometimes...You're a prince ya know? Don't make me say that again...I'll gag.

April 16, 2008

Our JBF offices

I am sitting here bloggin' at an ungodly hour b/c I only returned home from the office an hour or so ago.
Here is a picture of our office when the kids and husband are all taken care of and I can safely leave the house without it imploding:
For some reason Sashy and I lingered at the office tonight. I drank a whole pot of coffee by my self. And it is not doing it's job properly b/c I am falling asleep typing this. Please excuse any flagrant errors I make I am worn out from trying to keep my lids up.

Here is a picture of our daytime JBF office. This is where we meet when we would rather pay for entertainment to keep our Crumb Snatchers busy than mess with a baby sitter's schedule corresponding with ours. Or if we have an emergency meeting. Which surprisingly happens quite frequently.

No. We do not have corporate sponsorship from either of these establishments yet...but, we should. They are perfect for Mommas with business to take care of in the middle of the afternoon or night.
We got a lot accomplished and if any consignors are reading this ~ the checks are in the mail!
Very tired...zzzz...gotta...go...get...some...zzz...shut...eye...!!!

Love Note to my Big Shooter: I am so sorry I totally neglect you and the Snatchers during JBF season! I really, really appreciate you and all you put up with. I really do...

April 15, 2008

Free headers, free headers...free, free, free!



Remember when I mentioned Lindsay from Splat Designs? You know the super creative one who was the master-mind behind my own blog overhaul? Well, Miss Lindsay is holding a very creative and interesting contest in order to gain donations for a cause that literally became immensely important to me overnight. If you need or know someone who could use a new header, or two, or...three! Please have them check out her rules. They are so extremely simple and easy to follow in order to enter! Go! Check it out! Thanks for humoring me, I mean your support!
The chance to win THREE NEW HEADERS...Cool.

How lucky am I

to get to overhear these kinds of comments:
We had just entered Wally World and over the paging system a woman announces, "Customer needs assistance in live fish, customer needs assistance in live fish." #1 looks at me puzzled and very seriously inquires, "They sell not-living fish?

Update on Big Shooter

So Sorry! Apparently I riled ya'll up and then left ya hangin'?
Here's the latest scoop on the big guy:
He does not have a leak where his gallbladder was.
So no extra surgery.
Since he has no gallbladder to store the bile his liver is making, it gets dumped in his stomach.
Since he already has Boo-Boo Belly (ulcers, hernia, reflux) his stomach is revolting in a major way.
We are finding out quickly what foods he canNOT have.
He is finally beginning to keep down simple, bland solids.
He is on a new med that helps keep his Boo-Boo Belly at bay so it can learn how to work again.
His kidney surgery is a little over two weeks from today. (April 30th) Our goal is to get him as strong as possible before then.
I promise not to leave you haingin' again...
Am I forgiven?

One of my good non-blog-readin' friends sarcastically asked if I was "going to live blog Big Shooter's surgery blow-by-blow"...hmmm, no but I may live blog his progress through the whole ordeal b/c it will give me something to keep my mind off the procedure and yet still be focused on him. Does that make sense or am I just pushing the limits of no-sleep? Besides the phone reception in the hospital is pretty much non-existent and all the fam and friends faraway will have to do is click on here...hmmm, we'll see.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Thank you for filling this marriage with happiness...pranks...and belly shakin', snortin' laughs.

April 14, 2008

I blame Ronald Regan

I was like every other normal kid in America when old Ronnie came into power. I couldn't wait for Summer Break, loved to hang out with friends, have sleep-overs with my girlfriend Squirrely Shirley every night...and only ate the obligatory jellybeans at Easter.

I always saved the jelly beans for last not because I wanted to savor them but because I knew they'd last till Hell Froze Over. I wondered why they came in different colors because they all tasted the same. I just really did not care for them - ever.

That was until Ronnie made his confession...he was a Jelly Belly fan. And overnight there were Jelly Bellys every where! I remember my mom and I buying them in a fancy little candy store for the first time. I could not believe there was such a fun candy! I mean c'mon! It was like a treasure hunt in every taste! Yes. It was red. But was it cherry, strawberry shortcake, sangria, or pomegranate? The flavors! Pomegranate and Sangria for an 11 year old was exotic!


I have been a fan ever since.
The Crumb Snatchers love them too. But I cannot allow them to run amuck with them b/c #1 is allergic to corn. And as you all know Jelly Bellys are just flavored corn syrup! Gloriously flavored corn syrup...but corn syrup none the less.

So I wait until I hear their little sleep sounds before I pull out my FOUR POUND Sam's brand of beans. There are 41 unique flavors. 41! My goal is to eat one of each flavor. Somehow that never seems to work out. I eat one and study the little picture on the back to make sure I know which one I'm tasting. Sometimes I can't tell (b/c sometimes it takes 4-6 to really tell...for sure...what flavor...it ...really is...) so I have to keep eating that kind until I figure it out or my taste buds revolt. Sometimes I will get one that I kid you not, tastes to me what an armpit would taste like. EEEWWWW! And of course I need to eat several more just to make sure I know which one it was so I don't mistakenly eat it again...accidentally.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: You know all that weight you're losing? I'm saving it for ya! No need to thank me. I'm your Girl Friday.

April 13, 2008

You know we're rednecks when... or (Alternate Title) Blame it on the weather

we have this on our lips...

and this on our netherlands...

And yes, they both work great. An extra bonus is they both have a nice soft, non-overwhelming fragrance to them... No. I am not kidding. We love both products.

What's your BEST oddball find? Can it beat Chicken Poop or Monkey Butt? If so, I need to hear about it. Now. Please.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Your Chicken Lips + my Monkey Butt = True Love

April 12, 2008

Just in case you were wonderin'...


Click on it and come back to tell me how many little Crumb Snatchers you can successfully take on!
Love Note to my Big Shooter: Life for you right now is like takin' on 4 dozen five year olds...and you are kickin' tail!

April 10, 2008

If Old McShooter had a farm...

My dear FIL has worked his photo pasting magic again...I especially dig the pet rooster, square dancin' dress, flip flops and tattoo...THAT is my kind of farm girl. I could do that!

Have a fabulous weekend everyone!

Love Note to my Big Shooter: I'd follow you to the ends of the Earth...even if it meant to a farm...

Dear Friends,

My sweet big guy needs some lovin' on. He has not done well since his gallbladder was removed liked we had so hoped! The plan was no gallbladder = no more pain + eating = renewed strength. Wrong.
He has not been able to keep anything solid down now for almost two months and he is weak...weak. And I don't just mean his body. His mind is weak too. And so is his spirit.
After another kajillion tests we have been informed they have found a pool of bile where his gallbladder used to be. They do not know if it is a continuous leak or a postoperative one that corrected itself. So...another test tomorrow.
Then more than likely - another surgery to repair/fix the first one before the big kidney one!
He's glad to know there really is something wrong with him. Yet feeling defeated because he just can't seem to catch a break these days!
I ask your prayers to be for wisdom and guidance for his team of doctors. The renewing of Big Shooter's faith. And for his body to hang in there a while longer.
We love you all and am more grateful than you will ever know that you are all there behind us!
Warmly,
Straight Shooter
Love Note to my Big Shooter: No matter what you feel like or what you've just endured...you put a smile on those beautiful lips and a carefree attitude in your voice when the Crumbs are nearby. I love the protective Daddy in you. Thanks Big Guy!

April 8, 2008

Thank You...?!???

Yesterday morning I found myself thanking #2 for sniffing the BDP's bahootchie! (????) And thought to myself, "Wow. That's not something I could ever imagined myself saying thank you for in a bajillion years!"

Let me please just clarify the reason she felt the need to do this ghastly deed so you won't call DHS for whatever reason...on the other hand...they do eventually give them back...and it would be fabulous to have a break... sigh.

I'll just do the right thing and get my 'xplainin' over with.

Preface to explanation: It rained rivers in Plainsville recently.

The lovable BDP came in from his morning romp outside with his giant sidekick Jacky-Boy and his netherlands were covered with what very closely resembled sorryIhavetosaythissoI'lldoitquick-diarrhea all over the back of him. I needed to hurry up and finish getting ready without worrying about the said dilemma spreading misery around the house. So I casually said, "Sweetie, I can't have him in the house with that on his behind...can you please take care of him." Apparently, I should have said, "Please grab his collar, take him back outside...and don't take any chances of touching what looks to be a poop problem". But I didn't. And she did.

This is how it went:

#2: Hey Mommy...It's not poo on Olliver's hiney.

Mommy: Really? How do you know?

#2: Cause I stuck my nose real close to his bahootchie and took a big sniff...

Mommy: ????!

#2: So I cleaned it off...and well, maybe there was a little poop on there...but, I got it off already.

Mommy: ????! Where is it now?

#2: In my other hand...

Mommy: "...ummm, could you please put whatever it is in the trash and go wash your hands so we can go to Merritt's (Bakery)? ...and honey... thanks for sniffing Olliver's hiney-whoo....???(What else was there to say to my little problem solver?)

#2: You're very welcome Mommy. I guess I'm the Hiney-Whoo Sniffer now.

No comment. None fit.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Thank you for never balking or backing out when it comes to the three P's in our house: Pee, Poop and Puke. I really, really dig a man that can deal with all three like you can.

Sorry Dad for bringing up the Pee...again. It's just part of our life.

Sorry Granny for saying Poop and Puke...again. It too is unfortunately just part of our Every Day Life.

Woohoo!! 100 Posts Today!

I never knew I would love blabbin' about nothing this much! (Shush! Let me live in my own fantasy.)
What a great, fun outlet.
Thank you to my two faithful readers who inspire me to keep purging, I mean sharing, my bizarre thoughts.
I wonder what the future holds? I wonder what the next 100 subjects will be? I am thrilled I will always have this diaryish journal for the Snatchers. I am thrilled someone told me about this great therapy called Bloggin'.
Thank you. Thank you very much.

"...Straight Shooter has left the keyboard..."

Niiice...

Since he was like 4ish in these photos, I'm beginning to realize it's not 9 year old boy humor... it apparently, is just boy humor.

Love Note to my Big Shooter: I love that you gave me a Minnie Me of you in #1. I am positive your momma and I have a whole lot more in common now than we ever dreamed we would.

April 7, 2008

The its, it's, there, their, they're Quiz...



It's another...


I drive Sashi crazy with my obsessive grammar rule following...we don't know why this is an obsession. I was not an English major or even come close to using correct grammar! Nor is it like I never make mistakes on posts either. But, for some reason, I am. Obsessive and weird about the grammar, that is.


Let's continue down Quiz Road shall we?



Click here to take the said grammar quiz.


And as always, if you can shoot 'er straight, please come back and tell your score.


Love Note to my Big Shooter: I love to hear you say certain things as much as I love to hear #1 and #2 say things. You always say chiz (cheese), or-dee-or-vees (h'ourderves) and bertday (birthday) just to name a few...

Just how fast are you?


I am the world's slowest, repeated mistake maker when it comes to typing! If you get an email longer than, "Hi. You rock. I'm a dork. Thank you very much." you can count yourself among very few I have actually spent time on...

It doesn't matter that I actually practice. I can't get past like 38 wpm! Are you wondering what you type now? Click here to go take the speed test.

Then, if you can shoot it to me straight, come back and leave me your score.


And, hey have a blessed day!


Love Note to my Big Shooter: I love the fact you can replace/fix just about anything on a car engine and not get a speck of dirt or grease on you. THAT is an amazing feat. I don't mind the 3 rolls of paper towels you go through...cause I really dig those baby soft hands Darlin'!

April 4, 2008

Bunk

First Ever Public Confession: It's another childish one. I find entertainment (comfort almost) by shocking others with stupid, outlandish bunk. The scary thing to me is how easily it will roll off my tongue.

I came to this realization when I listened to #2 telling a whopper to our neighbor. She winked at me for collaboration (???...as if) and kept a straight face through the whole thing!

I was momentarily stunned. Where on earth did she learn this little skill?


...and then I remembered she is related to him

(read: Tall Story Teller for those who are sensitive to the title Sinner)
Oh, and me...the Straight Shooter ...emphasize the Straight in that please.


Love Note to my Big Shooter: Next to me...I don't know anyone more full of BUNK...that would make us a Perfect Match.

A teeny weeny outa sorts...

Sorry ya'll! The little fam is just a smidgen outta sorts at the present time.
I'll be sharing those little tid bits in a week or so.
So for now, a little Diddy I have watched say...oh, a kajillion times and have almost peed my pants (yes Father, PEE... again) every stinkin' time.
Can anyone besides me relate to the video in the post below...or is it just me and my whole body function issues?

Love Note to my Big Shooter: No sleep. Brain Dead. Feet Numb. Can't think of a thing witty or even remotely heart stringish. I am picturing you in my mind so I can think something up and all that keeps coming is...sigh...(big deep breath)...another BIG sigh..and then "I just love him...". and then I gag.

April 2, 2008

Needs No Words Wednesday...or any other day

video

Love Note to my Big Shooter: Oh how lucky a woman I am to have you as the Daddy...blech...BLECH. (That is me gagging at the sappiness escaping my mind.)

April 1, 2008

Whatcha think...



of the new Big Shooter?
Cause if ya'll only knew how many emails I've answered about this poor woman! She's on there because I haven't been on vacation, I mean taken the time to have an Old Timey pix done lately and the only other selection I had to chose from was an O L D worn-out pioneer granny sitting on her porch chewing cha...which now that I think about it...probably fit me better. But instead, I chose this sassy, teasing saloon girl instead.
That was until my FIL (Father-in-Law for you newbies) decided to whip out this stunner! Oh, my...!
Tell me whatcha think.


Love Note to my Big Shooter: You always make me feel like a sassy, tease instead of an old worn out momma! Thanks Big Guy.